Child-proofing the marriage

[Anonymous]

What happens at 3am, stays at 3am. We found the sleep deprivation made us both easily annoyed and if we griped at each other in the wee morning hours, then we agreed (during the day in a calm conversation) to just try to be generous and give the other person a pass.

[Anonymous]

OP, this thread demonstrates that, unfortunately, there is no set formula to child-proofing a marriage, because every marriage is different. I have two children and don't think my marriage has suffered at all. If anything it is stronger. But I can't really give you advice because you and your husbands' priorities, values, needs, etc. might be totally different from ours. I cringe at some of the advice in this post, not because it is universally wrong, but because it is wrong for my marriage.

I think the best you and your husband can do is recognize that you don't how you will feel about lots of things until the baby arrives, so agree that you will just try your best to be a team and work together to make things work.

Yes, lots will change in your lives, but you do have control over certain things and you just need to figure out what is important to YOU. Doesn't matter what people on DCUM think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely understand the power of sleep deprivation! You will both be tired and won't feel like yourselves, so be merciful with each other. This may sound odd or harsh, but I think it's really important to recognize that sometimes you feel really irritated with your spouse when actually, you are mad at the baby. Of course, you can't get mad at a baby just for being a baby, so you sometimes get mad at your husband just because you need to be mad and he's the one in sight. Don't get me wrong-- we adored our child from the start, loved being parents, never thought of splitting up at all, and my husband is fantastic about being an equal partner in all ways. Even so, there were times when I was mad at the baby for not sleeping, for being grumpy for no apparent reason, for needing yet ANOTHER thing as soon as I'd finished doing something for her, needed changing right when I sat down for the first time all day, etc., etc. etc. I realized that sometimes I was getting mad at my husband for something dumb, just because that was a lot more permissable than being mad at the baby. Hope that makes sense.

This is 22:13. And thank you to the person who liked the advice!

PP above, YES. OMG, I forgot about this one, which is really funny considering it STILL happens. DS took forever to sleep through the night. Forever! It was waaay more palatable to be furious with my 30 something husband than with an innocent baby. PP above articulated what happens so well, and honestly I think it's more common than people realize. I don't know if there's much you can do about it, other than be aware it happens.

BTW, OP, one thing you're not getting much of are stories about how it's not that bad, or not that hard on your marriage. While I personally had a rough go of it (colicky baby, etc) my nephew's parents (bro and sis in law) were ridiculously happy all throughout their baby's first year. (May help that they were in their mid-20's and had a ton of energy!). But it's not always a soul-sucking drudge. But, yeah, it is sometimes. And that's okay. Because the awesome parts are way worth it.