Did you "just know" within a few weeks of meeting someone you'd marry them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but that is not my personality. I am cautious by nature and need to analyze and think through everything--especially something as important as marriage. I would never let a hormonal surge dictate my future. Lust does not equate love.

Says somebody who's never allowed it to. Granted, you're right that it rarely works out but lust can lead to some wonderful adventures with people who will make up the majority of your memories as you get older. Some of us even had that lust turn to love turn to longtime marital commitment. You gotta take some chances if you want to be fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

Another "just knew" story here. I was only 21 when we met (had had a couple of long-term boyfriends before), but within just a few days of meeting him I was telling my roommate I thought I would marry this guy. She (reasonably) thought I was crazy.

We got married three years later and are about to celebrate out 15th wedding anniversary and we have two kids. I agree with many PPs--it was some unique combo of passion and immediate comfort or family feeling. Never regretted it. I will say that it took some time for me to progress from knowing that he was who I wanted to marry to being ready to actually get married, though some of that may have been due to my fairly young age. But the feeling was there and never wavered.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I was dating someone else for 4 years and he was just out of a serious long term relationship. We met at a party and something just clicked (my boyfriend wasn't there). Quickly broke up with my boyfriend, who I really thought I was going to marry! We started dating and were married within 6 months. Gave my mother a bunch of gray hair. We have been married 13 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but that is not my personality. I am cautious by nature and need to analyze and think through everything--especially something as important as marriage. I would never let a hormonal surge dictate my future. Lust does not equate love.

Says somebody who's never allowed it to. Granted, you're right that it rarely works out but lust can lead to some wonderful adventures with people who will make up the majority of your memories as you get older. Some of us even had that lust turn to love turn to longtime marital commitment. You gotta take some chances if you want to be fulfilled.

I am the most analytical peron on the planet. Seriously. I analyze everything. My brain is always buzzing. I have a hard time making decisions because I weigh every single option and constantly researching, etc. But- I am guessing you haven't experienced 'the one'/true love'. I used to always ask family members, friends--'but how will you know?'. I always got the 'you just will. can't explain it' response. I was a cynic. I was hit by a lightning bolt the night I met my future husband. It was not just lust. It was profound. It was if everything I ever wanted and dreamed in my head was right there in front of me. We had a click..stupid 'soul mate' type connection, if you will. I had a serious relationship before him---he had two (not marriages) and it was nothing like those. There was no work, no thinking, things just fell into step and we were together from then on. 16 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. Met when I was 35. Engaged a year later. Knew it by the second date. I had several very dramatic, intense and at times toxic relationships in my 20's. Was happy and fulfilled and single after that for 5 years. So, I was in a good place when I met my husband. He was just so solid, nice, and normal (and I mean that as a compliment). I always think that I just had to grow up and get "healthy" before I could have a substantive good healthy relationship. It just clicked for us, but not in that crazy "you are my soul mate and I will die without you" kind of way I've had in the past!

Similar story for me. We were both fine being single and had our own lives, friends, homes, hobbies, etc. Weren't looking for someone to complete our respective selves. I had finally gotten to a point where I didn't look at men as a project, and didn't try to think I could overlook terrible flaws, behavior or treatment, and was finally able to casually date and not view everyone I met as a potential husband. Ironic that is when I met my future husband, I wasn't expecting him to be the one.

Something else interesting is that we both know and admit that if we had met even a year earlier we wouldn't have been right for each other. But timing is everything.

[Anonymous]

Felt it once in high school. Stayed with that person for 10 years. Felt it once in grad school, dated two years. Felt it with my DH, married 7 years and married to stay.

Female, two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but that is not my personality. I am cautious by nature and need to analyze and think through everything--especially something as important as marriage. I would never let a hormonal surge dictate my future. Lust does not equate love.

Very few stories here of ruin. Lots of long relationships. I'm guessing you've never experienced this, that's all.

There is a difference between LUST and the spark people are talking about. I've had boyfriends where the sexual energy was off the charts, from the start that is lust along with that amazing sexual energy often comes dysfunction and passionate fights, which though memorable are not sustainable. What we are taking about is an immediate deep connection, it is a very different response than lust. It's an immediate feeling of comfort and connection. Kind of like meeting someone for the first time and feel like you've known forever.

[Anonymous]

Well, I told him on our first date that I was going to marry him, but I said it jokingly.

I didn't think it was actually going to happen, but today is our anniversary, so perhaps I have psychic abilities that I didn't know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but that is not my personality. I am cautious by nature and need to analyze and think through everything--especially something as important as marriage. I would never let a hormonal surge dictate my future. Lust does not equate love.

But I "just knew" not because of pure lust, but something else. I thought, " Gorgeous. Funny. Smart. Wow."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am cautious by nature and need to analyze and think through everything--especially something as important as marriage. I would never let a hormonal surge dictate my future. Lust does not equate love.

It is rarely about lust or lust alone. It's about happiness, fit, the feeling that you are home. And it need not have anything to do with personality. I doubt that all the people who have posted here would describe themselves as impulsive.

[Anonymous]

No. I ironically thought to myself on our first date, "Now, this is a guy I would never marry." But he seemed like he'd be a great friend, and within a couple weeks we were hanging out every day and have only been apart a handful days a year in the four years since then (married two years).

[Anonymous]

This is so amazing to read all the stories - I wasn't expecting so many to say Yes to this question!

Even if I end up being wrong, it encourages me to trust my gut instincts when I have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but that is not my personality. I am cautious by nature and need to analyze and think through everything--especially something as important as marriage. I would never let a hormonal surge dictate my future. Lust does not equate love.

For me, it wasn't about lust at all. It was more about connection and compatibility. There were plenty of guys that I have been much more in lust with than my husband, but I didn't ever feel like we would be together forever. It is a completely different feeling.

I overanalyze to a fault, but for some reason, I just knew that this was right. This doesn't mean I ran off and got married the next day. When we moved closer to each other, we made sure to have our separate places, only moving in after I hadn't slept at home in months. It was almost 2 years before we got engaged and another year until we got married. But, it seemed like a foregone conclusion pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing to read all the stories - I wasn't expecting so many to say Yes to this question!

Even if I end up being wrong, it encourages me to trust my gut instincts when I have them.

Yes! I had my whole life mapped out at 17 - knew what I would do for a living, where I would live, even how many children I hoped to have. Not at all a spontaneous person. When I met "the one," it was obvious to both of us. We didn't get married for 3 years, but as another poster put it, it was a foregone conclusion almost from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

DH and I just knew, but weren't even dating or interested in each other at the time. We were only friends. We used to joke about how we knew we were going to get married but couldn't quite figure out how we were going to fall in love or even be attracted to the other. We would see other people who would be jealous of our friendship and dump one or the other. Then, we were apart for a few months and I started having feelings for him, and he called me up out of the blue to say he was in love with me. We've been together 14 years - married 9.