I love my MIL, but I really need help with this situation
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Anonymous
| Go, rent hotel room/s, and enjoy. It may be annoying carting kids back and forth, but really, it seems like a small sacrifice to make... (and yes, I do have special needs kid). |
Anonymous
| I haven't read all the responses, but can your husband and the 3 year old borrow a tent and some sleeping bags and camp out? |
Anonymous
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I actually find that our entire family sleeps better in one room during vacations. The older one loves to sleep in bed with us, the younger is in a portable crib. I would would be less worried about all being in one room versus what bed arrangment is there? 2 double beds? One king etc? Your older one will likely fall asleep in bed you can return to activities or sleep while the kids are sleeping to give your rest and sanity. If there are 2 beds in the room you and 11 month old sleep together - nurse on demand at night, older one is in bed with your DH.
Its such a big occasion I think this is a moment you have to suck it up. Other alternative is staying 25 miles away and only attending certain events - it will be hard if the big stuff is at dinner time which won't correspond nicely with your kids needs. Having the kids in the house means you can still participate and quickly squirrel them away for sleep - naps or bedtime. Have you tried staying together in one room. While its not our ideal we have found it works out better than you might expect. Certainly better than having your kids sleep with a much older cousin. |
Anonymous
| send 3 year old to sleep in grandmas room |
Anonymous
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Can the older one sleep in the room with the grandparents?
My kid loves to do this...either in the bed with grammie by herself on the floor in a sleeping bag. Frame it as a big adventure...get him a big boy sleeping bag...he gets to camp out with grandma and grandpa... Honestly, you will be surprised at what a difference it makes how you advertise it to the little guy! |
Anonymous
OP here - I expect SIL will put her youngest with MIL, which creates the same problem (crying baby in room). But that is another option I will explore. Not sure camping will fly - DS is a "young" 3 and still very much a mama's boy. Not to mention that then DH couldn't leave me with kids (like, in house, cabin, etc) and hang out with his family. |
Anonymous
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Another vote for having DH and DS sleep in a tent on the property, or if not then as a second choice, you rent a hotel room 25 miles away and drive back and forth. I agree with the PP who said that your SIL has to let your DS have a turn sleeping with the grandparents if that seems like a good option for you. Let your DH negotiate that with his mother and sister.
On a related note: Sounds like you spend a lot of vacation time with your in-laws, which is nice, but you are entitled to preserve some vacation time for just you, DH and the two kids. The grandparents can easily (and more cheaply) travel to see you. Let us know what you decide! |
Anonymous
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I think you are missing an opportunity for your children to impress you. You are setting the expectation on them that they need or thrive in routine. We're not talking about Disney World chaos, but a bustling family vacation.
If you try to "keep your routine" while on vacation, you are probably setting yourself for a lot of stress, but try thinking about it as setting up a vacation routine, different than at home, but something workable. Start practicing transferring one kid from one room to your house, and then back again in the middle of the night. You'll get the hang of it. See if there is an empty room to use for the bedtime hour or two at the cabin. Start talking to your MIL about setting up a safe place for your kid with sensory issues to have some down time, ask your cousins about what games they like to play, and introduce your 3 yr old to them before you get there. Try some of the foods your MIL is likely to serve before you go, even once. If that is an issue for you. Go with the expectation of fun, no matter how much work. |
Anonymous
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I get the impression that you don't really like your MIL as much as you say you do. Maybe you can see the good qualities she has but you don't really like her - otherwise you wouldn't be looking for excuses to back out of celebrating a milestone birthday and attending a family reunion so the family could meet your one year old.
You say it is DS#1 sensory issues and he doesn't play well but you also propose sending DS1 with your DH and you staying home - in that scenario it doesn't really seem your concern is DS1s sensory issues. Also why would anyone go all that way then stay 25 miles away in a hotel? Then you have none of your stuff, no room of your own for naps, rests or to get away during the day, no place for DS1 to decompress during the day given his sensory issues and it would be removing yourselves from all the evening visiting and catching up while you sit in a hotel room. Also given your concerns with the children sleeping in the same room - how would a hotel room solve that - would you rent two rooms so that the children were in separate rooms? Then you and DH would not only spend your evening away from the family but also away from each other watching sleeping children. Suck it up. Go. Realize that sometimes you have to adapt for other people rather than always trying to make it exactly how you want, and how you have made it at home. Different isn't bad. Flexibility is a great skill to model and teach your kids. And admit you don't like your MIL - pretending to like her then trying to think up every possible reason not to go makes you sounds very disingenuous. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the hotel idea or the tent. I think you should really try to make it work, but if you just can't face it, at least send your DH and older DC. Honestly, it sounds like you are perhaps a bit rigid with your schedule etc and loosening up a bit occasionally is a great lesson to be able to teach your kids. |
Anonymous
| OP - you are overthinking this (or maybe don't really like your inlaws). Stop making excuses. Book a hotel and go. It's one weekend. |
Anonymous
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Another vote that you all go and suck it up. I propose that you look for a bedroom/office/linen closet that would be available from when DS 2 goes to bed-->an hour or so after DS1 goes to bed. That way, you can put the baby down, and move him after DS1 is done with his talking-in-bed routine. Alternatively, you could just plan on DS2 being awake when DS1 goes to bed--take that opportunity to wake DS2, feed him a bottle, rock him to sleep somewhere else quiet while DH puts DS1 to bed. Then bring DS2 back in once DS1 is asleep.
If you are still nervous, I would get ONE hotel room as a backup, and if the kids are really bad at sharing rooms, then you and the baby go to the hotel, and DH can still be part of all the adults staying up late and chatting. We have a HUGE extended family, and I have never regretted attending a gathering, no matter how chaotic, exhausting, and miserable it all was. That time with family is so precious. |
Anonymous
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OP here, and thanks all for the mostly useful and honest feedback. The folks who asked about houses and cabins nearby got me thinking - the nearest HOTEL is 25 miles away (and we're talking lake country - 25 miles = 1hr in car) but I investigated and there are fishing resorts on the lake, including one about a 10 minute boat ride away. So I think we are going to try to book a 2BR cabin there. It'll give me someplace to get my older DS away if he gets overloaded (with baby's naptime as an excuse), and DH can boat back to the island and hang out with his family after the kids go to bed. And if the kids are doing great, we can use a pack and play for baby's nap on site and only go back to our cabin at night. I hope we can pull this off!
Oh, and to 18:49, yes, I was planning to get a suite or 2 hotel rooms. And I knew it would be an absolute disaster to send DH with DS1 by themselves, but mostly what would have happened is DH would have had to sit on the sidelines to keep DS calm and happy and he would have been mad about it. But at least I would have been making grandma happy and giving everyone a chance to get some sleep. |
Anonymous
| I had a similar situation at Christmas, but it was with my own family, not ILs. My family, and my 2 sisters' families went to stay at my mother's house by the beach (10 hr plane ride). The house is NOT designed for kids at all. My sisters and I all had to share a room with our kids and DHs. I was dreading it...and there were some rough times/little issues, but the kids (ranging 12mo-7 yrs old) ALL had such a blast, and spending time with my family, despite the fights, etc, was wonderful. We were there for a week, and everyone was fine. We did need some rest upon our return, but we just ended up going to bed early for a few nights. I'd say suck it up, and try to have fun! |
Anonymous
| PP-to clarify, there were 3 rooms, one for each of our immediate families. Not 3 families in one room! |