Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?

[Anonymous]

I felt this quite often when my son was between 3-4. I smacked his bottom on a few occasions- with my open hand and his clothes on. I don't think it impacted any of his behavior- all it managed to do was to flood me with shame and regret.

My current alternative losing it behavior involves is screaming and cursing. It's just as frightening.

Sadly, when I try to retreat to my room for my own time out when I feel that I am going to explode, my kids follow me. It's a really difficult dynamic and I find it very hard to dial it down when my very long fuse blows- generally at the end of a long day.

Being a mom certainly is a challenge to grow up....

I am ashamed of ALL of these moments, but I also know that I have a very long fuse and sometimes it blows.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an era when spank with a belt was OK. Don't think parents actually did it, however. So when I had two toddlers, I thought, who will know if I slap their little fingers. Well, they did, and began to hit back. Not very hard, but they are kids, and hitting is just OUT of bounds in their preschool, with their friends and so on. So, I learned: violence begets violence. I never hit the kids. Yell at them (I am not perfect!) And sometimes I just want to wish myself away to another, quieter universe. I repeat to myself: just look how little they are. Pick on someone your own size. Seems to help me get perspective.

[Anonymous]

No, I have a good boy and he knows when he is in trouble and has done something wrong.Corrects his behavior in a minute in order not to get punished.

[Anonymous]

My mother told me a comment from my grandmother, one of the most grounded and practical people I've known. Wanting to hit your child happens; hitting your child is abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.

Um, I think she is controlling it.

[Anonymous]

I want to smack my 3 year old all the time. I have always restrained but man, he pushes my buttons and I get close. I'm not proud to admit it but....hey, we're all human. I usually tell them that Mommy needs a time out and take 1-2 minutes to cool down. I've even gone as far as setting the timer for myself in time out.

[Anonymous]

I do. I picture it, I recognize my anger and frustration but I never do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.

Not true. I've never been hit, and never hit my kids. But I get what OP is saying, and I've visualized it. Don't overthink it, just don't do it. Then visualize yourself being calm and in control of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I haven't acted upon it yet, but once in a while it gets frustrating and I am at the limit of my patience.

[Anonymous]

Not the younger ones. Although, my 4yo daughter won't ever just shut the fuck up like 90% of the time, and I'm always wanting to clamp my hand over her mouth just to have some piece and quiet. I've only done that a handful of times when she was asked numerous times by multiple people to be quiet and stop interrupting.

I feel like punching my 10yo when he gets an attitude with me or argues with me over simple things. Obviously haven't done that.

[Anonymous]

I do have that urge sometimes. This program has helped me:

http://consciousdiscipline.com/about/conscious_discipline_for_parents.asp

There is a pre-K department in my county school district that has workshops for parents on discipline, among other things & they follow this program. It's helped me with my own frustration & anger issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the younger ones. Although, my 4yo daughter won't ever just shut the fuck up like 90% of the time, and I'm always wanting to clamp my hand over her mouth just to have some piece and quiet. I've only done that a handful of times when she was asked numerous times by multiple people to be quiet and stop interrupting.

I feel like punching my 10yo when he gets an attitude with me or argues with me over simple things. Obviously haven't done that.

Hahaha. I'm sorry but the way you phrased the "punching" your 10-yr-old was funny to me. I feel the same about my 7-yr-old. Glad we are able to hold ourselves back!

[Anonymous]

There's been a few times where I came extremely close to smacking his bottom.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, when I try to retreat to my room for my own time out when I feel that I am going to explode, my kids follow me. It's a really difficult dynamic and I find it very hard to dial it down when my very long fuse blows- generally at the end of a long day.

Retreat to your bathroom. Lock the door. Tell them mommy is pooping!

[Anonymous]

Yes, when she jumped on my bad shoulder and another time when she stepped on my liver. I managed not to touch her but I did get up, yell something along the lines of "what in the world are you doing to me?!" and stormed out. She burst out into tears because she didn't really understand what she'd done wrong. My DH explained it to her and talked to her after.

If you feel the urge to hit, give yourself a time out. It's okay to lock yourself in the bath room for a few minutes if that's what you need to calm down. I read the Baby Whisperer when I was expecting and for smaller babies, she suggested that if you feel yourself loosing it, put your baby down in the crib and take a 3 minute break. Your baby will survive crying for a few minutes and some times you just need a moment.