Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread could not have hit more close to home...

All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.

DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!

The last 2 weeks have been really rough.

On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.

This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.

I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.

And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.

I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.

One idea for the next time you get that frustrated during the morning routine: pick up your child, take him upstairs, open the bathroom door, hand him over to your husband no matter what he is doing, close the door, walk back downstairs, and take many deep breaths. I have had to do this on so many occasions. I just pick her up and plunk her down and DH takes over. It's sort of understood that it's a "no blame game" during those times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread could not have hit more close to home...

All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.

DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!

The last 2 weeks have been really rough.

On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.

This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.

I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.

And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.

I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.

I'm not going to try to make you feel bad, although undoubtedly some "helpful" poster will. Ignore them. You have so much on your plate. If your anger really bothers you, that's a positive sign. It's when anger and rage become normative that it's especially worrisome.

You pretty much know the rest: back away from the situation, release your anger when you know it's too much and the incident doesn't matter, find a therapist, etc... I had angry parents, too. Now when I find myself irrationally angry at my too young to help it kid, I can step back and realize that the situation doesn't merit the response. Maybe marriage counseling, as it doesn't seem like a lot of husbands start to help without a third party suggesting it. A hand squeeze across the Internet to you, my dear...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I was excessively beat as a young child (and an older child.)

My DD is almost 4 and it is soooo hard. I try very hard to not succumb to my urges, but I am not perfect. I would say I swatted her butt a handful of times and swatted her face twice (not that hard.) My husband was never hit. Not once. I cannot even imagine that. I strive for that.

We constantly make it known to our DD that we do not hit anyone. And, those few times I've slipped, I told her how wrong I was.

The FUCK? Red flag.

Not PP but red flag for what - becoming an abuser?? I think that's an overreaction. This poster was clearly remorseful.

Maybe, but I have to agree that if you hit ANYONE in the face (especially your child) there is something wrong. I've never hit my child, I've had that intense frustration (when she was three months and wouldn't sleep) and I stepped away from her and handed her to my DH. But, I understand the feeling that overwhelms you. But the ability to slap anyone in the face - shows a lack of respect or a loss of control. Eitherway, I agree it's a sign that there are greater issues at play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread could not have hit more close to home...

All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.

DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!

The last 2 weeks have been really rough.

On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.

This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.

I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.

And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.

I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.

One idea for the next time you get that frustrated during the morning routine: pick up your child, take him upstairs, open the bathroom door, hand him over to your husband no matter what he is doing, close the door, walk back downstairs, and take many deep breaths. I have had to do this on so many occasions. I just pick her up and plunk her down and DH takes over. It's sort of understood that it's a "no blame game" during those times.

My DH and I have this. We call them "Mommy (or Daddy) time outs"

[Anonymous]

there is a billion miles between hitting a 3-month old because they will not sleep and spanking a 5 year for repeatedly running into the street.

amazing lack of sense here.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. I wasn't even ever spanked as a child. Today my 3yo did something awful and it was definitely the urge.

I've never done it but I do feel that way sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there is a billion miles between hitting a 3-month old because they will not sleep and spanking a 5 year for repeatedly running into the street.

amazing lack of sense here.

Did you actually read what I wrote? Or were you in such a hurry to post and judge that you just skimmed. I NEVER hit my child. I was trying to relate to this poster the sense of frustration and how I understand how she felt. How I personal delt with it - by walking away.

Your example does not fit this thread - you are talking about spanking for running into the street. This poster is talking about hitting her child in anger.

If you can not relate to ever being frustrated with your child, maybe you should teach a parenting class. We'd love to learn more about your ability.

[Anonymous]

I think that in times of stress, when we lose access to our higher brain functions, our tendency is to act out our own parents' model of discipline, which is deeply ingrained in us. So if your parents hit you, you will react physically (or have the urge to do so) when your child has just destroyed your last nerve. I was never spanked as a child, so I've never wanted to hit my child. But I was yelled at, so that's my default response when I lose control. As a PP said, both can be equally destructive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.

I get this feeling and I was not hit as a child. For me, the irrationality of toddlers is just really really hard.

[Anonymous]

Dd is just a baby, so no, not yet, but I will say that as a teacher, I totally know the feeling. Obviously that's not an option in the classroom, so I will try to keep that restraint in mind if I ever get to that point in the future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.

I get this feeling and I was not hit as a child. For me, the irrationality of toddlers is just really really hard.

Same here. Not hit/spanked as a child either.

I sometimes wonder if yelling a lot is worse than an occasional spank on the butt.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. You know what? I am grateful because just having that feeling makes me recognize how totally awesome it is and how much self-control it takes each time my kids are frustrated and super-angry and they DON'T hit. I am so proud of them. It is hard. We are adults, and it's hard! So I am grateful for being a bit of an inner impatient asshole, because it has actually somehow helped me develop more empathy and admiration for my kids.

[Anonymous]

When I worked in daycare, we actually had a code that we could call over the intercom if we needed a teacher time out. No one even considered looking down on a teacher who called a "Code Mia". Sometimes you need to be able to walk away. Your DH needs to step up a little and help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread could not have hit more close to home...

All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.

DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!

The last 2 weeks have been really rough.

On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.

This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.

I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.

And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.

I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.

My heart goes out to you. I can tell you're trying and you're hurting. I have an 11-month-old who has been pinching, biting while nursing, scratching, and slapping a lot lately. I know she doesn't understand, but it's painful and drives me nuts. I never feel an urge to hit her, but I think it's because of my strategy: When I'm getting really frustrated, I plop her in her pack and play and go upstairs to gather my wits. Sure, she cries and screams for the five minutes I'm away, but she's safe in the playpen and I get a moment to regroup. I recommend doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.

NP here. I was spanked just once as a child.

When my DS was born I had PPD and I wanted to hit my 2.5 yr DD when she was acting out or waking her brother. I felt AWFUL about even having those feelings. I did squeeze her arm really hard once and it did nothing at all to stop her wailing (I was worried she would wake him up) and I knew that physical punishment is not worth it.

OP--are you going through a hard time with your life? When you have the urge to hit your child, what else is happening? Are you scared of something else happening at the same time?

This was me. I actually was spanked as a kid. Not a ton because I was a really easy, compliant kid, but my siblings were both spanked a lot. For the first three months or so of my second child's life, there were numerous times I felt like I wanted to smack my two year old. Sickens me to think about it now. He was practically still a baby himself. I never hit him but I smacked the couch or my leg a number of times. I was just about to seek therapy when I noticed it subsiding a lot and then disappearing entirely.