Any Good Reasons To Have a Third Kid?

[Anonymous]

We have three and are considering a fourth. yes, we live out - way out and yes, we have had to cut back on some things but not things that I've noticed in any real way. Lots of restaurant visits are gone but that was gone when we had our first child. I love our raucus family - they are 4.5, 2.5 and 11 months and they love each other. I did end up staying at home after the birth of our third child, I went back to work for only a few months before discovering that the needs of my family were too great for me to keep up with in the evenings and weekends. That may not be true for everyone or forever but it was very hard for me to work full time. We did not have to switch vehicles but we already had a giant SUV. We did consider a minivan but decided against it. That said, the reasons you want a third child need to outweigh the reasons you don't. I agree with pp's that said they'd never heard anyone regret the addition of a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, definitely. You need the third to close the vicious circle. First kid is spoiled and indiferent to your needs,
second is always feeling inferior and inadequate by being second and the third helps the middle one to be
screwed even more by loosing all the short lasting attention and status of a baby of the family for which
he or she will ALWAYs hate the third one, and so now you need the third one to feel entirely optional,
unwanted and uneeded by the first two, being object of being pushed away as due to the age gap
they will just have nothing in common and the fights will be endless.. untill they grow up and see things
in proportion and through parents eyes if they will ever get to be parents.

So yes, definitely. I know so many families with three kids and the deeper you cut the more burnt parents
are and the more screwed further down the road kis are.

Good god, woman! I think you need some of my little blue pills!

[Anonymous]

Don't have to read beyond your title to say "if you have to ask, then you probably shouldn't be considering it."

[Anonymous]

I like big families. Big families aren't lonely. They're happy. They banter and fight but they're big and it's fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like big families. Big families aren't lonely. They're happy. They banter and fight but they're big and it's fun.

Yes, my husband's one of two, spaced by 8 years, and I am one of 6. Even though he loves his sister, they were never very intimate. On the other hand, my siblings and I grew up living on top of eachother, and we are still very close. He prefers visiting my siblings, because it is always fun and interesting. Another plus when you have more siblings is that you have to learn to be self-reliant much earlier than many people from small families. And the siblings learn to take care of each other as the parents can't solely fill every need in large families.

On the down side of having just two, my husband lives away from his family so his sister bears the brunt of the daily issues with their mom. I am sure she would appreciate another person around to help spread the "joy".

[Anonymous]

I would like a 3d but am worried we waited too long. I'm now over 40 and there would be a BIG age difference. Now that my 2 are growing up, I really wish there was one more. However, with the risks at my age not sure it is fair to the rest of the family. The desire does not always go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like a 3d but am worried we waited too long. I'm now over 40 and there would be a BIG age difference. Now that my 2 are growing up, I really wish there was one more. However, with the risks at my age not sure it is fair to the rest of the family. The desire does not always go away.

Not sure what "risks at your age" you're talking about but when we had tweens and a surprise pregnancy (at age 42), my obgyn insisted that the scary statistics did not apply to moms with prior healthy pregnancies. I wasn't even considered high risk in any way. Went on to have a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy, delivery and now 8 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of 3, as is DH. We can't imagine NOT having 3. We're taking it one kid at a time, of course, but being 1 of 3 was so much fun. There was always a sibling around to interact with. And now that we're older, it still feels festive if one of us can't make a family gathering (say, as we marry and have other commitments). We get along really well, and it's nice to know that we'll have each other as our parents age, particular as we start to need to care for them.

I'm also one of the 3, and this PP has it totally right. I LOVE having two siblings and want the same for my kids. I love interactions between the three of us -- it's still like a party to this day, rowdy and quick-moving. We don't live in the same place, but we regularly do conference calls and video chats and regular chats. I love being able to turn to one sibling with advice and support regarding how to help or deal with the other sibling. I love that when my relationship with one sibling is growing more distant, my relationship with the second sibling is still growing strong. We all support each other in so many ways. It's phenomenal.

[Anonymous]

I had a third girl. Didn't need her, didn't initially want her (when I saw the pregnancy test +, I cried), but definitely decided to have her (no accident). She is, without a doubt, the best decision I ever made.

For me, and this is only for me, I was all about what made sense, what seemed right, what worked in an equation. I deep down wanted another child but the reasoning wasn't there.

When I decided to go for it, with DH (he REALLY wanted a third), it was my way of accepting life for the crap-shoot it really is. I am not saying one should flout serious risks, either physical or financial, I am just saying that for me, there was NEVER going to be the right choice. I just wanted her. That's it. And she is the best decision I have ever made.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the feeling of wanting a third doesn't necessarily go away. I waited years for my feeling of wanting a third to go away, and when I finally realized it wasn't going anywhere and I was just getting older, we went for it. I worried throughout the pregnancy that we were pushing our luck, that having a third child would somehow ruin our family or our marriage. He is here now (a third boy) and is several years old and is such a joy. His brothers love him so much, and there is so much more joy in our house and family. And our family now feels complete. Logistically and money-wise, some things are a little harder, but if I had to do it again, I definitely would, and I would try not to agonize so much over the decision and worry so much during the pregnancy. I think sometimes you just have to trust your gut. Also, think about what your priorities are in life. Work? Travel? Freedom? Children? What means the most to you and makes you the happiest? And if your priorities match up with your gut feelings, then there's your answer.

[Anonymous]

I welcomed all of my children as gifts from God. If you think too hard about having a child, he or she shrinks down to someTHING you produce, rather than a unique someONE you love for his/her own sake.

When people ask me if I'm "done," or if I wanted a big family, I say I just left everything up to God. That may not be for you, but even if not, just do it as a mental exercise: what if you could not control your family size? What if children just came along because you and your husband made love? What would your children mean to you, if they just happened, rather than you "made" them?

Love does not get used up on your kids--love grows with your kids. Be generous in your love! Life is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you asked--no, not really.

What is the reason to have a second?

It's a way of building responsibility in the older one. First-born kids are usually more successful, leaders, etc, etc...

Wow. Your younger child must feel *really* valued.

Funny you should say that: We have one of those Bill & Ted double-decker strollers where you put the firstborn "Dauphin" in the top seat where they can enjoy the sunshine, then stuff your second down in the "dungeon" seat with the reusable bags and pull-ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because there is nothing better in the entire universe than creating a life and holding that little life the minute he/she enters the world. Loving that little person and having them love you back! I would go for it!

Wow. Really? Very short sighted. Children are great. But they are expensive and a drain on the earth. They don't stay little, you know...they have to go to college, buy homes and so on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because there is nothing better in the entire universe than creating a life and holding that little life the minute he/she enters the world. Loving that little person and having them love you back! I would go for it!

Wow. Really? Very short sighted. Children are great. But they are expensive and a drain on the earth. They don't stay little, you know...they have to go to college, buy homes and so on...

Jebus never gives you nuthin' you can't handle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a third girl. Didn't need her, didn't initially want her (when I saw the pregnancy test +, I cried), but definitely decided to have her (no accident). She is, without a doubt, the best decision I ever made.

For me, and this is only for me, I was all about what made sense, what seemed right, what worked in an equation. I deep down wanted another child but the reasoning wasn't there.

When I decided to go for it, with DH (he REALLY wanted a third), it was my way of accepting life for the crap-shoot it really is. I am not saying one should flout serious risks, either physical or financial, I am just saying that for me, there was NEVER going to be the right choice. I just wanted her. That's it. And she is the best decision I have ever made.

Lord, I hope this will be me in 9 months--just found out we're having a 3rd, we weren't planning on it, but were being sloppy...I have been spending this pregnancy wondering if this will ruin everything, I love having my two girls and the youngest is almost 3 & nearly potty-trained; now we have to start over. I just hope I wont resent this poor kid because it wasn't planned.