Any Good Reasons To Have a Third Kid?

[Anonymous]

I keep feeling like I may want to have a third kid. But when I think about it it seems totally irrational and like the "wrong" decision. Having another would cost us a lot more money (we both work), make our lives busier and even more chaotic, reset the clock just as our younger one is becoming a relatively reasonable verbal potty trained person, give us less time for our kids, each other, and ourselves, delay more extensive travel (which we miss and would be less able to afford), require a different car, require juggling older kids' activities with naps, having less % to contribute to each kids' college, more illness, doing the first year again (which makes us grumpy), possibly make it so our large family never gets invited any where, definitely make it so our limited family help is less willing...and on and on. And that's without thinking about the risks of a non-healthy baby.

Are there upsides? Why can't I shake the thought that maybe we should have another? If I wait a while, will it go away?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

because they are very very cute.

[Anonymous]

We're in a share with a 12mo old - same age as DC and a 8 and 9yo so sometimes the baby fever doesn't go away

[Anonymous]

I think the true test is to have a friend bring their newborn over. Let him/her rifle through your older kids toys. Go back to changing diapers and babygating and babyproofing for a day....that may solve it for you.

[Anonymous]

Since you asked--no, not really.

[Anonymous]

You want one and can afford one (as in, can feed, clothe, house, and provide health care for everyone). That's all the reason you need.

I'm one of 3, as is DH. We can't imagine NOT having 3. We're taking it one kid at a time, of course, but being 1 of 3 was so much fun. There was always a sibling around to interact with. And now that we're older, it still feels festive if one of us can't make a family gathering (say, as we marry and have other commitments). We get along really well, and it's nice to know that we'll have each other as our parents age, particular as we start to need to care for them.

But if you feel the downsides will outweigh the good, then please heed that. A lot of the things you mentioned will carry as much weight as you give them, so if you think your perspective will color how you experience another child, please take that into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep feeling like I may want to have a third kid. But when I think about it it seems totally irrational and like the "wrong" decision. Having another would cost us a lot more money (we both work), make our lives busier and even more chaotic, reset the clock just as our younger one is becoming a relatively reasonable verbal potty trained person, give us less time for our kids, each other, and ourselves, delay more extensive travel (which we miss and would be less able to afford), require a different car, require juggling older kids' activities with naps, having less % to contribute to each kids' college, more illness, doing the first year again (which makes us grumpy), possibly make it so our large family never gets invited any where, definitely make it so our limited family help is less willing...and on and on. And that's without thinking about the risks of a non-healthy baby.

Are there upsides? Why can't I shake the thought that maybe we should have another? If I wait a while, will it go away?

No upsides. Yes, it goes away after a while. Although it took a long while to go away for me. But the downsides really outweighed the desire, and I ultimately felt like I would be cheating my children out of too much: opportunities (travel), time, attention, money (college funds, for instance). They already have each other, so not missing the sibling experience.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. My third really seems to have completed us as a family. Part of that is that she is our only girl. My husband and I went back and forth on whether to have a third - I am so glad we did.

FWIW, while I agree with some of your and other posters downsides, I TRULY don't believe one of them is that we cheated our other kids out of anything. They ADORE their sister. They may even get MORE attention and it has really helped with sibling rivalry - it isn't X vs. Y any longer.

Money isn't a huge issue for us, so finances haven't really factored into the equation.

[Anonymous]

OP, you and I must share a brain...

I can't help but feel like our family isn't complete, but, given the downsides (the exact things you mentioned), I can't help but feel like it would be the wrong decision. And, honestly, I worry that I would regret it, particularly during that first year, which makes me really grumpy, too. I, too, hope the feeling will just go away (my youngest is just shy of 2), especially as I'm getting rid of all the baby stuff right now. The fact that I have two (awesome) boys and would really like to have a girl doesn't help the situation, although I just generally feel like someone is "missing" from our family, not that we're missing a little girl necessarily. In fact, I assume that a third would probably be a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you asked--no, not really.

What is the reason to have a second?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you asked--no, not really.

What is the reason to have a second?

The purely rational ones, outside of the desire for another kid: so the first has a sibling, when they're older they play with each other which can free up your time a bit actually. Also some of the downsides don't seem as big with a second (the world is set up for families or 4 but not necessarily 5).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you asked--no, not really.

What is the reason to have a second?

For us...our two play fantastically together. I don't have to be the other player in board games or the bad guy in good guys vs bad guys.

They will go down in the rec room and giggle and laugh for hours while I kick back with my coffee, ipad and a newspaper.

My friends with just one are desperate for constant playdates because their kid is bored..always calling, knocking on our door. We dont' have the same urgency to have to get another kid over.

They stick up for each other in public places (have each others backs). On vacations--they have that instant playmate. They learn sharing everyday and empathy because every waking minute at home somebody has something they need. Older brother has learned great compassion for younger kids.

There will be a sibling when we are gone.

---we have 2 boys (2.5 years apart). I am the youngest of 3. I loved have two siblings..but my family feels complete with two....esp. given the current dynamic of my 3.5 yr old and 6 yr. old. A new baby at this point (would be at least 4.5 y r spread btwn youngust...would require a lot more work()

[Anonymous]

Because there is nothing better in the entire universe than creating a life and holding that little life the minute he/she enters the world. Loving that little person and having them love you back! I would go for it!

[Anonymous]

I decided to stop at 2. One boy, one girl - perfect for my family. I love my family dearly, but parenting is hard work and if we had another child my husband and I would be outnumbered. Now, when we go places, I can schlep one and he can manage the other. There's a TON of gear when they're young - carseat, stroller, highchair, etc. not to mention diapers. Maybe I'm just getting older and my kids are at the ages where they're starting to need me a little less and I can get some of my own "self" back, but I can't see the reason to have another. We're delighted with 2.