Not circumsizing your son--what was your experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the finding a partner discussion of this, my aunt had my uncle get circumcised and he was in his 40's. That is cringeworthy to me and wish I didn't know about this. So, sometimes a partner does care.

I would suspect that is due to sheer ignorance. We have had several decades where circ was the norm, so it is to be expected that there existed a contingent of women who honestly did not know any better. Our sons today are growing up in a completely different situation. Today, we have many people from other countries (where circumcision is not practiced) living amongst us, even in middle-upper class neighborhoods. Today, we travel frequently to other parts of the country and world. Today, we have the internet to connect us instantly with people of different cultures. Our children - sons and daughters - will have much greater exposure to normal penises. All of these things are gradually helping us to understand, as a society, that circumcision is unnecessary and harmful. Over the past decade the circumcision rate has dropped dramatically in this country, and in some areas of the US it is now much more common to be uncircumcised. I expect that over the next ten years, we will see our rates fall more in line with Canada's, where now only 5-10% of boys are circumcised. Of course the Jewish will still be circumcised, and their right to do so should always be protected and honored until (if ever) they choose differently.

Even a lot of Jewish people are opting out. Unless they keep kosher and practice faithfully, I don't see why it's necessary. People cling to that tradition while rejecting so many others like women shaving their heads and taking ritual baths. I was raised Jewish but not kosher or particularly religious and I did not circumcise DS.

That is really refreshing to hear. Do you think that is starting to spread through the groups of "culturally Jewish" folks? Or are you a complete anomaly?

I'm "Jewish by birth" and chose not to circumcise my son. You can have a baby naming ceremony without cutting off part of a child's body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS#1 -- not circumcised. Huge adhesions from age 6 months to 4. Many doctors consulted with varying ideas of what to do. We finally had him circumcised at age 4 and no problems since. It was not traumatic for him.

DS#2 -- circumcised at birth due to brother's issues. Adhesions.

I don't know the right answer but I feel like a lot of my life has been spent worrying about penises.

How did you know DS#1 had adhesions?

Our ped tried to retracted it at his 6 month check up and couldn't. From what we learned adhesions are pretty normal but his were rather large. When he would get an erection (sorry, is it really an erection in a baby?!?!) it would be very painful for him. We got a lot of conflicting information, retract and lube or just leave it alone. Neither one really worked for him and as he got older is became very apparent that his penis was painful for him a lot of the time. He wouldn't want anyone to touch it, changing diapers would freak him out, etc.

I'm sorry your doctor did that to your son and hope that he becomes educated so he does not injure other children the way he inadvertantly did to your child.

[Anonymous]

I just came into this thread to say penis.

penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the finding a partner discussion of this, my aunt had my uncle get circumcised and he was in his 40's. That is cringeworthy to me and wish I didn't know about this. So, sometimes a partner does care.

I would suspect that is due to sheer ignorance. We have had several decades where circ was the norm, so it is to be expected that there existed a contingent of women who honestly did not know any better. Our sons today are growing up in a completely different situation. Today, we have many people from other countries (where circumcision is not practiced) living amongst us, even in middle-upper class neighborhoods. Today, we travel frequently to other parts of the country and world. Today, we have the internet to connect us instantly with people of different cultures. Our children - sons and daughters - will have much greater exposure to normal penises. All of these things are gradually helping us to understand, as a society, that circumcision is unnecessary and harmful. Over the past decade the circumcision rate has dropped dramatically in this country, and in some areas of the US it is now much more common to be uncircumcised. I expect that over the next ten years, we will see our rates fall more in line with Canada's, where now only 5-10% of boys are circumcised. Of course the Jewish will still be circumcised, and their right to do so should always be protected and honored until (if ever) they choose differently.

Even a lot of Jewish people are opting out. Unless they keep kosher and practice faithfully, I don't see why it's necessary. People cling to that tradition while rejecting so many others like women shaving their heads and taking ritual baths. I was raised Jewish but not kosher or particularly religious and I did not circumcise DS.

That is really refreshing to hear. Do you think that is starting to spread through the groups of "culturally Jewish" folks? Or are you a complete anomaly?

I don't think I am a complete anomaly but it is still not very common. I know other Jewish people who agonized over the decision and ended up circumcising which made me sad. After the bris, my friend came crying to me about how awful it was. My sister didn't want to circ her son but her husband put his foot down. There is a lot of cultural pressure and my Dad definitely freaked out when we didn't circ but he got over it. I only know one other Jewish family who didn't do it.

[Anonymous]

I'm so ignorant about all this. Where I come from, boys just grow up with what they're born with and I never hear of problems. Don't even give bathing a second thought - just plunk him in the bath.

So, what are people scared of? And what is the prevalence of that (infection, I assume)? How come other countries get buy fine without this procedure?

[Anonymous]

we had our first circumsized after we were told that his not being circumsized lead to the UTI that kept him in the NICU another 2 weeks. He had complications and lost nearly 1/3 of his blood requiring a blood transfusion. Thankfully there are no long term issues, but I will definitely veto circumsizing if I have another boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we had our first circumsized after we were told that his not being circumsized lead to the UTI that kept him in the NICU another 2 weeks. He had complications and lost nearly 1/3 of his blood requiring a blood transfusion. Thankfully there are no long term issues, but I will definitely veto circumsizing if I have another boy.

I'm sorry! Poor baby and such awful advice from the doctors! I'm the PP whose son had a UTI and was given the same advice. It makes me so mad- anyone can get a UTI and often they are misdiagnosed in babies because it is so difficult to get a clean urine sample from a catheter. My baby was only two months old and the docs really pushed me to circumcise him too. Luckily, my in-laws are European doctors and they told me it was unnecessary.

[cuzimawesome]

didn't circ my second son and it was the easiest transition ever when we got home from the hospital. my first son was circed, and on top of being a new mom, i had to worry about taking care of his poor mutilated little penis. after that i promised myself that if i had another son, i WOULD NOT circ. so yeah.... no circ this time and no problems and so so easy to take care of. i don't even think about it, actually.

[Anonymous]

We didn't circ and I echo what all PPs have said about cleaning AND about being careful with doctors and nurses trying to retract the foreskin. Our friends had a horrible experience with the ER nurses forcibly retracting their toddler's foreskin (over their objections) to do a urine test.

[Anonymous]

another jew here who didn't circumcise. we do exist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have decided that we are not circumcising our son, but we have no experience how to wash and handle him after birth.

Have any of you gotten any advice on what to read or should the pediatrician be the best resource for this?

We are interviewing pediatricians soon and that will be one of the first questions to ask. Any feedback is welcome.

Thanks.

I am always glad when I hear that another parent chooses not to circ their DS. We just had a DS of our own and decided not to circ him. Having no experience with an uncirc'd penis, I was in a similar situation. Here is what I have learned:

- Do not forcefully retract the foreskin ever.

- There is nothing special that you need to do when cleaning. Don't retract, don't use extra soap - just let it be.

Here is a good reference:

http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/

Also, I have seen several pediatricians who forcibly retract my DS' foreskin to "see if the hole is visible/make sure he pees straight". My DS cries whenever a doc does this at his well baby check ups. According to other parents in a different topic (see General Parenting Discussion - "Question For Those of You With Uncircumcised Toddlers") this is totally unnecessary and seemingly painful for the infant. So watch out - make sure you are comfortable with your doctor and comfortable that your doctor knows what he is doing.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't mean to hijack the thread...but honestly, what is the reason that people opt for circumcision if there are no religious reasons? I was born in Europe and no one circumcises their children there unless it serves religious purposes. I was shocked to learn that the majority of men in the US are circumcised regardless of religion.

Honestly, hijack the thread. That's a great question. I'd like to start a movement to end routine circumcision in the US. It is disgusting and pretty much on par with genital mutilation.

[Anonymous]

cuzimawesome wrote:didn't circ my second son and it was the easiest transition ever when we got home from the hospital. my first son was circed, and on top of being a new mom, i had to worry about taking care of his poor mutilated little penis. after that i promised myself that if i had another son, i WOULD NOT circ. so yeah.... no circ this time and no problems and so so easy to take care of. i don't even think about it, actually.

Love it. And props to you to decide not to circ your second son. I imagine that was somewhat of a difficult decision since you will have one of each and some explaining to do when they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was circumcised, but not well (the foreskin was left too long -- my ped analogized it to a turtleneck that should stop at your chin but goes up to your eyes) and we have had a lot of issues with adhesions and yeast infections. Now that he is almost 2 it seems to be getting better, but the first 2 years have been very difficult -- painful for him and not very pleasant for us. I imagine it's similar to what we would have gone through had he not been circumcised at all. My sister had the same issues with her youngest son, although his issues persist and he is almost 5.

Uncircumcised penises require no special care. They do not need to be cleaned in any special way - I disagree with your statement: "I imagine it's similar to what we would have gone through had he not been circumcised at all".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we had our first circumsized after we were told that his not being circumsized lead to the UTI that kept him in the NICU another 2 weeks. He had complications and lost nearly 1/3 of his blood requiring a blood transfusion. Thankfully there are no long term issues, but I will definitely veto circumsizing if I have another boy.

I'm sorry! Poor baby and such awful advice from the doctors! I'm the PP whose son had a UTI and was given the same advice. It makes me so mad- anyone can get a UTI and often they are misdiagnosed in babies because it is so difficult to get a clean urine sample from a catheter. My baby was only two months old and the docs really pushed me to circumcise him too. Luckily, my in-laws are European doctors and they told me it was unnecessary.

We did circ after a UTI, but ours sounds like a much different case. DS spiked a VERY high fever at 2 wks old, UTI spread to blood. Was in the hospital for a week. Ultimately diagnosed with Grade 4+ Vesicoureteral Reflux and one very low-functioning kidney. Grade 4+ reflux is so bad that just one more UTI would result in corrective surgery, and his kidney is so weak that, rather than correcting the reflux at that point, they would just remove the kidney. Recent, medically sound, studies show that circumcision in cases such as these has a big preventive effect on UTIs, which are otherwise quite common with high-grade reflux.

So we saw it as circ'ing to prevent the high possibility of a future kidney removal. Docs were supportive but never pushy--we definitely felt like it was our decision alone. The circ itself was fine--he cried a lot the first hour after, and was out of sorts all day, but was totally back normal within another day or two. The ped. surgeon (Marmon) did a great job, and we've never had any problems since.

We also had our son's frenulum clipped to correct a severe tongue tie at 5 days old--another surgery that some might describe as painful and unnecessary--and after these two experiences, I really feel like circumcision is a much smaller deal than so many anti- folks make it out to be.