Ten signs you may be too old to have another baby - Zsa Zsa Gabor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when idiots ask me if I ever considered adoption. No, I went through the fun and expense of IVF because I just DIDN't want to give a home to an existing child.

1). Domestic adoptions are mostly open, couples have to be chosen, and you run the risk and heartbreak of a last-minute change of heart. (It has happened to two friends who had already endured a lot in their effort to be mothers). We had two knocks against us -- my husband was in his 40s when we started all this (couples in their 30s were preferred) and we already had one child.

2) There are millions of children worldwide who need families. They are not available for international adoption for reasons that are specific to each country. Believe me, I tried. I was willing to adopt a child up to 4 with medical needs from any country that would have me. You have to choose one country at a time (and give up being on a domestic wait-list), go through what can be 2-3 years of hurdles, and then have adotions from that country frozen -- it happened for us with Guatemala, Russia, and Ethopia.

3) After years of expense and disappointment and paying adoption agencies who NEVER gave me the true story, a social worker took pity on me. By that time, my husband had hit age 50. The woman said "you aren't going to adopt unless you go through the foster child program." And, of course, a foster parent bonds with that child not knowing whether or not they'll eventually be able to adopt.

For all these reasons, it is really wrong to make assumptioins and judge a women who chooses fertility treatments. Just be glad it isn't you.

I really appreciate your taking the time to share your experiences and feelings here. Very enlightening to many of us, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but what's the point here folks? That women in their 40s shouldn't have children? That people shouldn't have IVF? People have IVF in all age groups, including their 20s and 30s.

The point is that these issues are something to think about, and many moms and dads don't realize the connection and possible outcomes (obvious even here on the DCUM forum). Not every family is prepared financially or emotionally to parent children with significant special needs.

People of all ages and circumstances can have a special needs child, whether that child is conceived the old-fashioned way or through assisted reproduction, so this is something any prospective parent should be prepared for.

Yes they can, but some groups more than others. Many time on this forum, posters have asked why there are so many more special needs children, or children in special ed, or children with autism, etc. As stated in this thread, there are reasons backed by research and statistics.

I think there is a range of reasons for increases in spectrum disorders, including increased efforts at diagnosing kids and diagnostic knowledge that did not previously exist. Additionally, it is my understanding that special needs that genetic tests exist for actually occur more frequently in younger parents because they do not have the genetic tests that older moms all get as a matter of course and some older mothers may choose to terminate the pregnancy because of test results (not trying to start a debate here, just noting the difference).

[Anonymous]

"The poster doesn't say when she adopted but the countries open to "older" adopters were/are Russia, Kazakhstan, China, Guatemala, Haiti, Korea, Vietnam, Cambodia and I believe Ukraine "

Our family of "older parents" was turned down for an infant by both China and Korea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but what's the point here folks? That women in their 40s shouldn't have children? That people shouldn't have IVF? People have IVF in all age groups, including their 20s and 30s.

The point is that these issues are something to think about, and many moms and dads don't realize the connection and possible outcomes (obvious even here on the DCUM forum). Not every family is prepared financially or emotionally to parent children with significant special needs.

People of all ages and circumstances can have a special needs child, whether that child is conceived the old-fashioned way or through assisted reproduction, so this is something any prospective parent should be prepared for.

Yes they can, but some groups more than others. Many time on this forum, posters have asked why there are so many more special needs children, or children in special ed, or children with autism, etc. As stated in this thread, there are reasons backed by research and statistics.

I think there is a range of reasons for increases in spectrum disorders, including increased efforts at diagnosing kids and diagnostic knowledge that did not previously exist. Additionally, it is my understanding that special needs that genetic tests exist for actually occur more frequently in younger parents because they do not have the genetic tests that older moms all get as a matter of course and some older mothers may choose to terminate the pregnancy because of test results (not trying to start a debate here, just noting the difference).

Good points that I think are accurate. Certainly, on the Asperger's end of the ASD spectrum, those of us doing school system evals are making the diagnosis more often. In the past, some of those kids would have been given an LD eligibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The poster doesn't say when she adopted but the countries open to "older" adopters were/are Russia, Kazakhstan, China, Guatemala, Haiti, Korea, Vietnam, Cambodia and I believe Ukraine "

Our family of "older parents" was turned down for an infant by both China and Korea.

By the Chinese or Korean govt itself - as in the government set you an official letter that said you were turned down - OR the agency itself turned you down?

Big difference and the later happens all the time. Age itself is never a disqualifier in most cases as agencies work with couples/families of all ages. They will turn you down for a myriad of other things and blame it on whatever they want. Other reasons they turn people down - use of anti depressants, infertility treatments, minor criminal offenses, wrong religion. wanting a healthy child, even when all of these things are acceptable to the country itselfetc. The agency can easily have many biases.