$400 handbag-- excessive or buy it? (backstory)

[Anonymous]

Hate that "desperation gift" mindset, my father used to do this for my mother, and it was so obvious that he did not care one bit about her feelings. As a teen I ended up searching for and selecting gifts year round that my father could buy for my mother. Pathetic, and worth a few therapy sessions later in life.

OP, communication is key. Say that flashy does not equal appreciation. Say you would rather he not buy anything, or just a gag gift that you can both laugh at.

A good bargain is a good bargain, though. If you like that bag, buy it on sale

[Anonymous]

Another idea:

Just agree not to buy each other gifts. I have a hubs who happens to know what he wants and needs for his hobbies and interests -- he researches this stuff up and down, and they're outside of my field.

I often find myself groping and grasping at straws when buying for my beloved! I understand why my mum always bought by dad underwear, undershirts and socks! She knew he could always use them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the advice and psychoanalysis.
I was partially looking for feedback on whether the pricetag in itself was excessive, but also whether I should just get it in the context of my relationship with DH.

If the handbag was simply sorta expensive in the first place (when DH first got it for me) -- say $200 or maybe even $300-- I may have just kept it. But we are not the type of couple--nor am I the type of person--who spends $700 on things like handbags. (I'm casting NO judgment here.) I had previously told him not to buy any more "desparation gifts" and hadn't gotten one in a while.

But I was hurt that he never picked anything else out. And annoyed that when I mentioned it recently (when it was on sale), he was like, "really?" As I said to him, was I not ever meant to have it? Classic desparation gift.

Other PPs did pick up on another vibe which is that I am an adult and if I want it and we can afford it, then I shouldn't need his permission. We have been married for almost 10 years and have joint finances. We generally see eye to eye on money. However, I noticed in the last few years that most of the "nice" stuff I have (jewelry, watch) were gifts from DH. But I think had I just gone out and bought them for myself he'd think it was excessive. He doesn't spend much money on himself, and his own father is VERY cheap so I know being money-conscious is something he tries to avoid (since it was toxic growing up) but is nonetheless deeply engrained.

Anyway. This morning I bought the purse, but it's on presale at Bloomingdales so I'm not picking it up until
after Thanksgiving. Will check back in if I keep it.

I also think

[Anonymous]

too much