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$400 handbag-- excessive or buy it? (backstory)
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Anonymous
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This year, our anniversary occurred when DS was only 2 weeks old. I was sleep-deprived, isolated, teary, etc. DH bought me a very expensive handbag--Ferragamo-- around $700. It was beautiful but I just couldn't justify the expense. (We make a comfortable living so it's not an issue of being able to afford it). DH said he felt so bad for me, and thought this would be nice. I ended up returning the bag and told DH he could get me something else if he wanted.
DH has a history of buying pricey gifts out of desparation, knowing that I will return them. He expects me to return them. Yes, I know this is twisted, and in truth has only happened a few times but enough that there's a pattern. This handbag was so expensive I am sure this was a similar "desparation" gift and he was probably relieved when I didn't keep it. Anyway, now the handbag is on sale for $400 and I want it. To be honest, part of me is truly motivated by the symbolism. DH never got me anything else and was not as helpful as he could have been in the early weeks. I also think it will break DH from the habit of the "desparation gift. (when I mentioned the bag was on sale and I was going to buy it, he raised his eyebrows and said something like, do you really like it?) |
Anonymous
| Sure! Act like he didn't "forget" to replace an anniversary gift nag go get it. Maybe he'll be more thoughtful (and price appropriate). |
Anonymous
| Go for it! |
Anonymous
| Get the bag. |
Anonymous
| Get it! |
Anonymous
| another get it! |
Anonymous
| Yeah, get the bag. Maybe give DH a heads up that it's on sale before you do so? Just to let him know that you're buying it, before you just come home with it? |
Anonymous
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The cost of the handbag is the least of your problems. If you can afford it, get it. But what's up with the weird dynamic with your husband?
"Desperation gifts?" WTF? And if you can afford something why do you need to discuss it with your husband (if it's not an insane amount of $ which it sounds like it is not for you all)? You are an adult. |
Anonymous
| OP, maybe you are overthinking this a bit? |
Anonymous
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I would never buy a $400 bag (and yes, we can afford it). It feels so excessive to me I wouldn't want to carry it. But i know it's an investment piece that you'd use forever, so if you really want it and it suits your taste, get it. Just not something I would ever really want, personally.
Then again, my MIL shops only at Bloomingdales and buys only Ralph Lauren clothes for our kids, and I return most of them and buy their clothes at Target, Kohl's, and Justice. (I save a few items for them to wear when we see her.) Most people would probably keep the clothes, but it seems crazy to me to put such expensive things on small children, except for special occasions. Last week I returned 2 pairs of jeans she sent for DS, and it came to $140. I don't know if it's because I grew up in a more frugal household or what, but I can't bring myself to spend a lot on material goods just for labels or status or whatever. |
Anonymous
I tend to feel the same way. I've gotten really into bags in the last two years, and I could afford a $400 one every once in a while, but I too wouldn't enjoy it. It really does seem excessive. I have paid just over $300, and been fine. But that's about my limit. But OP, if you think you will enjoy it then get it. 400 is certainly better than 700, which I can't fathom buying even if we were worth several million. It just seems crazy that a bag could cost that much. |
Anonymous
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I wonder if you're reading too much into this. Perhaps he genuinely wants to give you something special when you're going through a rough time. Some people like to do that - giving a special gift makes them feel good as well. And he may have raised his eyebrows because he thought you returned it because you didn't like it - so is now surprised that you like it.
I can just imagine his take on it ... my wife never likes the gifts I give her and always returns them. But why would she go back and buy it this time ... ? |
Anonymous
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OP,
Are you sure he's buying pricey gifts out of desperation? Is that what he's explained? If he's not, if he just likes doing as much, doesn't that change the dynamic? I'm not getting this desperation gift. Personally, I would not get it, too conspicuous consumption to me. |
Anonymous
| OP here -- by desparation gift I mean it's a birthday or anniversary and he hasn't gotten a gift. We live in an area with lots of shopping, so it's easy for either of us to buy something last minute. In the past, he has procrastinated and then not found what he's looking for, and ends up buying something that is kinda pricey so he'll have a gift. |
Anonymous
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OP here-- I should also note that I'm not a conspicuous consumer. I've used the same Coach handbag for 10 years and carry a $50 Sally tote bag to work. I wear the same pair of Danskos every day. So it's not like I've got a closet full of pricey accessories.
I guess in my irrational PP state, I'm thinking why not treat myself to something nice? I probably would have kept it in the first place had it not been $700!!! Also, this anniversary incident was about 3 mo ago. |