Daycare - pros and cons

[Anonymous]

Another big fan of daycare here. The reality is that no situation - daycare, nanny or share, even SAHM -is absolutely perfect, and every child and family differs in terms of what kind of care works best. For us, the tradeoffs of daycare are well worth it, even though the initial transition was hellish (huge separation anxiety and non-stop viruses.) But I wanted to use my education and skills, and the nanny thing just wasn't for us (both because of costs and oversight qualms.) And in truth daycare has been a huge plus for my son - as an only child so far he craves the company of other kids. He eats much healthier at daycare, has great creative activities, and behaves better thanks to his teachers and the examples of other kids. (We use a bilingual center, so he's also learned Spanish at school.)

There are lots of times I would have loved to have a nanny - not really for my son's sake, but mostly I think it makes the parents' lives easier! And having grown up with a SAHM and a neighborhood full of kids, I know that's a great way to be raised. But on balance I am certain that daycare is the right scenario for our family. To the OP, you just have to figure out what makes sense for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I have a friend, a SAHM, who also believed in the same theory. She didn't really get her daughter out with other children until the age of 2.5-when she went to preschool. That child is very well rounded, very delightful, and is great with other children. She told me-children really don't "play with each other" until the age of 2.5-3-that's when they start to interact. I guess she must have read that book. "

This theory doesn't sound right. My one yeat old loves to play with his 3 yr old sister. He delights in patty cake and clapping games, they chase each other, hand toys back and forth. She is very good with him and he loves to play. So what are families with 2, 3, or 4 kids supposed do keep them confined to separate sections of the house to avoid peer orientation?

No, he means large groups of unrelated children - not siblings.

My children love to play together too. But he's talking about true "play". You won't find it much until children are a little older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I have a friend, a SAHM, who also believed in the same theory. She didn't really get her daughter out with other children until the age of 2.5-when she went to preschool. That child is very well rounded, very delightful, and is great with other children. She told me-children really don't "play with each other" until the age of 2.5-3-that's when they start to interact. I guess she must have read that book. "

This theory doesn't sound right. My one yeat old loves to play with his 3 yr old sister. He delights in patty cake and clapping games, they chase each other, hand toys back and forth. She is very good with him and he loves to play. So what are families with 2, 3, or 4 kids supposed do keep them confined to separate sections of the house to avoid peer orientation?

I'm the "Hold On To Your Kids" poster. As another, separate poster pointed out, the author is absolutely not talking about siblings. He's talking about unrelated peers. If there are no siblings, he suggests creating a close network of cousins or of very close family friends with similar-aged children -- friends who share your values and can act as honorary "aunts and uncles" in your child's life. His suggestions are really just an extension of what other psychologists such as Mary Pipher recommend. As a psychologist myself, I see a lot of value in his point of view, and the OP asked for both pros and cons of daycare so I thought I'd offer this book as a resource.

[Anonymous]

To 10:25: You're right, the OP has to figure out what works best for her particular family. I'd just like to gently point out that many of us who are staying home for now are "using our education and skills," as you put it. We're just using them in a different environment, and for a different payoff. As a psychologist, I have the flexibility to enter and exit the workforce, and I believe my education and skills are valuable to my children and family. I don't get the external reinforcement of a paycheck and feedback from clients and students right now, but again, the payoff is different. I know you weren't being snide; I truly just wanted to note that it is possible to use one's education and skills in the home and family setting too. But sometimes I miss the validation I get from work, not to mention the income!

[Anonymous]

I just had to pipe in here and say that I think daycare is really a better alternative for kids once they reach about 2 years old...OP, I know your child is younger than that, but my son has just blossomed since going to full-time daycare instead of the nanny. There was an unhealthy attachment going on (mostly on the nanny's side, frankly) and she is still borderline-stalking my son since being let go. My son is much more adventurous, confident, and displaying more age-appropriate behavior since going to daycare.

I know there are a lot of different nanny styles and some are wonderful and some have more problems. But I think it's very difficult for a nanny who spends 40 hours a week with a child NOT to start thinking that she is the primary parent, and to develop an unhealthy attachment to the child. I think at a daycare center, there are clearer policies that are adhered to with greater regularity.

Just my two cents, but I think somewhere between 1 and 2 years of age, I'll definitely be putting future children into daycare instead of a one-on-one nanny or even a nannyshare situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 10:25: You're right, the OP has to figure out what works best for her particular family. I'd just like to gently point out that many of us who are staying home for now are "using our education and skills," as you put it. We're just using them in a different environment, and for a different payoff. As a psychologist, I have the flexibility to enter and exit the workforce, and I believe my education and skills are valuable to my children and family. I don't get the external reinforcement of a paycheck and feedback from clients and students right now, but again, the payoff is different. I know you weren't being snide; I truly just wanted to note that it is possible to use one's education and skills in the home and family setting too. But sometimes I miss the validation I get from work, not to mention the income!

I bet you're a great psychologist - and mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 10:25: You're right, the OP has to figure out what works best for her particular family. I'd just like to gently point out that many of us who are staying home for now are "using our education and skills," as you put it. We're just using them in a different environment, and for a different payoff. As a psychologist, I have the flexibility to enter and exit the workforce, and I believe my education and skills are valuable to my children and family. I don't get the external reinforcement of a paycheck and feedback from clients and students right now, but again, the payoff is different. I know you weren't being snide; I truly just wanted to note that it is possible to use one's education and skills in the home and family setting too. But sometimes I miss the validation I get from work, not to mention the income!

I bet you're a great psychologist - and mom!

Sweet! Thank you. I have my good moments and I have some bad ones too. I figure as long as I keep it all in the net positive column, I'm doing well.