My 16 year old daughter is extremely immature

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she has a great career ahead as an educator, nanny, child psychologist, or a number of professions that work with young children. Is she happy? As long as she is happy, I would support her.

[Anonymous]

Oh, actually I posted the above afree reading the first post, but after reading some of your other replies I wonder if she should get an evaluation. Could she be on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to go see a therapist. This isn’t typical teenage behavior. It’s abnormal and odd. My cousin had a daughter like this. She was 15 and still played outside regularly and would climb into her parents bed at night. My cousin didn’t seek help for her daughter, and thought it was just a phase/sweet, and now her daughter is in her late 20s, and lives at home, and does nothing all day but eat, sleep, watch tv, play with stuffed animals.

Do you know how many parents wished their teenaged kids played outside?

Why? There’s a middle ground. It doesn’t have to be playing in the playground or drinking/partying.

In my neighborhood, there’s ton of high schoolers who play outside though. The youngest kids are in preK and eldest are in 11th grade.

[Anonymous]

In some ways, she sounds a little immature and dorky (I'm dorky. Love dorks.) and like you said, in other ways, she handles a lot. I think the things she can do provide evidence that she will eventually be able to do the things she can't. I think just let her be herself while encouraging her to align more with her age wherever you can. Like how she spends her time, the content she watches, etc.

My DS11 has these sort of issues. In some ways, mature and taking on more responsibility for himself. In other ways-- playing with stuffed animals, crawling into bed with me, eating with his hands when a fork has been given to him (think pancakes). I try to encourage him to behave more age appropriate. At the same time, I think all that will come and I'll miss his innocence soon enough.

[Anonymous]

stop doing everything for her. She can do her own hair, find her own clothes, make her own snacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to go see a therapist. This isn’t typical teenage behavior. It’s abnormal and odd. My cousin had a daughter like this. She was 15 and still played outside regularly and would climb into her parents bed at night. My cousin didn’t seek help for her daughter, and thought it was just a phase/sweet, and now her daughter is in her late 20s, and lives at home, and does nothing all day but eat, sleep, watch tv, play with stuffed animals.

Do you know how many parents wished their teenaged kids played outside?

Why? There’s a middle ground. It doesn’t have to be playing in the playground or drinking/partying.

In my neighborhood, there’s ton of high schoolers who play outside though. The youngest kids are in preK and eldest are in 11th grade.

What do you mean why? I do know that there is a middle ground.

[Anonymous]

I was a lot like this. I hid my more childish interests and I did start to be a little more teenager ish by this age (interest in clothes, etc) but overall very similiar.

I was diagnosed as an adult with adhd which might make sense here. We tend to not have concurrent development - which explains why she’s mature in some ways but socially immature. I was a late bloomer and caught up in college where I did all the teenager things and dated etc.

There’s nothing you can do about it other than to work on the things that are parent issues. That would be the dependency piece. I would encourage learning to drive and a part time job as both of those will help with independence skills. You might also consider an assessment for neurodiversity as it does suck to get to adulthood and not know this about yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a lot like this. I hid my more childish interests and I did start to be a little more teenager ish by this age (interest in clothes, etc) but overall very similiar.

I was diagnosed as an adult with adhd which might make sense here. We tend to not have concurrent development - which explains why she’s mature in some ways but socially immature. I was a late bloomer and caught up in college where I did all the teenager things and dated etc.

There’s nothing you can do about it other than to work on the things that are parent issues. That would be the dependency piece. I would encourage learning to drive and a part time job as both of those will help with independence skills. You might also consider an assessment for neurodiversity as it does suck to get to adulthood and not know this about yourself

Ok I read your other posts and I do think this is a little more concerning. Maybe something psychological here. But I would refuse to do the things she wants you to do, for awhile. She won’t starve and will eventually figure out how to serve herself and do her hair but you have to stop doing it for her

[Anonymous]

So when she supervises her siblings for hours at a time, do they not eat, snack or drink? I find that hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when she supervises her siblings for hours at a time, do they not eat, snack or drink? I find that hard to believe.

+1 Can she plate their meals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're parentifying her. She's still a child, don't make her mother her siblings. Like when I run around with my kids... does that make me seem like a child who loves to play or just an overworked mom trying to entertain her kid?

All of this.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this reads as much as parentifying as it does arrested development.

Perhaps with four younger siblings in the house your daughter isn't getting as much age-appropriate attention as you think she is and she is reverting to the behaviors of the younger siblings because she perceives that they are getting the lions' share of your attention.

She plays with them and acts like them and makes the same requests of you that they do because she sees that it works for them and they seem happy and loved.

I would try making some one-on-one time with her to do some mother/daughter activities that are more appropriate to a late-teen/adult relationship.

And definitely some therapy - the fact that she does not seem to have any age appropriate friends is most definitely feeding into this. She seems to be seeking happiness in areas that are not developmentally appropriate for her age. Not wrong - just not forward moving.

[Anonymous]

I think all the replies accusing OP of parentifying the daughter are way off base. OP says she "can " trust the daughter to babysit her younger siblings, not that she does it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the replies accusing OP of parentifying the daughter are way off base. OP says she "can " trust the daughter to babysit her younger siblings, not that she does it all the time.

Agree. Parentified eldest daughters are typically EXTREMELY competent and independent, almost to a fault. I dont think that's what's happening here and think the PP above is on the right track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:stop doing everything for her. She can do her own hair, find her own clothes, make her own snacks.

+1