People who grew up middle class but then became rich, what does it feel like?

[Anonymous]

We’re flying to Australia in economy. We can afford the business tickets, but I just cannot justify it for a family of 5. I think it would have been about 15k more.

I’m also not ready for my kids to get used to business lol. I have a feeling we’re all going to be regretting it.

[Anonymous]

If you don't brag about your money, nobody knows you have money, then people don't treat you any difference.

[Anonymous]

“Wealth whispers, money jingles, jangles and screams.” -Buffie Purselle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t change our lifestyle but does give peace of mind for retirement and any emergency that could come up. Also we can afford any college for our kids.

This is us. We still do not travel first class...though we could. I still shop sales at the grocery store. How else do you menu plan???

Why would you need to shop sales to menu plan? I just make what I want to make.

Pretty sure that PP was being a bit tongue-in-cheek. But I often plan meal prep around what is on sale in the weekly Harris Teeter circular, and purposely buy what is on sale. And I could buy everything in the store if I wanted to. Why do I do this? Because I feel like it. We eat really well, we aren't wanting for anything because I buy things when they are on sale. I learned this kind of frugality from grandparents who had more money than God, but didn't waste it. Midwestern values, and all that. How I grocery shop is about values, not just access to money. It's just how I was brought up to do things.

Frugality isn't a value. It's either a necessity or a character trait.

Said the fool with new money.

You need to get out more. It most certainly is a value, especially in parts of the Midwest and New England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mostly it feels like peace of mind.

For context, we are not absurdly rich like many of the people posting are claiming to be. Our HHI right now is around 250K, down from its peak at 375K. We have a lot saved in investments relative to our age (40), but our networth - including home equity - just crossed 1M this year. We've reached Coast FIRE and are on track to retire by 55.

We live in a middle class neighborhood (100K average HHI) because that's what felt normal to us when we bought right out of grad school when our incomes were much lower. Truthfully, we were too middle class to expect our incomes to increase so significantly over time. We used our high income to get rid of student loans, build robust emergency and retirement savings, save in brokerage accounts, and create wealth which gives us a lot of peace of mind.

I used to worry a lot about every little penny I spent (I literally kept a notebook where I tracked every expenditure), and now I don't worry about things that cost less than 1K because spending that much isn't going to impact my financial life. I don't worry about emergencies because most things aren't emergencies when you have the money to fix them.

After that, the biggest change has been realizing that, for many things, I can get precisely the thing that I want. Not the cheaper alternative, or the used version. I can actually buy the furniture I like and not just pin it on pinterest. I can buy a new car instead of a used car just because I want a specific interior/exterior color combo and the upgraded version with heated leather seats. I can pay for parking. All things I could never imagine myself doing when I was younger.

I don't think people treat me differently, but I don't think people can readily tell our financial circumstances by how we live. Because we live in an actual middle class neighborhood, we don't spend extravagantly. It's just more comfortable to not stick out. Where we do splurge, it's in areas where our spending is more private. I really love fancy boutique hotels and have spent as much as 1,200/night. But I'd only share where we stayed with friends that also like and can afford luxury travel.

The one weird thing has come up recently in moving to a new nonprofit role where I took a substantial paycut. I work many people who make between 65-90K, and they regularly have talk about struggling to pay for basic/essential life expenses like housing (many are single moms), and I just have to keep quiet and listen. Our lifestyle often feels solidly middle class with the occasional splurge, but I realize from talking with my neighbors and co-workers that middle class life comes with a proximity to financial precarity that we don't experience.

Thank you for posting this PP. What I really envy about your situation is not the financial part but your confidence and comfort with your finances.

If I am understanding your post correctly, we make a bit less than you in HHI but have more assets/networth. Yet, as an example, I would never splurge as you do on a hotel night. In fact, we recently spent close to $400 a night at a hotel out of necessity and it still bothers me. Please know I am not judging you at all - just saying that I have not done the same. If anything, I envy you PP for you seem so much more comfortable with money than I am. I stress about spending and stress about the future and just stress more in general, so much so that perhaps I am doing it wrong? And maybe that is the real question here: is it the amount of your assets and financial class or is it your mindset about money that makes the difference? I really don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re flying to Australia in economy. We can afford the business tickets, but I just cannot justify it for a family of 5. I think it would have been about 15k more.

I’m also not ready for my kids to get used to business lol. I have a feeling we’re all going to be regretting it.

So if your kids are old enough to sit together without you, put them in economy and you go business. We have done that since the kids were old enough to manage (8 and 12 sitting
together)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t change our lifestyle but does give peace of mind for retirement and any emergency that could come up. Also we can afford any college for our kids.

This is us. We still do not travel first class...though we could. I still shop sales at the grocery store. How else do you menu plan???

Why would you need to shop sales to menu plan? I just make what I want to make.

Exactly! We have plenty of $$. We make what we want, buy the fruits and veggies and meats and fish that we want. Sure I've noticed my pint of Organic blueberries is 35-40% more than 2 years ago, but I still buy it because that's what we want to eat.
But menu plan once you have enough, why? Beyond menu planning to shop, but definitely not to shop the sales

This is a great idea for those of us who get very stuck on meal planning--use the sales listings as a starting point for planning. I may try this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re flying to Australia in economy. We can afford the business tickets, but I just cannot justify it for a family of 5. I think it would have been about 15k more.

I’m also not ready for my kids to get used to business lol. I have a feeling we’re all going to be regretting it.

So if your kids are old enough to sit together without you, put them in economy and you go business. We have done that since the kids were old enough to manage (8 and 12 sitting
together)

That doesn't send a very good message in my opinion. I am the PP who is traveling to Europe with adult kids and we intentionally bought economy so we could sit together. Starting the trip off separated like that just seems selfish on our part and creates the wrong tone. We will all suffer together!! We are staying in some pretty decent hotels though! That is one area I do not like to be cheap about. And I don't like AirBnB unless we are staying somewhere long term (more than just a few days).

I managed to sleep pretty solidly on my last trip to Europe in economy. Just took a Klonipin and I was out for a few hours and feeling rested upon arrival. No need for a larger seat for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re flying to Australia in economy. We can afford the business tickets, but I just cannot justify it for a family of 5. I think it would have been about 15k more.

I’m also not ready for my kids to get used to business lol. I have a feeling we’re all going to be regretting it.

So if your kids are old enough to sit together without you, put them in economy and you go business. We have done that since the kids were old enough to manage (8 and 12 sitting
together)

That doesn't send a very good message in my opinion. I am the PP who is traveling to Europe with adult kids and we intentionally bought economy so we could sit together. Starting the trip off separated like that just seems selfish on our part and creates the wrong tone. We will all suffer together!! We are staying in some pretty decent hotels though! That is one area I do not like to be cheap about. And I don't like AirBnB unless we are staying somewhere long term (more than just a few days).

I managed to sleep pretty solidly on my last trip to Europe in economy. Just took a Klonipin and I was out for a few hours and feeling rested upon arrival. No need for a larger seat for that!

I guess you you. Not sure why it sends a bad message to let teens sit in economy (or economy plus) while the parents who earned the money sit in business.

Once my kids earn their own money they can have the luxuries. I was 29 before I went to Europe...they first went at 8 and 12. I'd say they should consider themselves lucky.
And yes my teens and now 20 something's are just fine with their seats. One is on a college grad trip with friends. Everyone else is in economy (not even economy plus). My kid and one friend are in premium select. That reminds them how lucky they are. And everyone in economy has never been to Europe before (or only once if they studied abroad in college). Whereas my kid has been 8 times previously. And if they didn't appreciate it (and complained about premium select or economy plus I'd put them back in economy)

[Anonymous]

It’s been awesome! It certainly doesn’t suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re flying to Australia in economy. We can afford the business tickets, but I just cannot justify it for a family of 5. I think it would have been about 15k more.

I’m also not ready for my kids to get used to business lol. I have a feeling we’re all going to be regretting it.

So if your kids are old enough to sit together without you, put them in economy and you go business. We have done that since the kids were old enough to manage (8 and 12 sitting
together)

That doesn't send a very good message in my opinion. I am the PP who is traveling to Europe with adult kids and we intentionally bought economy so we could sit together. Starting the trip off separated like that just seems selfish on our part and creates the wrong tone. We will all suffer together!! We are staying in some pretty decent hotels though! That is one area I do not like to be cheap about. And I don't like AirBnB unless we are staying somewhere long term (more than just a few days).

I managed to sleep pretty solidly on my last trip to Europe in economy. Just took a Klonipin and I was out for a few hours and feeling rested upon arrival. No need for a larger seat for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mostly it feels like peace of mind.

For context, we are not absurdly rich like many of the people posting are claiming to be. Our HHI right now is around 250K, down from its peak at 375K. We have a lot saved in investments relative to our age (40), but our networth - including home equity - just crossed 1M this year. We've reached Coast FIRE and are on track to retire by 55.

We live in a middle class neighborhood (100K average HHI) because that's what felt normal to us when we bought right out of grad school when our incomes were much lower. Truthfully, we were too middle class to expect our incomes to increase so significantly over time. We used our high income to get rid of student loans, build robust emergency and retirement savings, save in brokerage accounts, and create wealth which gives us a lot of peace of mind.

I used to worry a lot about every little penny I spent (I literally kept a notebook where I tracked every expenditure), and now I don't worry about things that cost less than 1K because spending that much isn't going to impact my financial life. I don't worry about emergencies because most things aren't emergencies when you have the money to fix them.

After that, the biggest change has been realizing that, for many things, I can get precisely the thing that I want. Not the cheaper alternative, or the used version. I can actually buy the furniture I like and not just pin it on pinterest. I can buy a new car instead of a used car just because I want a specific interior/exterior color combo and the upgraded version with heated leather seats. I can pay for parking. All things I could never imagine myself doing when I was younger.

I don't think people treat me differently, but I don't think people can readily tell our financial circumstances by how we live. Because we live in an actual middle class neighborhood, we don't spend extravagantly. It's just more comfortable to not stick out. Where we do splurge, it's in areas where our spending is more private. I really love fancy boutique hotels and have spent as much as 1,200/night. But I'd only share where we stayed with friends that also like and can afford luxury travel.

The one weird thing has come up recently in moving to a new nonprofit role where I took a substantial paycut. I work many people who make between 65-90K, and they regularly have talk about struggling to pay for basic/essential life expenses like housing (many are single moms), and I just have to keep quiet and listen. Our lifestyle often feels solidly middle class with the occasional splurge, but I realize from talking with my neighbors and co-workers that middle class life comes with a proximity to financial precarity that we don't experience.

Thank you for posting this PP. What I really envy about your situation is not the financial part but your confidence and comfort with your finances.

If I am understanding your post correctly, we make a bit less than you in HHI but have more assets/networth. Yet, as an example, I would never splurge as you do on a hotel night. In fact, we recently spent close to $400 a night at a hotel out of necessity and it still bothers me. Please know I am not judging you at all - just saying that I have not done the same. If anything, I envy you PP for you seem so much more comfortable with money than I am. I stress about spending and stress about the future and just stress more in general, so much so that perhaps I am doing it wrong? And maybe that is the real question here: is it the amount of your assets and financial class or is it your mindset about money that makes the difference? I really don't know.

I'm the PP you're questioning.

My peace of mind about our finances (and our spending) comes from the depth and breadth of my knowledge about my family's finances and my strong understanding of personal finance.

I've tracked my spending since I was 22. I know how much money we make and how much money we spend each year. I know what our recurring monthly expenses are. I know what our recurring but irregular expenses are (things like annual insurance payments, taxes, summer camp, etc), and we save up for them monthly. We're protected against totally foreseeable emergencies, with robust life and disability insurance and a large emergency fund that can absorb job loss, and big home and car maintenance expenditures. We've saved for retirement consistently since we finished grad school at 28. Because we know how much we spend now, it's easy to estimate how much we'll spend in retirement. I've calculated how much we need to have saved up to retire. I've run compound interest calculators so I know what our portfolio can grow to even if market returns are below average, so I'm confident we're on track for retirement. I have a very clear understanding of how much money is enough for us.

One big thing that I do is seek out personal finance information that's are geared towards people who are older than me so that I can learn about what's coming for me in the future. That informs what I read and learn more about. I know years in advance how things play out and I figure out how to plan for them. In that way, I'm pretty much always learning something new about personal finance.

Because I know all these things about our money, I know how splurges fit into our big picture finances. I don't have to stress about a splurge that won't derail our financial stability now or in the future. If you are like most people, and you don't have a comprehensive overview of your money or you don't know that much about personal finance, you likely won't be able to let go of the niggling thought in the back of your head that you don't know enough to know if you're on track and can truly afford x,y,z purchase. That's just my guess.

[Anonymous]

My parents were very middle class and my mother was born in Italy. My upbringing was like sebastian maniscalco's..." they never bought us a damn thing" in other words. An eaggerating of course but basically, bare bones in everything. My husband and me have done well. From being able to decorate my house, to having higher quality things from my cookware to my healthcare, I never take it for granted. Ever. It feels great. Even just buying things like a nice winter coat, good boots, flowers, candles and books bring me great enjoyment and pleasure because my mother lived like a sacrificial nun. And so of course we did too and consequently I felt pretty deprived and sad. Now fast forward...my parents are indeed the millionaires next door, both 92 now and doing pretty great for their age. I respect their ability to build that wealth...but it happened basically because they were frightened and they were tight wads. Emotionally and financially. I forgive them but I don't want to live that way. So how does it feel? It's wonderful actually. And we're not even that rich. We save but we're not money hoarders. Generosity feels great too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have residual damage from growing up poor. Mostly manifests in waking in the night in cold sweats with anxiety attacks about losing everything and being homeless. Neither of us ever feel secure, we kept thinking…when we get to $x it will be ok…nope. Now at eight figure income and still worried.

One lighter example of our neurosis—we debated for a month over whether or not we’d get enough value out of a Disney + subscription.

This. 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have residual damage from growing up poor. Mostly manifests in waking in the night in cold sweats with anxiety attacks about losing everything and being homeless. Neither of us ever feel secure, we kept thinking…when we get to $x it will be ok…nope. Now at eight figure income and still worried.

One lighter example of our neurosis—we debated for a month over whether or not we’d get enough value out of a Disney + subscription.

Side note - what actual jobs pay 8 figure income - high finance w bonus / carry?? 2 big law rainmakers? Started a business and you take generous owner distributions?