If you wanted someone to think well of you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wear what I am most comfortable and confident in. My best fitting vintage Levi’s. White t-shirt. Lightweight jacket that I carry if warm outside and out on inside. Flats or simple, clean sneakers. Nice bag.

I have curly hair and usually pull it back in these situations so I don’t worry that I’ll fiddle with it’s unpredictability — when I’m nervous I know that I pull on the curls and tuck behind my ears for fear it’s decided to go haywire on me.

Do you live in Bushwick or Santa monica?

Live in DC, but from San Francisco

[Anonymous]

OP this thread took a turn! So what are you going to wear???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeans are too casual and read low class/unprofessional.

I always wear black slacks and nice shoes to such appointments. Depending on weather, I usually wear a blouse and blazer. I essentially dress like I would for work. I carry a nice handbag as well.

How old are you?

Jeans are fine. They just have to be the right jeans.

Gen X

Born and raised in affluent part of dc metro area

Jeans scream casual. If you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. I’ll give white or winter white jeans a pass during summer as long as paired with nice leather shoes and a blazer. And no frayed hem (obviously).

You're too young for this old lady attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meant ^*the last thing I’m evaluating is their wardrobe

*I do evaluate what comes out of their mouth

PP you quoted. I also work in this space. I meant what you meant. It wasn’t literally about slacks vs jeans - it’s if I see a parent in head to toe flashy designer who keeps stepping out for “super important” calls during the appointment while ignoring me and their kid or conversely a parent in very dirty tattered clothes and unkempt hair / hygiene it helps me paint the broader picture of the child’s environment to inform the treatment plan.

[Anonymous]

I dress like I do for work- dress (tuckernuck/boden/maje), flats, blazer. I fit in well at work and am well respected.

I always seem to strike out with teachers though. I don't think I dress formal, but I can't wear leggings and tshirts to work like they can. I've had a few make rude comments at conferences actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dress like I do for work- dress (tuckernuck/boden/maje), flats, blazer. I fit in well at work and am well respected.

I always seem to strike out with teachers though. I don't think I dress formal, but I can't wear leggings and tshirts to work like they can. I've had a few make rude comments at conferences actually.

Where do your children attend school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeans are too casual and read low class/unprofessional.

I always wear black slacks and nice shoes to such appointments. Depending on weather, I usually wear a blouse and blazer. I essentially dress like I would for work. I carry a nice handbag as well.

How old are you?

Jeans are fine. They just have to be the right jeans.

Gen X

Born and raised in affluent part of dc metro area

Jeans scream casual. If you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. I’ll give white or winter white jeans a pass during summer as long as paired with nice leather shoes and a blazer. And no frayed hem (obviously).

You're too young for this old lady attitude.

It has nothing to do with being old.

If you don’t realize that jeans are casual, then I’m not sure what to tell you.

Bottom line: if you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. Or flip flops. Or sneakers.

And you fix your hair and do your makeup.

This is all commonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeans are too casual and read low class/unprofessional.

I always wear black slacks and nice shoes to such appointments. Depending on weather, I usually wear a blouse and blazer. I essentially dress like I would for work. I carry a nice handbag as well.

Jeans are not low class, and who uses terms like slacks and handbag? My mother is literally 80 and she doesn’t talk like this. She also wears jeans (gasp).

Go read one of the countless dcum threads on what it means to be old money, upper class, polished, etc.

ICYMI: some of us were raised a certain way and use certain words. How one expresses themselves speaks volumes on many levels.

Poking fun by insinuating that I am old or uncool says more about you, pp.

Anyway, setting all this aside: if the op wants to be taken seriously, then she should dress the part. I’ve literally changed my clothes and shoes before heading to the ER. Why? Because everyone treats you differently based on your appearance. When I’m the patient advocate, I dress my best.

Nice jeans with leather flats and a blazer are fine. Tattered hem jeans and sneakers foster a power differential.

I've read many, many, many of those threads, which are risible and cringe-inducing. I do agree with you that expressing oneself well is important, which is why I know that you should use "oneself" rather than "themselves" in the bolded sentence above. I'm so embarrassed for you that you used incorrect grammar while chiding me on the importance of communicating correcty.

Look, if you like cosplaying "old money" online, go ahead, but your language belies your claims and no one is impressed by your slacks and handbag. You can stick them up your gold-plated fanny.

Let them cosplay. They gave themselves up when they associated being treated better and being taken seriously with how they dress. That told me everything I needed to know about their upbringing and social class vs what they’re saying here.

I mean, there are countless studies that back up how bias impacts healthcare (and myriad other things dependent on human interaction and service).

I’ve spent a lot of time observing others treated poorly in hospital waiting rooms, ERs, patient rooms, etc.

Because I’m bilingual (but nobody would assume that by looking at me or hearing my name), I’ve been in many situations where I’m the witness to terrible treatment. Fortunately, my day job is to advocate so I can jump in and help. And guess what? I’m always taken seriously and treated well. I think the way I dress and carry myself helps. Practically speaking, the world judges you, and power differentials exist everywhere.

Wasn’t everyone taught to put your best foot forward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeans are too casual and read low class/unprofessional.

I always wear black slacks and nice shoes to such appointments. Depending on weather, I usually wear a blouse and blazer. I essentially dress like I would for work. I carry a nice handbag as well.

How old are you?

Jeans are fine. They just have to be the right jeans.

Gen X

Born and raised in affluent part of dc metro area

Jeans scream casual. If you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. I’ll give white or winter white jeans a pass during summer as long as paired with nice leather shoes and a blazer. And no frayed hem (obviously).

You're too young for this old lady attitude.

It has nothing to do with being old.

If you don’t realize that jeans are casual, then I’m not sure what to tell you.

Bottom line: if you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. Or flip flops. Or sneakers.

And you fix your hair and do your makeup.

This is all commonsense.

The fact that you put jeans and flip flop in the same category shows you are out of touch. You can wear a skirt and look like trash. You can wear a skirt and look sharp. Same with jeans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeans are too casual and read low class/unprofessional.

I always wear black slacks and nice shoes to such appointments. Depending on weather, I usually wear a blouse and blazer. I essentially dress like I would for work. I carry a nice handbag as well.

Jeans are not low class, and who uses terms like slacks and handbag? My mother is literally 80 and she doesn’t talk like this. She also wears jeans (gasp).

Go read one of the countless dcum threads on what it means to be old money, upper class, polished, etc.

ICYMI: some of us were raised a certain way and use certain words. How one expresses themselves speaks volumes on many levels.

Poking fun by insinuating that I am old or uncool says more about you, pp.

Anyway, setting all this aside: if the op wants to be taken seriously, then she should dress the part. I’ve literally changed my clothes and shoes before heading to the ER. Why? Because everyone treats you differently based on your appearance. When I’m the patient advocate, I dress my best.

Nice jeans with leather flats and a blazer are fine. Tattered hem jeans and sneakers foster a power differential.

I've read many, many, many of those threads, which are risible and cringe-inducing. I do agree with you that expressing oneself well is important, which is why I know that you should use "oneself" rather than "themselves" in the bolded sentence above. I'm so embarrassed for you that you used incorrect grammar while chiding me on the importance of communicating correcty.

Look, if you like cosplaying "old money" online, go ahead, but your language belies your claims and no one is impressed by your slacks and handbag. You can stick them up your gold-plated fanny.

Let them cosplay. They gave themselves up when they associated being treated better and being taken seriously with how they dress. That told me everything I needed to know about their upbringing and social class vs what they’re saying here.

I mean, there are countless studies that back up how bias impacts healthcare (and myriad other things dependent on human interaction and service).

I’ve spent a lot of time observing others treated poorly in hospital waiting rooms, ERs, patient rooms, etc.

Because I’m bilingual (but nobody would assume that by looking at me or hearing my name), I’ve been in many situations where I’m the witness to terrible treatment. Fortunately, my day job is to advocate so I can jump in and help. And guess what? I’m always taken seriously and treated well. I think the way I dress and carry myself helps. Practically speaking, the world judges you, and power differentials exist everywhere.

Wasn’t everyone taught to put your best foot forward?

Where is the study that someone wearing dress pants, shoes, and blazer is treated better than nice jeans, shoes, and a blazer? There isnt any. The differences you are discussing are extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dress like I do for work- dress (tuckernuck/boden/maje), flats, blazer. I fit in well at work and am well respected.

I always seem to strike out with teachers though. I don't think I dress formal, but I can't wear leggings and tshirts to work like they can. I've had a few make rude comments at conferences actually.

My guess is it’s your or your children’s attitude, not your clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dress like I do for work- dress (tuckernuck/boden/maje), flats, blazer. I fit in well at work and am well respected.

I always seem to strike out with teachers though. I don't think I dress formal, but I can't wear leggings and tshirts to work like they can. I've had a few make rude comments at conferences actually.

About your personal appearance? That's never okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meant ^*the last thing I’m evaluating is their wardrobe

*I do evaluate what comes out of their mouth

PP you quoted. I also work in this space. I meant what you meant. It wasn’t literally about slacks vs jeans - it’s if I see a parent in head to toe flashy designer who keeps stepping out for “super important” calls during the appointment while ignoring me and their kid or conversely a parent in very dirty tattered clothes and unkempt hair / hygiene it helps me paint the broader picture of the child’s environment to inform the treatment plan.

OK so I wear head to toe designer wear. (I like Chanel shoes) My kids can wear whatever they like out of their closets. They definitely have cute clothes. My 4 year old's favorite thing is this old camp shirt. She wears it at least once a week. It was worn nonstop by both her older siblings too. Clearly it has broad appeal and is super soft from being washed 100x, but at this point it is stained. It makes her happy and it's clean, so she can wear it as much as she wants. 4 year old also doesn't let me put her hair up. She starts off the morning with it brushed and clean, but it looks ratty by the time preschool is over. She's well loved and I prioritize her feelings over looks.

I have wondered if people judge me for letting my kids wear what they want...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeans are too casual and read low class/unprofessional.

I always wear black slacks and nice shoes to such appointments. Depending on weather, I usually wear a blouse and blazer. I essentially dress like I would for work. I carry a nice handbag as well.

How old are you?

Jeans are fine. They just have to be the right jeans.

Gen X

Born and raised in affluent part of dc metro area

Jeans scream casual. If you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. I’ll give white or winter white jeans a pass during summer as long as paired with nice leather shoes and a blazer. And no frayed hem (obviously).

You're too young for this old lady attitude.

It has nothing to do with being old.

If you don’t realize that jeans are casual, then I’m not sure what to tell you.

Bottom line: if you don’t want to look too casual, then you don’t wear jeans. Or flip flops. Or sneakers.

And you fix your hair and do your makeup.

This is all commonsense.

Nice jeans can be styled to look very put together. But have fun at Talbots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dress like I do for work- dress (tuckernuck/boden/maje), flats, blazer. I fit in well at work and am well respected.

I always seem to strike out with teachers though. I don't think I dress formal, but I can't wear leggings and tshirts to work like they can. I've had a few make rude comments at conferences actually.

My guess is it’s your or your children’s attitude, not your clothes.

My kids are really sweet, so it's definitely not them. I do have RBF and am shy, but am a really nice, responsive person. I dislike when people make judgments based on appearances, and it bothered me to see teachers do this, since I believe treating everyone kindly should be part of their role.