Keeping girls in sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The options basically are:

(1) go “all in” with travel/specialization at an early age
(2) forgo all of that and just plan to join no-cut or less popular sports in middle & high school (track, cross country, wrestling, or a new sport being offered that needs players etc). Or play outside of school sports- like martial arts, rock climbing etc.
(3) play many sports at a rec level over the years & make the tail end of the high school roster…the travel kids can’t possibly take up ALL the roster spots can they?
(4) pay for a small private school where sports are (more or less) no-cut and/or move to an area with a smaller high school where it easier to make teams

Option 3 above is what a lot of parents hope for, I think. But- there will only be so many spots available. A lot of times those spots will go to kids who have certain physical attributes (like the 5’10” girl starting basketball late, or the 6’3” left handed pitcher who has only ever played rec baseball etc).

I feel like there is a lot of room between (1) and (3). You can have your kid do travel sports, for example, without going “all in” or specializing. My kids have always done a mix of low-key local-travel only “travel” leagues and rec sports, and the high school kid had no trouble making the high school team in either of his main sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids did tennis and swim since about 6 and we just consistently stuck with it year after year. They were in swim team from 10-14 and started doing tennis tournaments around 10 too. Their swim team was super relaxed and you pick the meets you want to participate in. Same with tennis- it’s individual so we got to decide when and where to do tournaments. They dropped swim in high school (hard no to early morning practice) but stuck with tennis. It’s a great sport and the most fun to watch as a parent IMO

Tennis is a great, lifelong sport, especially for women. And it's nice that you can pick and choose which tournaments to play in, and if you choose to travel, you get to pick your own hotel and are not subject to stay-and-play policies like in team sports. This makes me want to get my daughter back in tennis. She's still young.

My middle school daughter takes private tennis lessons but she’s not interested in competing at all. Same with basketball. She takes skills and drills classes but didn’t like the games at all.

I’m sure she’s not the only one who enjoys the activity but doesn’t want it to be competitive and regimented. I don’t doubt that aggressive parents have turned kids off from these type of activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our dds - 12 and 14 - do various rec sports. They are not amazing athletes, but they enjoy it, and there a range of players on their teams. People on here are quick to say there's no "middle ground" between club and rec- maybe the rec kids won't be making varsity, but rec absolutely is the middle ground IMO between playing at an intense level and not playing. The vast majority of kids are there because they want to be there, but they or their parents don't want the intensity. But many kids (and parents, as we see on this very thread) get caught up in the competitive culture we have and don't want to be in the "open for all" pool.

My niece started occasionally playing basketball in 4th grade, no summer programs, no outside practice. She played all four years in high school. First year Jr Varsity, the next three years Varsity. She is 5’10”, that helped, but you still need skill.

There are kids in rec programs that will play varsity. Talent is talent. They would be the ones whose parents like that they have an activity but aren’t going to change their schedules to go club.

Depends on the school, the sport, and the kid. There are high school players in our rec league (yes, I have a kid playing rec in high school) on varsity. We're a somewhat less in demand sport. But there are also girls who out of rec probably won't make varsity because they are at one of the big schools, or the schools where there's a huge concentration of club players vying for those varsity spots.

Though I will say - if you care about your kid getting to play a high school sport, maybe don't sign her up for U4 soccer, rec volleyball in 4th grade, or basketball. Try something with big rosters and less interest .

Also a lot of kids don’t want to play high school sports They like the no stress fun of rec games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our dds - 12 and 14 - do various rec sports. They are not amazing athletes, but they enjoy it, and there a range of players on their teams. People on here are quick to say there's no "middle ground" between club and rec- maybe the rec kids won't be making varsity, but rec absolutely is the middle ground IMO between playing at an intense level and not playing. The vast majority of kids are there because they want to be there, but they or their parents don't want the intensity. But many kids (and parents, as we see on this very thread) get caught up in the competitive culture we have and don't want to be in the "open for all" pool.

My niece started occasionally playing basketball in 4th grade, no summer programs, no outside practice. She played all four years in high school. First year Jr Varsity, the next three years Varsity. She is 5’10”, that helped, but you still need skill.

There are kids in rec programs that will play varsity. Talent is talent. They would be the ones whose parents like that they have an activity but aren’t going to change their schedules to go club.

Depends on the school, the sport, and the kid. There are high school players in our rec league (yes, I have a kid playing rec in high school) on varsity. We're a somewhat less in demand sport. But there are also girls who out of rec probably won't make varsity because they are at one of the big schools, or the schools where there's a huge concentration of club players vying for those varsity spots.

Though I will say - if you care about your kid getting to play a high school sport, maybe don't sign her up for U4 soccer, rec volleyball in 4th grade, or basketball. Try something with big rosters and less interest .

Also a lot of kids don’t want to play high school sports They like the no stress fun of rec games.

PP here. I wasn't arguing against that. But some people in these conversations act like the entire goal of their kids' childhood is to make the high school varsity team in their sport. If you care - there are options and ways. Just like it's easier in some ways to get a music degree in oboe than piano, because one instrument can only be practiced for a limited number of hours a day so the playing field is inherently more level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our dds - 12 and 14 - do various rec sports. They are not amazing athletes, but they enjoy it, and there a range of players on their teams. People on here are quick to say there's no "middle ground" between club and rec- maybe the rec kids won't be making varsity, but rec absolutely is the middle ground IMO between playing at an intense level and not playing. The vast majority of kids are there because they want to be there, but they or their parents don't want the intensity. But many kids (and parents, as we see on this very thread) get caught up in the competitive culture we have and don't want to be in the "open for all" pool.

My niece started occasionally playing basketball in 4th grade, no summer programs, no outside practice. She played all four years in high school. First year Jr Varsity, the next three years Varsity. She is 5’10”, that helped, but you still need skill.

There are kids in rec programs that will play varsity. Talent is talent. They would be the ones whose parents like that they have an activity but aren’t going to change their schedules to go club.

Depends on the school, the sport, and the kid. There are high school players in our rec league (yes, I have a kid playing rec in high school) on varsity. We're a somewhat less in demand sport. But there are also girls who out of rec probably won't make varsity because they are at one of the big schools, or the schools where there's a huge concentration of club players vying for those varsity spots.

Though I will say - if you care about your kid getting to play a high school sport, maybe don't sign her up for U4 soccer, rec volleyball in 4th grade, or basketball. Try something with big rosters and less interest .

Also a lot of kids don’t want to play high school sports They like the no stress fun of rec games.

PP here. I wasn't arguing against that. But some people in these conversations act like the entire goal of their kids' childhood is to make the high school varsity team in their sport. If you care - there are options and ways. Just like it's easier in some ways to get a music degree in oboe than piano, because one instrument can only be practiced for a limited number of hours a day so the playing field is inherently more level.

NP: I think it is also hard to predict what your kid will want, as they get older (as opposed to what you, the parent, want). For example, one of HS aged sons played a lot of sports as a kid (including some travel), loved it, but really was not all that interested in playing HS sports. This started to become clear in middle school. He played a year of JV in his main sport and then moved on to focus on other interests (music). My other son also loved sports as a kid, became very driven/motivated in his primary sport as he approached high school. Is doing well in that HS sport and wishes he’d stuck harder with a secondary sport (he cut way back on it in middle school and just played rec) he liked as well. He probably would’ve made the HS team in that sport if he had.

I think all you can do is encourage kids to try many sports during elementary school, and then follow their lead as they get a bit older. For a lot of team sports, some travel may be ultimately needed if they want to play in high school- but you can often hold off until they are approaching middle school age. They don’t necessarily need to start at age 8, just because others are. Also not all travel/club teams are equal. Some have lighter schedules and/or don’t actually “travel” very far.

I think most kids will ultimately figure out what they want to do, focus on & spend their time on. As a parent, all you can do is reevaluate every year and try to expose them to multiple sports when they are young. Eventually your kid will let you know where they want to go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids did tennis and swim since about 6 and we just consistently stuck with it year after year. They were in swim team from 10-14 and started doing tennis tournaments around 10 too. Their swim team was super relaxed and you pick the meets you want to participate in. Same with tennis- it’s individual so we got to decide when and where to do tournaments. They dropped swim in high school (hard no to early morning practice) but stuck with tennis. It’s a great sport and the most fun to watch as a parent IMO

Tennis is a great, lifelong sport, especially for women. And it's nice that you can pick and choose which tournaments to play in, and if you choose to travel, you get to pick your own hotel and are not subject to stay-and-play policies like in team sports. This makes me want to get my daughter back in tennis. She's still young.

My middle school daughter takes private tennis lessons but she’s not interested in competing at all. Same with basketball. She takes skills and drills classes but didn’t like the games at all.

I’m sure she’s not the only one who enjoys the activity but doesn’t want it to be competitive and regimented. I don’t doubt that aggressive parents have turned kids off from these type of activities.

My 10 year old daughter is similar. She enjoyed lacrosse clinics but disliked the games. Enjoys tennis lessons but no interest in doing matches. She also likes gymnastics but doesn't want to compete. I honestly hope this changes but I'm letting it go for now.

[Anonymous]

I think the most important thing is to impart a sense of athleticism for your kids... this will serve them well in their life as they will continue doing something - staying more fit and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Mediocrity is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this same question but for boys! It seems like if your kid plays soccer as a kindergartner on a mini-kicks style rec team, and has fun, and is good at it, the expectation is to have him in competitive U8 travel ball by second grade, and if you opt out of that, all that's left of the rec program by age 7 or 8 is the kids who have never played soccer before, or the kids without much athletic talent or much desire to play, since all of the moderately athletic kids who enjoy sports have moved on to a travel team. there seems to be zero middle ground between training for 6 hours a week, and kicking the ball around without a purpose with kids who don't want to be there. at age 7.

Dealing with this with my DD. The rec program is co-ed so the girls don't want us to play which leaves you to play travel which I really don't think is the best for kids so young, too much soccer year around? I just want something in between and I think MOST parents feel this way it's the craziness of just a few who ruin it for the majority.

Sign her up for baseball. I played little league until 7th grade when my Dad made me switch to softball so I would be ready for HS. Same skills, so not much adjustment. The boys playing baseball in rec were having fun and wanted to play. MS softball had more girls interested in softball, it was less forced participation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this same question but for boys! It seems like if your kid plays soccer as a kindergartner on a mini-kicks style rec team, and has fun, and is good at it, the expectation is to have him in competitive U8 travel ball by second grade, and if you opt out of that, all that's left of the rec program by age 7 or 8 is the kids who have never played soccer before, or the kids without much athletic talent or much desire to play, since all of the moderately athletic kids who enjoy sports have moved on to a travel team. there seems to be zero middle ground between training for 6 hours a week, and kicking the ball around without a purpose with kids who don't want to be there. at age 7.

Dealing with this with my DD. The rec program is co-ed so the girls don't want us to play which leaves you to play travel which I really don't think is the best for kids so young, too much soccer year around? I just want something in between and I think MOST parents feel this way it's the craziness of just a few who ruin it for the majority.

Sign her up for baseball. I played little league until 7th grade when my Dad made me switch to softball so I would be ready for HS. Same skills, so not much adjustment. The boys playing baseball in rec were having fun and wanted to play. MS softball had more girls interested in softball, it was less forced participation.

Mom of softball players here. Many of our best players came from baseball first. However it is tough to learn to pitch if you start that skill much later than 9-10. Doable, but tough.

[Anonymous]

When young, I exposed my DD to different sports - she played soccer, did rec gymnastics, swim team (a fun one that wasn’t super competitive) and she decided at a certain point what she wanted to focus on.

She continued that sport competitively for 5 years, and then in middle school changed sports. Continued it in club and HS.

It was all a great experience for her and helped shape the amazing young woman (in college now) she is today.

[Anonymous]

When your kid is running like this at 4-5 yrs old, you know she's got some innate talent. She's now thriving at the highest soccer level for U13 without us pushing her at all. Our job basically is to not f' it up.

https://imgur.com/JxjMfgz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your kid is running like this at 4-5 yrs old, you know she's got some innate talent. She's now thriving at the highest soccer level for U13 without us pushing her at all. Our job basically is to not f' it up.

https://imgur.com/JxjMfgz

why you sending pics of your kids here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have this same question but for boys! It seems like if your kid plays soccer as a kindergartner on a mini-kicks style rec team, and has fun, and is good at it, the expectation is to have him in competitive U8 travel ball by second grade, and if you opt out of that, all that's left of the rec program by age 7 or 8 is the kids who have never played soccer before, or the kids without much athletic talent or much desire to play, since all of the moderately athletic kids who enjoy sports have moved on to a travel team. there seems to be zero middle ground between training for 6 hours a week, and kicking the ball around without a purpose with kids who don't want to be there. at age 7.

I think this is unfortunately true, although we didn't really see that hit until 4th grade (age 9-10). My son had zero interest in competitive club or travel soccer, he only wanted to play to be on a team with his friends. We let him take a year off sports, bought some passes to the ninja and boulder gyms that he was interested in, but he wasn't motivated to keep going after a season. This spring I signed him up for a youth running club with a friend, which is basically a subdivision of the biggest local adult running club, and he's loving it because it's chill enough to socialize. Keep looking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your kid is running like this at 4-5 yrs old, you know she's got some innate talent. She's now thriving at the highest soccer level for U13 without us pushing her at all. Our job basically is to not f' it up.

https://imgur.com/JxjMfgz

why you sending pics of your kids here?

It's from 7 years ago and I'm not from "here" so yeah not too worried.