Going by a different name in the workplace? (prying co-workers)

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think you have anything to worry about. I am guessing you were in your 20s, maaaybe early 30s as were your co-workers at the time. You're older now, and they will largely ignore you.

[Anonymous]

OP what kind of job is it? Do you actually have a "former career" that your restart would build on? In your name? If so you are throwing your entire career path away.
Or do you have a job where there is no professional reputation to build? Burger flipper,,retail, or what????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the life of an introvert, OP. We’re forced to pretend to be someone we’re not in order to avoid judgment and make the people around us feel comfortable. Society is not built for reserved individuals whatsoever.

This is not introversion - it’s unmanaged social anxiety and paranoia.

[Anonymous]

Not all work places are gossipy. At my law firm people are close with those they become friends with, but not gossipy unless someone needs support or it's good news, like someone's baby was born. My social media is locked down - you'd need to send me a request and have it approved to see anything I post.

We have a William who goes by Liam, a Sumatran who goes by Sam, Charles who goes by by Chip, Alexis who goes by Lexi, etc. Some married women use their maiden names at work if that's the last name they had when graduating law school.

Why not just make your social media private? Making friends at work is not only something that makes the workday more pleasant, but can be helpful. When you have an emergency in your personal life and can tell a work friend, they will take some of your workload, ask after your relative, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all work places are gossipy. At my law firm people are close with those they become friends with, but not gossipy unless someone needs support or it's good news, like someone's baby was born. My social media is locked down - you'd need to send me a request and have it approved to see anything I post.

We have a William who goes by Liam, a Sumatran who goes by Sam, Charles who goes by by Chip, Alexis who goes by Lexi, etc. Some married women use their maiden names at work if that's the last name they had when graduating law school.

Why not just make your social media private? Making friends at work is not only something that makes the workday more pleasant, but can be helpful. When you have an emergency in your personal life and can tell a work friend, they will take some of your workload, ask after your relative, etc.

Sam's name is Samantha. Not sure how Sumatran came up.

[Anonymous]

Is this post a joke? A different first name or a different last name? What do you think this will accomplish? As others have mentioned, change or eliminate your social media presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the life of an introvert, OP. We’re forced to pretend to be someone we’re not in order to avoid judgment and make the people around us feel comfortable. Society is not built for reserved individuals whatsoever.

Sorry this is BS. I'm as introverted as possible and you know what I don't have? A facebook account, much less a public one people can find via search and request to be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who say it would be hard to do. A lot of work places will only use your legal name on documents and email. So, even if you can change your email, your bosses/HR/etc. will know your real name. And, if people figure it out you will now have provided them not only with your first and last name but your middle name as well if they want to do any digging.

Yup, this. My DH goes by his middle name (has his whole life), and his work email was auto set up with his legal first name. He could not have this changed. So plenty of people at work were calling him by a first name he’s never gone by based on his email address, etc

So your plan likely won’t work. It’s also pretty juvenile and anti-social.

[Anonymous]

An easier thing to do would be to lock down your social media so your accounts don’t show up on a Google search and so your accounts are private/don’t show posts to people who aren’t your friend. Or go by a nickname/first and middle name on FB.

But you sound kind of paranoid. If you’re a little older (I’m assuming late 30s+?) returning to work now, people are largely just going to ignore you. Not try to start mid-20s first job drama.

[Anonymous]

Oh and have a separate personal email address that you use on job application/job related stuff that’s not linked to any of your personal social media, just your LinkedIn page if you have one. That way HR won’t have your personal email address to try to find your accounts.

[Anonymous]

Or, get a new job.

[Anonymous]

You just need to learn the art of the boring answers and get some earbuds. If you can get your work email to use your middle name, I think you will be fine though. If they don't allow that, you will be forever having confused people who want to know why you don't like your first name and inviting more prying.

[Anonymous]

I think you can choose whatever part of your legal name you like. I know at least five co-workers who go by their middle name for whatever reason. I also know people who use their given first name at work but their middle name in their family, due to being named after a parent.

I question whether using a middle name will stop people from finding you online. There is so much info online that middle names are easily searchable.

[Anonymous]

I have a woman works for me who is very private.

She uses her maiden name, never shared husbands name or where he works, home address, zero social media and literally if you ask a personal question she does this long long awkward stare at you abd wont respond.

I try to avoid any personal questions. I slip sometimes, for instance she put in a week vacation in June and I said going anywhere fun? God her evil eye killed me. Even a how was your weekend is too much.

I don’t see the point, I could care less. That said I don’t want to know your kid is into Cosplay, your brothers in jail, you have a bad marriage, you worship satan or have 20 cats at home stuff. But you could at an answer a question, for instance my CEO asked how was Father’s Day, I said was great my kids were home from college and went to Clyde’s in Chevy Chase. She went sounds fun we had a BBQ and I went to a bakery and got my husbands favorite cake and him and kids in our pool.

She would just be spitting fire. In fact age was there and said excuse me have to get something my desk. Even to CEO she not sharing a detail.

So be careful don’t go her route but don’t overshare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your personal life off line. That should be easy enough.

This. Minimize (or eliminate)!social media and lock it down so random people cannot find you.

Don't have Amazon wish lists or baby registries online anywhere.

Google yourself to find where you are visible and then close those accounts or restrict others from seeing them.