Name regret and changing a child’s name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not trying to be rude here, but how do people find themselves in this situation? If you had a routine healthy pregnancy and found out that you were pregnant at the typical time, then you had many months to choose a name. You didn’t start feeling like this name wasn’t so great in all of those months?

Hormones sometimes make people crazy. My friend, while pregnant, was considering naming her daughter Sylvia. SYLVIA. She is normally a reasonable person. Thank god we all rallied when the baby was born and kept her from filling out the birth certificate until she came to her senses and realized what an awful thing it would be to name a baby in 2023 Sylvia, and decided on a much more reasonable name.

I know multiple girls who go by Sylvie who are under age 8 or so. What a weird thing to protest. It's a classic name.

So is Myrtle but some names just don’t age well. It’s something to do with the V sound that makes in unattractive.

And yet Olivia is a very popular name.

And Ava, and Evelyn, all three in the top 10 girls names. Sylvia is a beautiful name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t regret any of my kids’ names, but my 12 year old has asked me multiple times over the last few months to change her name from Nicole to Scarlett. I have no idea where Scarlett came from (I have a suspicion that it has something to do with her favorite color being red), but it’s “the prettiest name ever” according to her. We’re going to see if this feeling passes because I think a lot of kids dislike their name at some point. I know I did.

It’s probably just a phase that won’t last. I used to tell my mom that I was going to change my first name as soon as I turned 18. Did I actually change my name? No. I’m in my 30s and haven’t. I still feel bad for ever saying that I was going to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not trying to be rude here, but how do people find themselves in this situation? If you had a routine healthy pregnancy and found out that you were pregnant at the typical time, then you had many months to choose a name. You didn’t start feeling like this name wasn’t so great in all of those months?

I’m wondering this too. Is it because you chose a trendy name? Caved to the spouse? I don’t get it. I’ve never felt this even for an instant. But we chose very classic names. I only have two kids, but even if I had needed to name 10 kids I had a list a mile long of classic names I would have been happy to name my child. My kids are teenagers now and I still love not only their names, but all the other names we considered using back then.

I can only speak for myself because I don’t know the OP’s situation. My husband was set on a really awful, trendy preppy name for our son (Brooks) and wouldn’t consider anything else. He told his parents that this was going to be our son’s name before it was even agreed upon. I was heavily pregnant and didn’t feel like debating him over it so just gave in.

That’s where my baby name regret stems from.

Somewhat similar situation. I don't hate the name but the process of choosing it was incredibly frustrating, with my husband just deciding independently that it was the baby's name and nothing I said could convince him to consider another name. I had a difficult pregnancy and no other support at the time, and I just didn't have anymore fight in me.

The name suits our child and is not a terrible name (which is why I won't say what it is) but I just didn't feel like I was able to participate in choosing my own child's name. It's the process that makes me feel regret, more than the name itself.

People freak out at the slightest suggestion that a woman wants even a little more say in choosing a baby’s first name, but it seems like completely controlling the entire naming process is a common theme with husbands and nobody bats an eyelid, wow. Moms are expected to compromise, but dads are allowed to completely ignore the other parent’s wishes. I would be furious. Hugs!

Um, what? These are the first times I'm hearing of husbands bullying their wives into names EXCEPT for the one person I know whose child is a 5th. And honestly, she probably should have known going in that if she had a male child, he'd have to be a 5th.

DP but if you frequent naming subs on Reddit, a fairly common story is the husband who won't consider any names and is only willing to consider one or two specific names. Sometimes those names are okay and the wife is just frustrated he won't be more open minded (as in the above), other times the wife hates the names and is super frustrated.

I also think there's a weird psychology at work in these situations where what is really going on is that the wife is excited about having a baby and the man is terrified but not acknowledging it. So she's like "wow I finally get to name a baby, how exciting, here's a million possible names for the million possible people our baby could be!" And the man shuts down due to fear and anxiety and rejecting these names, or being very limited about names, is his way of exerting control over the situation rather than just admitting that he is freaking out a little bit about being a dad.

Total armchair projection but I do think that's what it was for my DH, who just became weird and non communicative and hard to deal with during my pregnancy. He kept wanting to avoid the name conversation altogether and would put off stuff like putting together the crib or taking a birthing class. And it's not like I dragged him into it -- I'd say I was more ambivalent about parenthood than he was for a while and that he was more definite about "I want to be a dad" and seemed more excited even than I was when we found out I was pregnant. But then reality set in and he got very rigid and challenging for the rest of my pregnancy. It was really difficult and the name was a flashpoint in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not trying to be rude here, but how do people find themselves in this situation? If you had a routine healthy pregnancy and found out that you were pregnant at the typical time, then you had many months to choose a name. You didn’t start feeling like this name wasn’t so great in all of those months?

I’m wondering this too. Is it because you chose a trendy name? Caved to the spouse? I don’t get it. I’ve never felt this even for an instant. But we chose very classic names. I only have two kids, but even if I had needed to name 10 kids I had a list a mile long of classic names I would have been happy to name my child. My kids are teenagers now and I still love not only their names, but all the other names we considered using back then.

I can only speak for myself because I don’t know the OP’s situation. My husband was set on a really awful, trendy preppy name for our son (Brooks) and wouldn’t consider anything else. He told his parents that this was going to be our son’s name before it was even agreed upon. I was heavily pregnant and didn’t feel like debating him over it so just gave in.

That’s where my baby name regret stems from.

Somewhat similar situation. I don't hate the name but the process of choosing it was incredibly frustrating, with my husband just deciding independently that it was the baby's name and nothing I said could convince him to consider another name. I had a difficult pregnancy and no other support at the time, and I just didn't have anymore fight in me.

The name suits our child and is not a terrible name (which is why I won't say what it is) but I just didn't feel like I was able to participate in choosing my own child's name. It's the process that makes me feel regret, more than the name itself.

People freak out at the slightest suggestion that a woman wants even a little more say in choosing a baby’s first name, but it seems like completely controlling the entire naming process is a common theme with husbands and nobody bats an eyelid, wow. Moms are expected to compromise, but dads are allowed to completely ignore the other parent’s wishes. I would be furious. Hugs!

Um, what? These are the first times I'm hearing of husbands bullying their wives into names EXCEPT for the one person I know whose child is a 5th. And honestly, she probably should have known going in that if she had a male child, he'd have to be a 5th.

It’s a very common occurrence (especially when it comes to naming sons).