Is it weird that I don’t fear getting old at all and I’m actually kind of looking forward to it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - - I do not think it is weird at all…..when my own kids were younger ➕ were living at home I used to feel the same way.

I looked forward to a time when I didn’t have the responsibilities associated with kids.
I.e., school/activity drop-offs ➕ pick-ups, doing their laundry, picking up after them, dealing with the noise & chaos of not only them but their friends at times too, etc.

They are now grown + I do love having a clean and orderly, quiet home.
I enjoy not having to take care of anyone (financially/physically/emotionally) but myself.

However there are many moments where I look back on the days when my kids were still at home and yearn for those moments.

So it is a toss up.
I have to constantly remind myself that this is the life I deserve now after sacrificing so much in the past.
Hopefully soon I can believe it❣️👍🏽

Which shows that no one really is ever 1000000% satisfied with the status quo.

Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think you're ignorant about what getting old means. My dad is pushing 80 and overall in good health yet last week he took his girlfriend for cataract surgery, got bloodwork, went to see two different doctors and got a stress test. He was fitting in socializing around that. But overall his week was dominated with medical stuff. And that's someone who's HEALTHY.

doctors appointments are simply a part of life when you are older. And yeah, they are much more frequent. But honestly reading your post it sounds like your father is doing pretty well for his age. Some people can’t even walk without help at that age. Your dad has a girlfriend. Think about that.

I don’t understand your comment about my father’s girlfriend?

You are clearly doing ok if you have the energy to have a girlfriend is the point. My father can barely walk and can’t drive anymore. Your father has the energy to sustain a relationship and transport both himself and his girlfriend to appointments and you mentioned socializing. A lot of people at that age can’t do any of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

[Anonymous]

You are assuming that you will have all your faculties to do these things. Plus money...may or may not be an issue. But a lot of people hit 60, have serious health problems, bounce back a little, then have another and it's into a steady decline after that.

I would encourage you to enjoy your life now, not waiting for some possible future that maybe extremely different from what you are envisioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

Why on Earth are you funding your adult children's lifestyle? That's...a choice.

[Anonymous]

ha ha me too! I love the idea that an old woman is like the most fearful thing in all horror movies. It makes me feel so powerful. I love having money and wisdom. I like this Atlantic article about the secret power of menopause https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/10/the-secret-power-of-menopause/596662/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

Why on Earth are you funding your adult children's lifestyle? That's...a choice.

They are both college kids.

[Anonymous]

At 56, I'm mostly there. Yes, there is some feeling of responsibility for kids still in college (my younger is a junior) vs. the one fully launched (new grad is out 100% on his own and doing great). But, that doesn't impact day to day life.

I still work full time but mostly WAH. DH (62) is retired so handles most shopping/errands, shares cooking (I like to cook so prefer that he not do all of it).

I go to an exercise class with a lot of other older women 3-4x evenings a week, have a standing coffee date with a group of friends on the weekend, regular walking dates with a couple others, volunteer regularly with a couple organizations.

Life is generally relaxed and enjoyable. My focus is on experimenting with different activities as a I look ahead to retiring at 60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

And it’s simply not your husband’s problem that your in-laws didn’t plan for their own lives. Our lives our are own and nobody’s responsibility but ourselves. That’s what it means to be an adult. When my Father asks me for money (which he does fairly regularly-because he also didn’t plan for well, anything) I simply say that my children are my responsibility and that is who I need to save money for. That’s it. Parents are responsible for children until they are on their own. Then there isn’t a switch where a child then becomes responsible for the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

And it’s simply not your husband’s problem that your in-laws didn’t plan for their own lives. Our lives our are own and nobody’s responsibility but ourselves. That’s what it means to be an adult. When my Father asks me for money (which he does fairly regularly-because he also didn’t plan for well, anything) I simply say that my children are my responsibility and that is who I need to save money for. That’s it. Parents are responsible for children until they are on their own. Then there isn’t a switch where a child then becomes responsible for the parent.

You say that now, and I don't even disagree about how it *should* be, but realistically things pan out differently. We went through it with dh's great grandparents: They would have starved (literally) if we did not start getting them groceries on Instacart (they paid with EBT but could not figure out how). Then dh had to coordinate all the end of life care after a fall for his grandma and dementia for his grandpa. None of this cost money other than actually flying to help out sporadically. There is much more to eldercare than just money that can make life full of worry and stressful.

[Anonymous]

My kids were working junior year and senior through college and fully funding themselves. Some people have different values *shrugs*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

And it’s simply not your husband’s problem that your in-laws didn’t plan for their own lives. Our lives our are own and nobody’s responsibility but ourselves. That’s what it means to be an adult. When my Father asks me for money (which he does fairly regularly-because he also didn’t plan for well, anything) I simply say that my children are my responsibility and that is who I need to save money for. That’s it. Parents are responsible for children until they are on their own. Then there isn’t a switch where a child then becomes responsible for the parent.

You say that now, and I don't even disagree about how it *should* be, but realistically things pan out differently. We went through it with dh's great grandparents: They would have starved (literally) if we did not start getting them groceries on Instacart (they paid with EBT but could not figure out how). Then dh had to coordinate all the end of life care after a fall for his grandma and dementia for his grandpa. None of this cost money other than actually flying to help out sporadically. There is much more to eldercare than just money that can make life full of worry and stressful.

flights are expensive-especially last minute ones which most emergency family ones tend to be. They can run upwards of $1k per seat. So don’t downplay that financial cost. Also you are saying this was for your husbands grandparents? Where were his parents during all this!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids were working junior year and senior through college and fully funding themselves. Some people have different values *shrugs*

Good! It’s the ones who are 100% financially taken care of that come out of college totally unprepared to be on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

And it’s simply not your husband’s problem that your in-laws didn’t plan for their own lives. Our lives our are own and nobody’s responsibility but ourselves. That’s what it means to be an adult. When my Father asks me for money (which he does fairly regularly-because he also didn’t plan for well, anything) I simply say that my children are my responsibility and that is who I need to save money for. That’s it. Parents are responsible for children until they are on their own. Then there isn’t a switch where a child then becomes responsible for the parent.

You say that now, and I don't even disagree about how it *should* be, but realistically things pan out differently. We went through it with dh's great grandparents: They would have starved (literally) if we did not start getting them groceries on Instacart (they paid with EBT but could not figure out how). Then dh had to coordinate all the end of life care after a fall for his grandma and dementia for his grandpa. None of this cost money other than actually flying to help out sporadically. There is much more to eldercare than just money that can make life full of worry and stressful.

flights are expensive-especially last minute ones which most emergency family ones tend to be. They can run upwards of $1k per seat. So don’t downplay that financial cost. Also you are saying this was for your husbands grandparents? Where were his parents during all this!?

Yes, his grandparents. Also far, and fil helped some but could not figure out a lot of it. He did handle the actual funeral arrangements.