S/O victim-blaming - why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are so desperate to be seen as victims. Our culture is obsessed with performative victimhood. Many so called victims are not. I reserve my sympathy for the real victims, not people who are simply desperate for attention or regret their bad decisions.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen anyone attacking Epstein victims? Other than the other men of course, I'm not sure that those other men are blameless or victims of him.

Refusing to hold the men (and women) who committed these crimes accountable is linked to victim blaming. There is an attitude of "oh well, this is what powerful people do, what do you expect?" Epsteins victims are literally just walking around trying to get anyone to care or do something about what this man, and the many people who helped and collaborated with him, did. And people look right through them. Like they aren't there, like this didn't happen. It did, everyday we learn more and more about how much it happened. And yet so many people still act as though the victims are irrelevant or inconsequential. It's sick.

I am an SA survivor and I've seen this firsthand. The first thing many people do when you tell them that a person they know SA'd you is look for an explanation to exonerate that person. People will do this even if they have known you, the survivor, for a long time. They seem to justify before they even contemplate expressing empathy for your experience. The assumption is that you must be mistaken. I've experienced this enough times that I no longer talk about my experiences with SA in any setting other than one designed for SA survivors. It's not worth it. I am tired of fighting through this instinctual reflex to protect the perpetrator.

I've seen people do this even when they KNOW it's the truth. Power corrupts people. Not just the person in power. Everyone around them.

I've been told that people mostly make decisions based on emotion and then justify their decisions to match their emotion. I think that's what's happening when people do report SA and the perpetrator is someone they know and respect. Their actions are all about making themselves and their decisions make sense to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so desperate to be seen as victims. Our culture is obsessed with performative victimhood. Many so called victims are not. I reserve my sympathy for the real victims, not people who are simply desperate for attention or regret their bad decisions.

+1

Upon what are you basing this assessment?

Is a person, or group of people, sharing an experience of loss or trauma “desperate to be seen as victims” to you? What about that bothers you so much? What would you prefer? And how does it have any bearing on you?

Genuinely curious to know more about this perspective.

[Anonymous]

I mean as a young woman I was sexual assaulted in DC on the regular.

[Anonymous]

If there have to be victims, let them be the people that tend towards blaming them with lectures on what they should have done in that situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean as a young woman I was sexual assaulted in DC on the regular.

I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there have to be victims, let them be the people that tend towards blaming them with lectures on what they should have done in that situation

If only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so desperate to be seen as victims. Our culture is obsessed with performative victimhood. Many so called victims are not. I reserve my sympathy for the real victims, not people who are simply desperate for attention or regret their bad decisions.

+1

Upon what are you basing this assessment?

Is a person, or group of people, sharing an experience of loss or trauma “desperate to be seen as victims” to you? What about that bothers you so much? What would you prefer? And how does it have any bearing on you?

Genuinely curious to know more about this perspective.

Yes it's funny how the people who accuse others of "playing the victim" are apparently being victimized by someone merely sharing their story.