Surviving the holidays: hacks and confessions

[Anonymous]

The hack to a wonderful Christmas is the belief that you are as worthy of joy and peace as anybody else in your story. If you have young – – very young – – children, they are your responsibility. Not grandparents, not siblings, not aunts. I stopped hosting people who don’t add to the joy of the day years ago and we have wonderful holidays full of the food and drink we like and the music we like and most importantly 18-20 people who all genuinely want to see and spend time together! So much holiday misery boils down to assigning your own happiness a lesser value.

[Anonymous]

Haha, OP I like these. We don't spend the holidays with extended family so I don't have to do this, but I will remember this the next time my ILs are in town and need a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes clueless people needed to be treated like clueless people. Every year my BIL does something super annoying.
--One year he brought a years worth of junk mail to go through and filled all my trashcans. No problem, I just asked him to help me empty them.
--Last year he brought bunch of expired snack foods to our house. Like 200 pieces. I told him just to leave in his car, unless he had some moon pies, which he didn't.
--This year he brought all his laundry. He is 68 years old married to my sister not some young bachelor. I told him, only laundry in the afternoon with so many showers in the morning taxing our smallish hot water heater. He complied. Clueless.

Why didn’t you have him recycle the junk mail?

Yes, we put it in the recycle bin.

But you said he “filled all my trash cans.” Why didn’t you recycle them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your little nips, tucks and shortcuts—white lies and lies of omission—that get you through hosting family, or visiting family?

1) Garage drinks: I have a bottle of Baileys and a bottle of sangria that I keep in the garage. Here and there, I’m filling up my “water cup” with this or that.

2) I have so many small errands to run! Just kidding, I’m fully prepared, but I’ll drive around and look at lights by myself or listen to an audiobook in my car for awhile.

3) The day after Christmas, I’m “visiting a friend from out of town who is staying in Columbia.” Just kidding, I’m going to a spa in Columbia for a three-hour treatment.

I don’t see the need to lie and 2 and 3. The first is the behavior of an alcoholic.

FFS. I'm not the OP, but it's Bailey's, not pure grain alcohol. I don't even think you can get drunk on it unless you're 16 and weigh 90 lbs

Baileys is great in coffee and hot toddy’s!😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The hack to a wonderful Christmas is the belief that you are as worthy of joy and peace as anybody else in your story. If you have young – – very young – – children, they are your responsibility. Not grandparents, not siblings, not aunts. I stopped hosting people who don’t add to the joy of the day years ago and we have wonderful holidays full of the food and drink we like and the music we like and most importantly 18-20 people who all genuinely want to see and spend time together! So much holiday misery boils down to assigning your own happiness a lesser value.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hack to a wonderful Christmas is the belief that you are as worthy of joy and peace as anybody else in your story. If you have young – – very young – – children, they are your responsibility. Not grandparents, not siblings, not aunts. I stopped hosting people who don’t add to the joy of the day years ago and we have wonderful holidays full of the food and drink we like and the music we like and most importantly 18-20 people who all genuinely want to see and spend time together! So much holiday misery boils down to assigning your own happiness a lesser value.

+1

+2. This is so well said.

[Anonymous]

I've learned to draw boundaries and enforce them especially with my sister-in-law. I get it that no one wants to hang out at home with old people over the holidays. But she and her family now make plans to travel over Christmas time with other families and expect me and my husband to entertain their parents - which is fine. We don't mind at all. But then she wants to come over to our house with her entire family over the weekend immediately after Christmas (when she is back) to "celebrate" with us expecting us to host all over again. I flat out said, "No, you don't get two Christmases. Sorry." We comprised to meet in two weeks for a new year's thing.

[Anonymous]

This is a weird Christmas for me. Didn't decorate the way I usually do, forgot some ornaments like the jingle bell wreath on the back gate. Unmotivated to make dinner tomorrow.
It's just DH and I. He is Jewish. We did Hanukah presents for him as always.
I won't get a gift. He stopped about 12 years ago. I can buy anything I want but I miss gifts. My family are all dead, for years, and I miss surprises on Christmas morning. He says it's silly get what I want. (To be honest, he is appreciative of his gifts but not excited. Some nights he forgets to open ine until I remind him. It might be more for me...buying gifts...than for him.)
I give to charity. Sent cards. Got a few.
Just sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes clueless people needed to be treated like clueless people. Every year my BIL does something super annoying.
--One year he brought a years worth of junk mail to go through and filled all my trashcans. No problem, I just asked him to help me empty them.
--Last year he brought bunch of expired snack foods to our house. Like 200 pieces. I told him just to leave in his car, unless he had some moon pies, which he didn't.
--This year he brought all his laundry. He is 68 years old married to my sister not some young bachelor. I told him, only laundry in the afternoon with so many showers in the morning taxing our smallish hot water heater. He complied. Clueless.

lol. I am kind of fascinated by this guy that brings these chores with him.

Last night during dinner (my 2nd of four huge family dinners I'm hosting), I noticed an old beat up suitcase in our dining room--I asked him why that was there. He said it was full of gifts that needed wrapping. It sat there all night. But I'll give him credit, I left wrapping paper and tape out, and he's wrapping away this morning at 8am.

I’ll be honest: I like your BIL. He plans his time, identifies what chores and tasks he has let slide, and preps so he can take advantage of time off to get things done. Respect to him. He could definitely have worse habits and eccentricities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The hack to a wonderful Christmas is the belief that you are as worthy of joy and peace as anybody else in your story. If you have young – – very young – – children, they are your responsibility. Not grandparents, not siblings, not aunts. I stopped hosting people who don’t add to the joy of the day years ago and we have wonderful holidays full of the food and drink we like and the music we like and most importantly 18-20 people who all genuinely want to see and spend time together! So much holiday misery boils down to assigning your own happiness a lesser value.

It's lovely you have 18-20 people like that!

I only have DH. He is wonderful. His family and friends aren't local but he does have them. I did not keep up friendships well, some died, family died. I feel lonely but realize I don't even keep track of neighbor names since the ones who had been friends all moved to bigger houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've learned to draw boundaries and enforce them especially with my sister-in-law. I get it that no one wants to hang out at home with old people over the holidays. But she and her family now make plans to travel over Christmas time with other families and expect me and my husband to entertain their parents - which is fine. We don't mind at all. But then she wants to come over to our house with her entire family over the weekend immediately after Christmas (when she is back) to "celebrate" with us expecting us to host all over again. I flat out said, "No, you don't get two Christmases. Sorry." We comprised to meet in two weeks for a new year's thing.

I understand completely. Believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hack to a wonderful Christmas is the belief that you are as worthy of joy and peace as anybody else in your story. If you have young – – very young – – children, they are your responsibility. Not grandparents, not siblings, not aunts. I stopped hosting people who don’t add to the joy of the day years ago and we have wonderful holidays full of the food and drink we like and the music we like and most importantly 18-20 people who all genuinely want to see and spend time together! So much holiday misery boils down to assigning your own happiness a lesser value.

It's lovely you have 18-20 people like that!

I only have DH. He is wonderful. His family and friends aren't local but he does have them. I did not keep up friendships well, some died, family died. I feel lonely but realize I don't even keep track of neighbor names since the ones who had been friends all moved to bigger houses.

The 18-20 are curated from a much larger and candidly needier family/friend universe.

I will add, though, that we have in that number ‘chosen family’ that includes singles and couples without local family who add hugely to the joy of the day. Do you have any “couple” friends who host large gatherings/who you would genuinely love to spend a day with? They might love to extend an invitation to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simplified -
1) Gifts.
- Just a secret Santa with the extended family. Price limit.
- Money to kids
- DH and I buy our own gifts.
2) No cards.
- Send a return card to those who send us cards.
- Or not.
3) Take out food
4) No Christmas Lights. We have put lovely outdoor lights for year round happiness. Lights out at 11 pm.
5) No tree.
6) No jockeying to host. Adult kids ILs want them at their place or take them on a cruise. Go for it. No competition from our side.

Wow, no tree? What a bummer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your little nips, tucks and shortcuts—white lies and lies of omission—that get you through hosting family, or visiting family?

1) Garage drinks: I have a bottle of Baileys and a bottle of sangria that I keep in the garage. Here and there, I’m filling up my “water cup” with this or that.
GROSS
2) I have so many small errands to run! Just kidding, I’m fully prepared, but I’ll drive around and look at lights by myself or listen to an audiobook in my car for awhile.

3) The day after Christmas, I’m “visiting a friend from out of town who is staying in Columbia.” Just kidding, I’m going to a spa in Columbia for a three-hour treatment.

[Anonymous]

"So much holiday misery boils down to assigning your own happiness a lesser value."

Great line.