barrage of communications from MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother-in-law left a Pyrex dish at my house on Thanksgiving that I need to get back to her. She left a voice mail the other day reminding me to bring it to an upcoming family party, then immediately sent me a text directing me to check my voice mail because I hadn't answered the phone. I didn't respond because I was busy and, frankly, she frequently does this--barraging me with calls and texts (she already knows DH often doesn't respond to calls and texts and he's not going to be at the party because he'll be traveling). Later in the evening, while DH and I were at a Chanukah gathering, she called me several times, which I ignored.

This morning, she called again to ask me if I'd gotten her message about the Pyrex dish, then asked me to please keep my text notifications on. I told her I keep them off because I don't want to be disturbed, but I assured her I'd gotten her message and would bring the dish to the party

DH and I have had several discussions about her frantic and incessant communications and largely agree, but this time he told me I brought this on myself by not simply responding to her initial call/text. I prefer to keep boundaries and not jump like a trained seal the minute I hear from her (or anyone). AITA?

It sounds like you're being deliberately passive aggressive with her, which is only resulting in her making more attempts to be assured you got her message. A simple acknowledgement of the first text could have avoided this drama and your annoyance. But you seem so invested in establishing "boundaries" that you forgot to just be a decent person. I wouldn't go so far as to say you're the glass bowl, but you do seem to enjoy the drama. Maybe ask a therapist what that's about.

[Anonymous]

Buy her a new one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

In a world where we treat each other decently. There's also a difference between "immediately" and "timely." It sounds like OP deliberately ignored her MIL's perfectly reasonable request for an extended period of time.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly an expecting different results. She's complaining this is common behavior for MIL, when she hasn't tried the obvious, which is just to acknowledge the first communication. Instead, she ignored MIL for an extended period of time, which caused the escalation/spiraling. It's almost like OP wanted that to happen so she'd have something to complain about.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get all of these people who proclaim they’re too busy to respond to simple texts in a timely manner. Especially to someone they know can harp on things. OP was being just as passive aggressive as the MIL was being a nag about it. It would have taken two seconds to respond “Will do” and leave it at that.

I also don’t get all of the people who immediately proclaim dementia just because someone is over a certain age. The MIL may be annoying but this is not a sign of dementia. She is probably tired of OP’s rudeness and was needling her for a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is anxious/OCD and just cant stomach an incomplete task. You are basically torturing her (even though it’s nonsense).
It all boils down to whether you want to be kind or cruel

I was going to say she’s anxious. Sure, it is annoying for you, but ultimately, her annoying behaviour is driven by her anxiety.
If you are purposely taking longer to respond to MiL than to others, then YTA.
If you are taking the same amount of time to respond, then no.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is definitely in some sort of power struggle with her MIL, but I also wonder why OP is in charge of the Pyrex. Can't MIL pester her son for the Pyrex? In my household everyone is responsible for dealing with their own parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

In a world where we treat each other decently. There's also a difference between "immediately" and "timely." It sounds like OP deliberately ignored her MIL's perfectly reasonable request for an extended period of time.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly an expecting different results. She's complaining this is common behavior for MIL, when she hasn't tried the obvious, which is just to acknowledge the first communication. Instead, she ignored MIL for an extended period of time, which caused the escalation/spiraling. It's almost like OP wanted that to happen so she'd have something to complain about.

Ding ding ding!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is definitely in some sort of power struggle with her MIL, but I also wonder why OP is in charge of the Pyrex. Can't MIL pester her son for the Pyrex? In my household everyone is responsible for dealing with their own parent.

I've been married for 13 years and don't even have MILs phone number.
I used to text my SIL to invite her over and she would ignore my text and send a response to her brother. Then he'd be like "my sister said she's coming here, do you know anything about this?" So I quit texting her, and now we haven't seen her in three years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is definitely in some sort of power struggle with her MIL, but I also wonder why OP is in charge of the Pyrex. Can't MIL pester her son for the Pyrex? In my household everyone is responsible for dealing with their own parent.

I've been married for 13 years and don't even have MILs phone number.
I used to text my SIL to invite her over and she would ignore my text and send a response to her brother. Then he'd be like "my sister said she's coming here, do you know anything about this?" So I quit texting her, and now we haven't seen her in three years.

You are weird.

[Anonymous]

Thumbs up emoji and move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being very unkind. Just acknowledge the request and move on. I can't imagine treating anyone like you are treating your mil.

[Anonymous]

You’re not the AH but you you knew she was going to keep bugging you until you responded so why not respond sooner and get over with.

[Anonymous]

So neither your husband nor you respond to calls or texts?