barrage of communications from MIL

[Anonymous]

It’s been a month. Return her Pyrex, BISHSSSHHHH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a month. Return her Pyrex, BISHSSSHHHH!

Exactly!!! Why didn’t you return it in a timely fashion to begin with??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother-in-law left a Pyrex dish at my house on Thanksgiving that I need to get back to her. She left a voice mail the other day reminding me to bring it to an upcoming family party, then immediately sent me a text directing me to check my voice mail because I hadn't answered the phone. I didn't respond because I was busy and, frankly, she frequently does this--barraging me with calls and texts (she already knows DH often doesn't respond to calls and texts and he's not going to be at the party because he'll be traveling). Later in the evening, while DH and I were at a Chanukah gathering, she called me several times, which I ignored.

This morning, she called again to ask me if I'd gotten her message about the Pyrex dish, then asked me to please keep my text notifications on. I told her I keep them off because I don't want to be disturbed, but I assured her I'd gotten her message and would bring the dish to the party

DH and I have had several discussions about her frantic and incessant communications and largely agree, but this time he told me I brought this on myself by not simply responding to her initial call/text. I prefer to keep boundaries and not jump like a trained seal the minute I hear from her (or anyone). AITA?

You are the ass. Just send a text that says ok. That’s the end. Why draw this out it’s a power play in your end and is rude.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this too. But op, I think you should have responded to her text on day 1. I guess I don't see what the big deal is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

Well sure if it had been a Corelle serving dish, nobody would think twice. But Pyrex? That's an emergency!

[Anonymous]

She sounds annoying and agree you shouldn’t have to jump like a trained seal. But OP you also have to respond with something. My preferred response in this situation is “sure”.

[Anonymous]

She is anxious/OCD and just cant stomach an incomplete task. You are basically torturing her (even though it’s nonsense).
It all boils down to whether you want to be kind or cruel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you had to do is send a quick text at some point in the day to say you would bring it.

Playing mind games and refusing to respond to her and giving her silent treatment to watch her spiral is no more mature or functional than she is.

There are often truths in old sayings like "men marry women just like their mothers. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

Not immediately but within a reasonable time frame. MIL first contacted her the other day.

Are you saying you dont respond for days when your kids text you with a question? I think that is equally odd and wrong as OP. Refusing to respond to people to leave them hanging for days is about power and control.

Especially when the resoonse is as simple as a 2 word answer or a thumbs up.

[Anonymous]

Send her a text saying that you will return the dish at the next gathering, and won't be responding to any more reminders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

She didn’t respond *at all*. MIL got nothing but crickets. Team MIL here. I think you were just messing with her OP. There would no “barrage” if you had taken two seconds to say yup, got it. Admit it, you wanted to test her to see how many times she’d contact you without a response from you. You played the game and then got mad at her for it, running to your husband to complain about the very behavior you caused and encouraged. You sound like a total a-hole here.

Not to mention that the normal first step in this exchange would have been to do what most people do when someone leavesa dish at your house, and send a quick text letting them know they left a dish and you will bring it the next time you see them.

Given that Thanksgiving was weeks ago, I have to buck my normal trends and jump over to the Team Mother in Law side of the fence, along with everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imo this is a classic thing about the early stages of elder decline. They just get fixated on this sort of thing and they can’t handle the open loop. So to you it’s just one of 150 small housekeeping things but to her, her brain is arriving back at the “Larla hasn’t responded about that Pyrex dish” station every six minutes. And she’s losing the ability to recognize that the track management system is out of whack.

The kind thing is to just know that about her and respond on this kind of thing. But if you’re not going to, try to extend a little grace about the extra messages. We all need it for one thing or another.

This is not at all elder decline.

Mother in law is behaving normally and the OP is being petty and bitc## trying to pick a fight and make her MIL look bad and put her husband in the middle of a stupid fight that never should have happened if OP just hit a thumbs up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds annoying and agree you shouldn’t have to jump like a trained seal. But OP you also have to respond with something. My preferred response in this situation is “sure”.

OP lacks basic manners.

She is being petty and rude, specifically because it is her husband's mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

Probably the same world where it’s ok to have something that belongs to someone else and purposely refuse to acknowledge their request that you return it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imo this is a classic thing about the early stages of elder decline. They just get fixated on this sort of thing and they can’t handle the open loop. So to you it’s just one of 150 small housekeeping things but to her, her brain is arriving back at the “Larla hasn’t responded about that Pyrex dish” station every six minutes. And she’s losing the ability to recognize that the track management system is out of whack.

The kind thing is to just know that about her and respond on this kind of thing. But if you’re not going to, try to extend a little grace about the extra messages. We all need it for one thing or another.

This is not at all elder decline.

Mother in law is behaving normally and the OP is being petty and bitc## trying to pick a fight and make her MIL look bad and put her husband in the middle of a stupid fight that never should have happened if OP just hit a thumbs up.

No she’s not. OP sounds like a horrible bish, yes. It would have been normal for the MIL to ping her again after a day or two but not to escalate to so many messages and calls. That’s extreme.