Principal hates the involved parents

[Anonymous]

School employee here. I’ve been through two administrators at the same school. One kept parents at arm’s length and had rigid approaches to facility use. The other had open door, open arms policy to parents. School size over 600 kids.

Pros and cons: Rigid principal had a low parent rapport, but a generally a high employee morale and low employee turnover. Open door principal has much much better parent involvement and parent rapport but low employee morale due to burnout and high employee turnover; employees generally feel unsupported and thrown under the bus by both parents and administrators whenever issues arise.

[Anonymous]

Wow most of these replies are super weird. My kids are HS now but I was active in my first kid’s PTA at a Focus school in MCPS and an occasional volunteer at my second kid’s PTA in FCPS. Both worked hard to put on community building and other special events for the kids that complemented the normal academic school day nicely.

OP, you are not nuts and the the stuff you are seeking is not unreasonable. It is 100% unreasonable for the principal to refuse to even meet with you for months on end.

At this point the only recourse you’d have would be to go over their head to the supervisor for the area they are in (not the whole district). Surely will not improve the principal’s attitude but you may find out if they are within their rights to just ban all this stuff and at least lodge a complaint about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School employee here. I’ve been through two administrators at the same school. One kept parents at arm’s length and had rigid approaches to facility use. The other had open door, open arms policy to parents. School size over 600 kids.

Pros and cons: Rigid principal had a low parent rapport, but a generally a high employee morale and low employee turnover. Open door principal has much much better parent involvement and parent rapport but low employee morale due to burnout and high employee turnover; employees generally feel unsupported and thrown under the bus by both parents and administrators whenever issues arise.

My kids are at a parochial school with a rather cold principal who definitely holds parents at arms length, but I guess she's doing something right because we've had no teacher turnover at all. And I have of course noticed that the most involved parents think it gives their kids some sort of pass for poor behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School employee here. I’ve been through two administrators at the same school. One kept parents at arm’s length and had rigid approaches to facility use. The other had open door, open arms policy to parents. School size over 600 kids.

Pros and cons: Rigid principal had a low parent rapport, but a generally a high employee morale and low employee turnover. Open door principal has much much better parent involvement and parent rapport but low employee morale due to burnout and high employee turnover; employees generally feel unsupported and thrown under the bus by both parents and administrators whenever issues arise.

My kids are at a parochial school with a rather cold principal who definitely holds parents at arms length, but I guess she's doing something right because we've had no teacher turnover at all. And I have of course noticed that the most involved parents think it gives their kids some sort of pass for poor behavior.

Yes. Parent involvement in the school is not actually helpful to the school or the kids. Parents can be involved with their kids at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, The PTA wants to do really outrageous and awful things like host a free family picnic for the school community on the school grounds or allow scouts to meet after school in the building.

Spoken like someone who has no idea how logistics work. A free family picnic is not "free" for the school. A custodian and other staff would have to be available to then clean up after the picnic including the bathrooms, empty trashcans, etc. Administrators would have to "volunteer" to supervise. If you want a family picnic with other families why can't you organize one yourself at a park?

And if you let one group meet after school then you have to let other groups meet after school. This can be problematic if you have agreement with after school care providers who are contracted to use the school.

Really listen to the podcast someone posted. Your title should read "Principal hates the annoying parents".

It's this, right here. Admin and teachers will have to show up. You will say you don't care if they do, but admin will have to, and there will then be pressure on teachers to do so as well. The custodian will be forced to. These are ALL hardworking people with JOBS, and they want to spend their time outside of work hours resting and being with their own families, not grinning and nodding at all the busybody PTA mommies who concoct these stupid events to give themselves someting to do/a place to socialize and feel good about themselves because they don't have real jobs. The parents who work and the poor families won't be able to/want to do this, either. This is for you. YOU, the PTA mommies. It doesn't benefit the students. The principal is right.

Why can't you do this on your own time, with the families of your PTA mommy friends who have the luxury of time? Can't you all take your kids to the park together, or something, without inconveniencing working adults with your stupid little notions?

This is the solution. Use the time you would otherwise be volunteering at school during the day or trying to set up events on the club of parents who have your flexibility. Get your "fellow school parent bonding time" meeting with each other during the day for neighborhood walks, working out at the gym, having meal prepping parties etc. and in the after-school hours when you would be running events for everyone, just do the potlucks/picnics/pizza parties/puzzle clubs/chess clubs/book clubs/roller rink trips for your own exclusive circle.

People will hate you for being exclusive, but PTA mommies are the worst, so who cares?

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between involved parents and intrusive parents. Unfortunately most of the involved parents are the intrusive parents. Their angle is not to support the school but to get inside intel to give their child an advantage. It also gives them easy access to teachers and admin to discuss their child's needs. I have seen this way too much. Teachers getting accosted at the copy machine, during their lunch, or just walking in the hallway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between involved parents and intrusive parents. Unfortunately most of the involved parents are the intrusive parents. Their angle is not to support the school but to get inside intel to give their child an advantage. It also gives them easy access to teachers and admin to discuss their child's needs. I have seen this way too much. Teachers getting accosted at the copy machine, during their lunch, or just walking in the hallway.

There shouldn’t be anything like this for them to find out. It sounds like a fear of accountability.

[Anonymous]

There is always inside intel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is always inside intel.

Ok call me naive but…what? What “inside intel” could advantage a student

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is always inside intel.

Ok call me naive but…what? What “inside intel” could advantage a student

NP. Knowing which class(es) are the inclusion classes and making sure your kid isn't in one, which classes are generally stronger academically, which classes have the less experienced teachers, which classes have push in ESL services, finding out whether a teacher might not be returning from maternity leave, that kind of thing. Also, which class "that kid" is going to be in and strategically avoiding it.

[Anonymous]

“Involved parents.”

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, The PTA wants to do really outrageous and awful things like host a free family picnic for the school community on the school grounds or allow scouts to meet after school in the building.

Why are you so dramatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't call PTA bothersome but I wish the Principals would establish boundaries and be firm. We had way too many neighborhood mommies in the classroom.

This. It’s totally bizarre that OP’s PTA thinks it should have any say whatsoever in what outside groups (yes, even Scouts) use school facilities outside of school hours. Total overstep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our GS troop meets at school. DCPS.

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School employee here. I’ve been through two administrators at the same school. One kept parents at arm’s length and had rigid approaches to facility use. The other had open door, open arms policy to parents. School size over 600 kids.

Pros and cons: Rigid principal had a low parent rapport, but a generally a high employee morale and low employee turnover. Open door principal has much much better parent involvement and parent rapport but low employee morale due to burnout and high employee turnover; employees generally feel unsupported and thrown under the bus by both parents and administrators whenever issues arise.

Not OP. This is very helpful. Thank you.