I am a loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with OP. Failed at everything significant in life. The only saving grace is that my kids are/will be successful.

You’re not alone, OP.

Raising successful adults is no easy feat, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with OP. Failed at everything significant in life. The only saving grace is that my kids are/will be successful.

You’re not alone, OP.

Raising successful adults is no easy feat, PP!

That’s true, but mostly to my DW’s credit.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are a narc, trying to elicit sympathy, which is unlike a narcissist to the T, I wonder who abused you so much that you have such low self-esteem? Who is a narcissist in your family? Mom, Dad, spouse?
Such issues show when you have an abusive person in your life, who gaslights you, makes you think you are nothing, to prop themselves. I doubt a true narc would ever write what you wrote; they would never admit they are pathetic, even though they do know it.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone has to be interesting or charismatic. It might be ok to just be nice, kind, helpful, a good listener, someone with interests. The world couldn't work if everyone was a leader and nobody followed or did their own thing. I'm sure you're good at something. And you can make yourself more interesting. Find something you like. Learn more about it. Get excited. Find other people who like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone in your loserdom.

1. Sometimes, my family forgets to invite me to family events. Occasionally one person will ask "Are you going to David's birthday party?" and I have to respond that no, I wasn't invited. Other times I will be at one thing and they'll be talking about something else and I'll realize they all got together and did that without me.

2. Nobody has ever said they were proud of me. To be fair, there's nothing to be proud of. I'm an assistant at a company and do a decent enough job that I get yearly raises, but I will never get promoted and can't advance. I never have anything to brag about.

3. I am both fat and ugly. Obviously if I could lose weight I would, but I'd still be stuck with the ugly part. My hair always looks awful. Now I'm in perimenopause (I think) and can't work myself up to calling a dr to get an appointment to ask if HRT is right for me bc doctors always dismiss fat ugly people and I don't have it in me to deal with that again.

4. I hate where I live, can't make it better and can't afford to move.

You have a rather defeatist attitude, no offense but no one is so fat and ugly that they own family forgets about them.

I’ll give you the fat and ugly doctors angle, I’ve never been ugly but I’m old now, not too wrinkly yet, but I definitely went through a period where I got a bit fat which made me less attractive.

I noticed doctors didn’t fawn all over me the way they did when I was younger and attractive, no one did really, so I leaned into throwing my weight around and not shrinking in my skin. That worked well for me.

When I got tired of being fat I did the telehealth semi-glutide thing, lost the weight and felt better…

Try the telehealth thing, specifically for glps, they deal with fat people all day, and dont care, in fact the fatter you are the more money they make. So drop the weight, but as for ugly there is nothing to be done.

The bright side is perimenopause means you are well on your way to being invisible anyway, so soon your looks won’t matter at all. Ugly, or not ugly, it won’t matter either way you will be just another invisible middle aged woman.

Drop the weight though because being fat isn’t good for you!

I have lived my entire life with nobody fawning over me. I didn't used to be pretty - I was kind of cute until about age 4, and then no longer. I've always been invisible. GLP is not the route for me - nobody can answer how you avoid gaining all the weight back once you go off it, and I don't want to yo-yo with my weight. What you call my defeatist attitude is based on almost half a century of society telling me in all kinds of various ways that I am at best forgotten and at worst repulsive.

[Anonymous]

Do this test, https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/
Or some similar, then you can start identifying why you think and feel the way you do, and work on improving what BS someone thought you to think about yourself. Bcs those around you, and those who raised you, are losers, they decided to prop themselves up by making you their scapegoat. It is time to recognize your worth and that some loser made you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

I disagree, yes, she can. She can try. It is hard and a long road, but it is never too late to start building confidence and positive self-esteem, and to turn around how you feel. It is not easy to move to a secure attachment style, but people can try.

I'll give an example of never giving up, I went to do a sport bcs a friend wanted company. I was not interested in this particular sport. A few weeks after taking lessons with a friend, and not being good at this sport at all, she found out she was pregnant and had to stop. I was about to stop too, but then something said in me, why, why can't I do this on my own? Do I depend on her, and why am I quitting and saying I can't do this? Why can't I do it? I continued with this sport for years to follow and became really good at it. You can call it defiance, stubbornness, or even spite.

If you change your mindset to something like this, and say, yes I can, and try and try, such as I don't know, yoga, cooking, small things, if you think about what you did today, you will realize that you probably did a lot of good and lovely things.

It is not easy, and the above pp is correct to a degree, but giving up is worse than trying. People are not their weight, their college degree, their job; people are all the same, full of insecurities, pride, ego, wins and losses. Once you accept that we are all great and weak at the same time, things might change for you.

[Anonymous]

I heard a YouTuber say that we are not living our lives, we are living the ghost lives of our ancestors. This really resonated with me, and I thought about it. This YouTuber was right for me.

I was living with the two great-grandfathers who were killed in WWI, grandpas in concentration camps, mom and dad being post-WWII living in poverty and struggling, all of these I was living and were part of my everyday behavior. Grandma's struggling, being an orphan, and her mom had a horrific childhood with an abusive father, which made her behavior towards us difficult. I am trying to live my present life now, not their tragedies. I hope you get the meaning I am trying to relate, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

I disagree, yes, she can. She can try. It is hard and a long road, but it is never too late to start building confidence and positive self-esteem, and to turn around how you feel. It is not easy to move to a secure attachment style, but people can try.

I'll give an example of never giving up, I went to do a sport bcs a friend wanted company. I was not interested in this particular sport. A few weeks after taking lessons with a friend, and not being good at this sport at all, she found out she was pregnant and had to stop. I was about to stop too, but then something said in me, why, why can't I do this on my own? Do I depend on her, and why am I quitting and saying I can't do this? Why can't I do it? I continued with this sport for years to follow and became really good at it. You can call it defiance, stubbornness, or even spite.

If you change your mindset to something like this, and say, yes I can, and try and try, such as I don't know, yoga, cooking, small things, if you think about what you did today, you will realize that you probably did a lot of good and lovely things.

It is not easy, and the above pp is correct to a degree, but giving up is worse than trying. People are not their weight, their college degree, their job; people are all the same, full of insecurities, pride, ego, wins and losses. Once you accept that we are all great and weak at the same time, things might change for you.

You can work on your confidence and self esteem.

You cannot change the fact that you had a childhood of neglect/abuse. The PP before said "oh well maybe your dad had undiagnosed Asperger's and couldn't show emotion or connect. But that doesn't change the fact of the neglect (or abuse if there was abuse). Young children require nurturing and loving caregivers. A person who was deprived of that as a child will always have to deal with that loss.

Saying "you can fix it" is like telling someone whose parents died "you can bring them back." No, you cannot. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do this test, https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/
Or some similar, then you can start identifying why you think and feel the way you do, and work on improving what BS someone thought you to think about yourself. Bcs those around you, and those who raised you, are losers, they decided to prop themselves up by making you their scapegoat. It is time to recognize your worth and that some loser made you feel this way.

I did this test and it told me I have fearful-avoidant/disorganized attachment style which apparently sucks. Can confirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

I disagree, yes, she can. She can try. It is hard and a long road, but it is never too late to start building confidence and positive self-esteem, and to turn around how you feel. It is not easy to move to a secure attachment style, but people can try.

I'll give an example of never giving up, I went to do a sport bcs a friend wanted company. I was not interested in this particular sport. A few weeks after taking lessons with a friend, and not being good at this sport at all, she found out she was pregnant and had to stop. I was about to stop too, but then something said in me, why, why can't I do this on my own? Do I depend on her, and why am I quitting and saying I can't do this? Why can't I do it? I continued with this sport for years to follow and became really good at it. You can call it defiance, stubbornness, or even spite.

If you change your mindset to something like this, and say, yes I can, and try and try, such as I don't know, yoga, cooking, small things, if you think about what you did today, you will realize that you probably did a lot of good and lovely things.

It is not easy, and the above pp is correct to a degree, but giving up is worse than trying. People are not their weight, their college degree, their job; people are all the same, full of insecurities, pride, ego, wins and losses. Once you accept that we are all great and weak at the same time, things might change for you.

If your biggest challenge in life was continuing with an athletic hobby without a friend for moral support, then I would like to gently suggest you have no idea what it is to "persevere" as an adult who was not loved and nurtured as a child. I'm guessing you had loving parents? So the "defiance, stubbornness, spite" you used to continue with that sport came in part from a sense of self worth you developed as a very young child whose parents loved her.

Also the irony here is that I also have the sort of personality that perseveres through stuff like that. It's just that after doing it, I don't feel triumphant. I continue to feel worthless, I just go to my sports lesson or whatever also, because I made myself, because what else are you going to do.

I disagree that all people are the same because some people don't have this giant gaping hole in their heart where the parental love and affection was supposed to go.

[Anonymous]

the sport example is so off the wall I just cant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

I disagree, yes, she can. She can try. It is hard and a long road, but it is never too late to start building confidence and positive self-esteem, and to turn around how you feel. It is not easy to move to a secure attachment style, but people can try.

I'll give an example of never giving up, I went to do a sport bcs a friend wanted company. I was not interested in this particular sport. A few weeks after taking lessons with a friend, and not being good at this sport at all, she found out she was pregnant and had to stop. I was about to stop too, but then something said in me, why, why can't I do this on my own? Do I depend on her, and why am I quitting and saying I can't do this? Why can't I do it? I continued with this sport for years to follow and became really good at it. You can call it defiance, stubbornness, or even spite.

If you change your mindset to something like this, and say, yes I can, and try and try, such as I don't know, yoga, cooking, small things, if you think about what you did today, you will realize that you probably did a lot of good and lovely things.

It is not easy, and the above pp is correct to a degree, but giving up is worse than trying. People are not their weight, their college degree, their job; people are all the same, full of insecurities, pride, ego, wins and losses. Once you accept that we are all great and weak at the same time, things might change for you.

If your biggest challenge in life was continuing with an athletic hobby without a friend for moral support, then I would like to gently suggest you have no idea what it is to "persevere" as an adult who was not loved and nurtured as a child. I'm guessing you had loving parents? So the "defiance, stubbornness, spite" you used to continue with that sport came in part from a sense of self worth you developed as a very young child whose parents loved her.

Also the irony here is that I also have the sort of personality that perseveres through stuff like that. It's just that after doing it, I don't feel triumphant. I continue to feel worthless, I just go to my sports lesson or whatever also, because I made myself, because what else are you going to do.

I disagree that all people are the same because some people don't have this giant gaping hole in their heart where the parental love and affection was supposed to go.

Wow! You sound like a narc, to be honest. My example was simple. I survived the Yugoslav wars and found myself in 2011 in the streets of Cairo during the Arab Spring with mobs that Mubarak left out of prisons, but my biggest struggle is an athletic hobby.
If you have a closed mind set and keep blaming others for what you are today, you truly are a narcissist. All narcs know that they are horrible, but will not show it, and will tear people down, just like you did to me here.
Billions of people do not have loving parents, but they still end up being great people. What's your excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised no one has chimed in with agreement or to judge you, actual dcum losers are slipping.

Op, could these feelings be related to PMS? It gets me every month intensely for a couple of days.

They did, but thankfully people reported those comments and they got removed. Thanks to those of you who did that, really.

It is probably partially hormone related, partially time of year (holidays bring up feelings of childhood and increase interaction with peers, leading to thinking about negative things and comparing myself to others). Having to make small talk at social events highlights the things I don't want to think about.

Yikes, I was getting hopeful. Well, at least you are not a toxic internet troll trying to weigh other people down with hurtful comments. Would you ever want to sink to the level of that type of loser?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

I disagree, yes, she can. She can try. It is hard and a long road, but it is never too late to start building confidence and positive self-esteem, and to turn around how you feel. It is not easy to move to a secure attachment style, but people can try.

I'll give an example of never giving up, I went to do a sport bcs a friend wanted company. I was not interested in this particular sport. A few weeks after taking lessons with a friend, and not being good at this sport at all, she found out she was pregnant and had to stop. I was about to stop too, but then something said in me, why, why can't I do this on my own? Do I depend on her, and why am I quitting and saying I can't do this? Why can't I do it? I continued with this sport for years to follow and became really good at it. You can call it defiance, stubbornness, or even spite.

If you change your mindset to something like this, and say, yes I can, and try and try, such as I don't know, yoga, cooking, small things, if you think about what you did today, you will realize that you probably did a lot of good and lovely things.

It is not easy, and the above pp is correct to a degree, but giving up is worse than trying. People are not their weight, their college degree, their job; people are all the same, full of insecurities, pride, ego, wins and losses. Once you accept that we are all great and weak at the same time, things might change for you.

If your biggest challenge in life was continuing with an athletic hobby without a friend for moral support, then I would like to gently suggest you have no idea what it is to "persevere" as an adult who was not loved and nurtured as a child. I'm guessing you had loving parents? So the "defiance, stubbornness, spite" you used to continue with that sport came in part from a sense of self worth you developed as a very young child whose parents loved her.

Also the irony here is that I also have the sort of personality that perseveres through stuff like that. It's just that after doing it, I don't feel triumphant. I continue to feel worthless, I just go to my sports lesson or whatever also, because I made myself, because what else are you going to do.

I disagree that all people are the same because some people don't have this giant gaping hole in their heart where the parental love and affection was supposed to go.

Wow! You sound like a narc, to be honest. My example was simple. I survived the Yugoslav wars and found myself in 2011 in the streets of Cairo during the Arab Spring with mobs that Mubarak left out of prisons, but my biggest struggle is an athletic hobby.
If you have a closed mind set and keep blaming others for what you are today, you truly are a narcissist. All narcs know that they are horrible, but will not show it, and will tear people down, just like you did to me here.
Billions of people do not have loving parents, but they still end up being great people. What's your excuse?

Please stop throwing around "you're a narcissist" as an insult all the time. I'm not a narcissist. I wrote my post out of empathy for OP because I found your post callous.

The way you framed it made it sound like you were comparing the profound sense of worthlessness some of us feel due to parental abuse and neglect with the frankly minor sense of awkwardness a person might feel going to a sport lesson on their own instead of with a friend. If that's not what you were doing, you can clarify that and let me know my assumptions about you (which I made without calling you names or blaming you, but by gently suggesting your example was not helpful to someone dealing with a deep sense of worthlessness) were wrong.

Sorry if I got it wrong and misunderstood your post. Please don't call me a narcissist. My father was/is a true narcissist and I work very hard not to be that, so that insult cuts very deep and is very hurtful. You don't know me. My post was written in defense of and with compassion for OP.