Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

Your 15 YO is getting hosed when I read what you 18 YO is getting.

The 15yr olds tix to the comedy show require a plane trip and an overnight. The comedian he likes is family friendly but not a big name. He's still building his career and plays mostly comedy clubs with a 21+ age requirement. I had to find the show at an all ages location. Does that make things more even or do you still feel he is getting hosed?

DP. Depends. is plane ticket to Florida for spring break or hawaii. Is the equipment a 6k horse saddle or 1k skis or a softball glove.

[Anonymous]

If they are out of high school, give them the same amount of $, no matter their circumstance. imo. I use to make elaborate origami gifts made out of bills. It was a different way to gift them money. Now we do 1 gift a piece (like a sweater) and a handsome check, a regular predictable amount from year to year. Same procedure for their birthdays.

I remember being so grateful for a check when I was a young adult and young mother. Holidays were expensive - the travel, any gift giving. Christmas was a real budget buster and the relief of a check was sure appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

Your 15 YO is getting hosed when I read what you 18 YO is getting.

The 15yr olds tix to the comedy show require a plane trip and an overnight. The comedian he likes is family friendly but not a big name. He's still building his career and plays mostly comedy clubs with a 21+ age requirement. I had to find the show at an all ages location. Does that make things more even or do you still feel he is getting hosed?

DP. Depends. is plane ticket to Florida for spring break or hawaii. Is the equipment a 6k horse saddle or 1k skis or a softball glove.

Plane ticket is to Florida. The equipment is an underwater flashlight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the oldest of four and when I started college my parents told me that I'm an adult and would no longer get Christmas presents. I came home that first Christmas on break and watched all my siblings open presents for a couple hours with not a single gift for me. I had used money from my part time job to get presents for each of them. It was really hurtful, so the following years I went to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend and his parents (who did include me).

A few years later my siblings hit college age. I expected the same rule would apply to them. But my parents decided it wouldn't feel like Christmas if they didn't give presents, so they kept getting presents for my college-aged siblings. It was super screwed up.

So whatever you do, don't do that. Think about a long term plan that works fairly for all of your kids.

WOW - I'm so sorry! And NOW your parents wonder why you don't go to their home much, right? And don't have a really strong bond with your parents?

[Anonymous]

Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.

Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.

[Anonymous]

We have adult sons ages 28 and 25. They will each get a gift or two totaling around $200, plus stockings because I love doing those for everyone.

We are giving them each a check for $1000 as well.

[Anonymous]

I have college aged and older to buy for. I think the gift giving has slowly transitioned to fewer gifts, and in some cases, but not all, less $$ involved. I did have a conversation with the oldest about not having a stocking any more. But other than that it’s just kind of natural. They don’t want as much stuff, and what they do want costs more so there will be fewer gifts.

[Anonymous]

My parents still get me gifts and I’m in my 50s. It doesn’t have to cost a lot and is thoughtful. Our kids both travel home by plane so they’ll likely open a photo of what we’ve mailed to their apartment. We’ve asked them what they want—sometimes money for travel, sometimes things they would like, sometimes experiences. I just want them to know they’re loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

What does “family dinner” include?

[Anonymous]

We are doing cash (as both requested it) and stocking stuffers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We simply told them we were having a downsized Christmas now that they were adults. I did this when they were college aged, and our household expenses went up. They agreed and we moved on.

They even enacted a limit on their sibling gifts. One gift around $30.

This! Direct conversation. As for the kid still in college, you can get them what they need apart from the holiday. Separate conversation. If you need x,y,z, you can put it in my Amazon cart.

[Anonymous]

Kids are 23 and 25. This is the year I just kind of reached the end of it. They are both getting $ and stockings. I realized I am just looking for the fun of shopping/giving. They both are employed. One earns more than I do! I realized just having us together is great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't handle buying a $1000 worth of gifts as the kids now can pretty much buy most of what they want without a problem. Looking at how other families transitioned to maybe a 1-2 gifts plus a check. Also, how do you handles the $$ amount when some of the kids have real jobs and don't need as much, but still have a some kids still in school with no job.

We simply made an announcement last year that gift giving would be different. No drama.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 daughters ages 30, 28 and 19 and 2 grandsons. All 5 get the same amount of gifts no matter there age.

They all email me lists and I buy off of what they put on there lists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We simply told them we were having a downsized Christmas now that they were adults. I did this when they were college aged, and our household expenses went up. They agreed and we moved on.

They even enacted a limit on their sibling gifts. One gift around $30.

This! Direct conversation. As for the kid still in college, you can get them what they need apart from the holiday. Separate conversation. If you need x,y,z, you can put it in my Amazon cart.

This is a good approach for handling the fact that the youngest is still in school and not independent, and may have more needs than others. Treat them the same on Christmas morning but help them separately a bit more as you did with older siblings.

But yes, the direct conversation is key. I think a mistake many parents make when their kids become adults is to never address it directly, never discuss how the relationship shifts, etc. That can lead to a lot of resentment and awkwardness. The direct conversation is as much for the parents as it is for the kids, because it forces you to truly acknowledge your kids are grown and your relationship is changing.