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When Did You Realize there was a trust fund?
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Anonymous
I should've been a little more clear: everyone in the office proposed cuts other than to the retirement fund (we are a small enough firm that most folks have a handle on the budget). We preferred taking a scalpel to the budget rather than a sledgehammer. He eventually acquiesced. I've never thought I was underwriting his lifestyle though I do believe his trust fund periodically influences budget decisions to his benefit. Regarding underwriting lifestyles, that was directed to folks whom I knew in my 20s. I made more money because I needed a better-paying job to care for me and younger sibs still in school (and I had student loans and sometimes my parents needed money, yah de yah). I never held out for the perfect job because I never had that luxury. Some of these friends, however, had that option because their parents paid for rent, etc. But then they would want to eat a nice restaurant and whine when I would say that I would only cover my expenses plus tip, not split bill in half (usually because I did not order alcohol and appetizer - entree and water for me in those days). Growing up working class, one always knows that nearly all the folks in the room are richer than you. It is not an epiphany one has in college but drilled in from day one. |
Anonymous
Fricking? |
Anonymous
| I am self made but marvel at how someone could get mad that someone else has a trust fund. Gotta tell you that I have already set up trust funds for my kids..with provisions of course but we have done that because we love our children and we are responsible i.e. if we die we want to make sure that we are not unloading our financial burden onto someone else. When I started out I never was angry at someone who was rich either by their own work or their families prudent savings..that is life and getting mad seems a waste of an emotion. Also should note that I never went out to dinner and nickel and dimed anything when I was starting out.either I could afford to split a bill or not esp..if I was the only person who didn't have cash as usually I was at a fairly reasonble place so bickering over a few dollars is dumb and sort of classlass. And now if I was going out with another couple..we usually agree on a restaurant that works for both budgets..doesn't have to be Capital Grill to have a good time. If a friend is insisting you have to go to an expensive place..a whole other issue. |
Anonymous
NP here -- but if you don't drink, it's annoying to have to split your buddies' bar bill. Alcohol adds a LOT to a dinner tab. It's a matter of fairness. |
Anonymous
I would always split the bill. Friendship isn't about absolute fairness, it is about solidarity. |
Anonymous
I am the alleged "nickel and diming" poster. In my twenties, I would suggest we choose less expensive restaurants where I could split the bill and afford to order alcohol and an appetizer. Do you think I was thrilled in abstaining? Twenty years later I have more cash in the bank. I always split the bill. I do, however, always ask my less wealthy friends where they want to eat, not just insist on my choice My HHI is five and ten times many of my friends. Many are on tight budgets. Friendship recognizes all the friends in the relationship, not just the ones with the money (or the expensive tastes). Solidarity is about being there for each other. I didn't remain friends with all those folks. I am, however, still friends with many of them and some now live in more financially constrained circumstances (parents cut off spigot). A few of them have commented that they are grateful of how mindful I now am of their situation when we dine out, go to movies, etc. even if they were not as sensitive to mine back in the day. |
Anonymous
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OP, you are seriously resentful of the have's in this world. As you said yourself, they'll always be there. But you need to acknowledge that you are making choices. The world is not just something that's "happening" to you, you're participating and are responsible for your own choices. (I'm the "started working at 14 / house on W street" poster from the other page.) here are the choices I see in your posts:
1. choosing to help out your parents and sibs. I also helped my parents and gave my siblings cash. I think this is a good choice. But you need to decide how much you can afford, and if you're doing this, then you do it with the knowledge that while you may be more poor than a trust fund baby, you are life-richer because of your generosity. If you're going to resent giving, or resent where giving will take you, then you are giving too much and need to rethink your choices. 2. you made choices to take on student loans. Here is where we part ways. I worked full time in the summers and part time in high school. I chose to give up a lot of things that other kids enjoyed in order to achieve the things I wanted because, by then, I realized that nobody was going to achieve them for me, or give them to me. I saved up enough to pay for my first year of college, provided that I was working full time. I also went to a state school and not the Ivy that had accepted me, because I knew I'd have a hard time paying off Ivy tuition vs. State School tuition. Yeah, some of my friends in college were there with full payment from parents and spending money, too. I learned not to envy their lives. Not because there was nothing to envy, but because envying them is POINTLESS. 3. You choose go out to dinner with your friends and worry about how you'll split up the check. Why not instead choose to decline this one, say it's out of your budget, then choose to suggest a different place (that is within your budget) the next weekend? "hey guys, I'd love to join you but Citronelle is not in my budget. Let's go to (enter cheap eats place of your choice) next week for brunch!" Or, even yet another choice, you might have chosen, in your childless early twenties, to take on a second job and decline all dining altogether to get yourself in a better financial position. I'm not saying you should regret or be ashamed of your choices. And I'm not pretending that the "have's" in the world don't often have better choices. But let's see here. You have a husband you'd like to divorce and you say you can't afford to divorce him. That makes me sad on many levels, but let's boil it down here. You are CHOOSING to stay with him because staying with him in your current financial state is your preference to what you see as the alternative. (Though have you explored ALL of your options?) Life is filled with choices. Sometimes they seem poor, or unfair, but you have them and are responsible for making your own. |
Anonymous
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14:50, you are confusing me with OP. OP never discussed those points, but let me tackle what you meant and directed to me.
Money to relatives: I am not sure where you deduce that I am bitter giving money to my family. As I indicated, I now have a very HHI. I feel quite lucky I am able to help them out now. And my siblings are in a better financial position as they were able to go to college. Student loans: You may not realize, but there are some folks out there who do not have the luxury of opting for a loan-less state university degree (v an Ivy degree). Some of us come from families where there is just not much money and so we are eligible for loans and grants - even for four-year, public education institutions. For the record, I worked full-time every summer from ninth grade, part-time during high school years, and part-time through college. I still graduated college with honors, but I had to make every free moment count. Dining: I did suggest other alternatives. You may not be aware, but some folks who come from privileged backgrounds are just not happy eating at less fancy establishments (and we are hardly talking about Citronelle - even they could not manage that on their [or parents'] money. So I did decline often. I was just always amused that they would whine poverty when they never had to worry about who would cover their rent. Marriage: Hubby and I have been happily married for over ten years. No plans to divorce. His parents have money, but we worry that they are blowing through it and will expect us to help them out. That would burn because, with good planning, they could live comfortably till their last days. FWIW, I am interested in why folks think it is "not friendly" for folks to pay a bar or restaurant tab based on what they order. If I order a dessert, have another drink, etc, I always suggest, "let me put in a little more," etc. Most times folks say, "oh, that's fine." Now and then, someone takes me up on it. I don't begrudge either party. Why is it such a big deal? |
Anonymous
I completely agree that the way to deal with income disparities is to go to cheap places where everyone can afford to partake. |
Anonymous
Ha! I think a lot of the people who post here would seriously disagree with you. They can't accept the 0.01% above their high achieving 99.9%ers. 
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Anonymous
| A PP mentioned people who are "retired" in their 30s. Please share what they did to make so much money. So I can advise my kids what fields to look at--because law and medicine ain't all that.... |
Anonymous
i didn't say you were bitter -- but it IS your choice. Also, you may be confusing me with someone who grew up with a trust fund or family money?
I don't understand the above. did you mistype something? I was also eligible for student loans (my family had no money for college) but I chose not to go that route; I worked full time, instead. We can have a pissing contest if you want -- I worked full time, graduated with honors, and also made every free moment count, but I still worked full time through college. I landed a merit scholarship for my second two years, but continued to work. I lived with four girls, shared a bedroom, and ate as cheaply as I could while keeping it moderately healthy. I had savings when I left college. I'm not going to keep quoting you, because I think you see where this is going. If your friends "whine" poverty when you don't want to pay their bartab, you need new friends. I'm sure you can find plenty of friends (even some with healthy trust funds) who aren't so jerky. You don't seem to like them anyway, so why choose to keep them as friends? As far as splitting the check, I really don't care either way. If I'm out with someone and everyone has pretty much had the same thing, I'd prefer to split things up fairly evenly. When I had less money, I didn't dine out much. (Again, my choice, yours is different). But if you do eat out and want to split up the tab, and these are your dear friends, why not just speak up and say with a big smile "hey, cut me some slack you boozehounds! I teetotaled to keep my bartab down. Mind if I throw in X? That covers my meal and a healthy tip, I'll leave you to deal with the alcohol carnage" Keep it lilghthearted and it won't seem awkward. Or just don't go, as I said before. Choices......... Just please stop acting like you don't have choices about ALL of this! |
Anonymous
| One last thing to add to you AND to OP, if she's still reading. The thing is, like I said a few posts back, if you go through your life resenting the fact that some people have an easier time of it than you, the ONLY thing you succeed in doing is tipping the scales that much more in their favor by adding yet one more bit of unhappiness that you have to carry around on your shoulders. Resenting someone else for having more will only hold you back. Choose to forge your own path, look ahead of you instead of from side to side worrying so much over what everyone else has, and you'll be a happier person for it. |
Anonymous
| Here is the thing about trust funds. They aren't that secure. I have one, and the person who set it up for me is always threatening to take it away if I don't live my life the way they want. Often times trusts have executors and stipulations, so they don't always equate with above-average security. In my case, it would have been detrimental if I didn't realize that I need to make my own money because that "fall-back" could no longer exist if I don't adhere to the whims of a sometimes illogical relative. |
Anonymous
A friend of my sister's is like this - mid=40s but has been "retired" for at least five years. She worked at AOL starting in the very early days. |