Roommate sleeping 18 hours a day

[Anonymous]

Don’t think DD should ignore the issue. I think DD needs to talk with roommate about being concerned she’s sleeping so much. If roommate doesn’t change, talk to RA/RD.

That said a lot of you are making a diagnosis of mental health. It could be mono (going around DCs campus) or something else.
Try not to jump to conclusions.

I think any conversations with the school or parents should stick to the facts - she’s sleeping a lot. That’s it and that’s all you know. Not in a position to diagnosis anything else and it would be out of bounds to suggest anything else. Stick to the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand what the heck is wrong with the MYOB posters. Are these the same type of people who would walk past an unconscious victim in the street instead of calling for help? These are the same type of people who ignored Kitty Genovese's cries? Do you want other people to do the same if your kid is sick or in in danger?

Depressed kids commit suicide. It's not morally okay to ignore this. First step would be for OP's kid to tell someone in charge at the college. Thank you for caring about someone else's kid, OP.

No need to be dramatic. The majority of depressed kids do NOT commit suicide. And the amount of public apathy towards Kitty was exaggerated.

Wow, PP. Just to be clear. If your kid sleeps 20 hours a day when they go off to college, you want others to mind their own business? Oookay.

Nobody said THIS particular kid is suicidal or that all depressed kids are suicidal. But depressed kids are at risk, and whether this kid is suffering from depression or some kind of illness that they may be too exhausted to seek help for, this amount of fatigue not normal and should be red flagged by anyone with any decency.

[Anonymous]

Is she showering? Going to class? Doing homework?

If she is doing those then no I would not say anything. If she is doing nothing else but sleeping and eating for weeks on end then yeah, say something.

[Anonymous]

I would reach out to the parents. Can your daughter invite her to lunch/dinner and make an effort and try to help a little? Or, if you live close, maybe go visit and offer to take both of them to eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t think DD should ignore the issue. I think DD needs to talk with roommate about being concerned she’s sleeping so much. If roommate doesn’t change, talk to RA/RD.

That said a lot of you are making a diagnosis of mental health. It could be mono (going around DCs campus) or something else.
Try not to jump to conclusions.

I think any conversations with the school or parents should stick to the facts - she’s sleeping a lot. That’s it and that’s all you know. Not in a position to diagnosis anything else and it would be out of bounds to suggest anything else. Stick to the facts.

At least we're agreed roommate should act. This behavior not normal in any case. This could be a physical illness or a mental health crisis, but either of these may affect the person's clarity and judgment, and reduce their judgment and their initiative to seek help for themselves.

[Anonymous]

call the mom. tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

I'd skip the kid and the barely older kid who is an RA.

Either go to the residential dean. Or the parents.

Sleeping for 18-20 hours is either a mental or physical issue. I'd go to the parents. I specifically told my kids' roommates when we exchanged numbers to reach out if they had any reason to be concerned about my kid. Luckily, never had an issue, but these are things you want to be proactive about.

[Anonymous]

OP, please call the mom first thing tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

I would reach out to the parents. I think that when it comes to mental health, people are too soon to mind their own business. If something happened to this girl, I think you would have regrets about not talking to her parents. She definitely has depression or some type of medical illness, as this is not normal behavior, and if nobody helps her, she will continue to spiral.. she might not appreciate it right now, but when she’s better, she definitely will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:95% chance this is depression, but I want to throw out mono as a possibility too. I got it in college and barely left my dorm room for the better part of a couple of months.

Was wondering this as well, though OP said she at least eats. One of the guys in the room next to mine freshman year of college got mono. His friends brought him food from the dining hall but pretty quickly realized that someone had to actually sit with him and prompt him to eat it because otherwise he'd just fall back asleep. This went on for a couple weeks and didn't improve and his parents had to come get him and do a medical withdrawal for the term.

Regardless, nobody should be sleeping 18 hours a day, so something is clearly wrong and needs intervention.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all your thoughts. I'm the OP. I really like the girl's mom--she's someone I could be close friends with if we were from the same home town. I need to sleep on this (and of course it's way to late to call now) but I think I'll call her tomorrow.
My daughter really likes this girl and they are fairly close. The sleep issue has crept up over the past 3 weeks. It's definitely something that started out feeling very normal "oh, XX is just tired lately" to feeling decidedly not normal (enough that she reached out to me for advice).

[Anonymous]

nothing bad can come from calling. maybe the roommate is annoyed by your dd - but she just says, I didn't know my mom would call your mom! that's the WORST that can happen if you call. If you dont call, who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for all your thoughts. I'm the OP. I really like the girl's mom--she's someone I could be close friends with if we were from the same home town. I need to sleep on this (and of course it's way to late to call now) but I think I'll call her tomorrow.
My daughter really likes this girl and they are fairly close. The sleep issue has crept up over the past 3 weeks. It's definitely something that started out feeling very normal "oh, XX is just tired lately" to feeling decidedly not normal (enough that she reached out to me for advice).

If you live closer than the parents you may want to offer to take her to a doctor, etc. Try to get your daughter to encourage her to go to one meal a day with her and at least the health center but most health centers are pretty bad.

I have health issues and sleep a lot. There could be a lot of reasons but it's very concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:nothing bad can come from calling. maybe the roommate is annoyed by your dd - but she just says, I didn't know my mom would call your mom! that's the WORST that can happen if you call. If you dont call, who knows.

Daughter just says my mom was asking how you were doing and I mentioned you slept a lot. You know how mom's are and they worry. I'm sorry, I didn't realize she'd call.

But, CALL.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t sleep 18 hours a day- more like 12 and I was always tired my freshman year. It wasn’t depression but I had some underlining health issues going on. My roommate said something to me about it and she told me she was concerned. Looking back- I didn’t know how to get medical attention and I did appreciate the help I got. Definitely talk to someone