Keeping stuff from parents in the private schools?

[Anonymous]

IMO it is grooming- regardless of whether it is in public or private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, a common piece of advice for helping your kids to protect themselves against adults with bad intentions is that they should stay far away from anyone who asks them to keep something secret from their parents.

I see what you’re saying but also note some distinctions here. Those “bad secrets” are about the adult and their conduct. Here, nobody is making kids keep a secret. Rather, schools are trying to create safe spaces for students. I personally don’t need to know every single activity and club my kid participates in at school. If you build trust with your children, they should feel comfortable sharing details about their day.

Even more interestingly, another common piece of advice is to be on the lookout for adults who try to gain the confidence of kids and make kids feel like everything is their choice. That way, if something bad or regrettable happens, kids feel like they can't go talk to their parents or others because they feel ashamed of their mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Recently, a teacher at my child’s school was fired after an incident involving aggression toward a middle school student, but the parents were never informed. Is that even legal? Shouldn’t parents be notified when something like this happens at school? How is this handled at your school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools have way less oversite than publics.

They hide shit all the time.

Especially religious ones.

Not sure about religious ones. The top school schools in dc have many cases of molestation that were hidden to the parents.

Smaller religious privates are breeding grounds for abuse. The stats show this.

Catholic schools are actually the safest places right now due to the extreme oversight and background checks required of staff and volunteers. Public schools like MCPS are a disaster and a cesspool of abuse.

[Anonymous]

Be sure your kids know they can come to you about this stuff, and that you mean it, and you’re not going to have to worry about some silly survey.

If, on the other hand, your kid knows you would be incredibly displeased if they come out, they are not going to tell you, and they need support from other people in their lives.

There’s not some middle ground where your kid who otherwise wouldn’t be gay or trans will become that way for the rest of their life because of a survey or because there’s a rainbow club at their private school. Seriously.

I had adults intervene and help me during high school, including not sharing things with my abusive parents, not about being gay but about other issues. It was huge and I’ve never forgotten it. Yeah it would have been better if my parents were different people and other adults didn’t have to withhold information from them but those weren’t the facts I was living with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO it is grooming- regardless of whether it is in public or private school.

Sheesh. This is not grooming and I’m so tired of this talking point. Grooming is done for the purpose of laying the foundation to later abuse a child. Not to help a child work through issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be sure your kids know they can come to you about this stuff, and that you mean it, and you’re not going to have to worry about some silly survey.

If, on the other hand, your kid knows you would be incredibly displeased if they come out, they are not going to tell you, and they need support from other people in their lives.

There’s not some middle ground where your kid who otherwise wouldn’t be gay or trans will become that way for the rest of their life because of a survey or because there’s a rainbow club at their private school. Seriously.

I had adults intervene and help me during high school, including not sharing things with my abusive parents, not about being gay but about other issues. It was huge and I’ve never forgotten it. Yeah it would have been better if my parents were different people and other adults didn’t have to withhold information from them but those weren’t the facts I was living with.

I'll agree with you about being gay, but there is tons of evidence that trans identities are "contagious" within adolescent peer groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see the intentions behind it but also think the unintended consequences and potential misuse and distortion of policies like this are more harmful than any benefit.

I think it's more useful to message to kids if you are struggling with sharing your identity at home, please know you can talk to your counselor or a teacher. And work through it individually with students to support them. As opposed to the blanket way this private school is handling it. It's sending a sledgehammer after a tiny nail.

This. It’s a lazy way, to make it easier to input things in the computer rather than deal with actual issues. Q8 answered yes, then automatically the parents linked to that student don’t get sent the pronouns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be sure your kids know they can come to you about this stuff, and that you mean it, and you’re not going to have to worry about some silly survey.

If, on the other hand, your kid knows you would be incredibly displeased if they come out, they are not going to tell you, and they need support from other people in their lives.

There’s not some middle ground where your kid who otherwise wouldn’t be gay or trans will become that way for the rest of their life because of a survey or because there’s a rainbow club at their private school. Seriously.

I had adults intervene and help me during high school, including not sharing things with my abusive parents, not about being gay but about other issues. It was huge and I’ve never forgotten it. Yeah it would have been better if my parents were different people and other adults didn’t have to withhold information from them but those weren’t the facts I was living with.

I'll agree with you about being gay, but there is tons of evidence that trans identities are "contagious" within adolescent peer groups.

If it is social contagion then it’s doubtful those kids are going to live as trans people their entire lives. What I’m saying is that this kind of thing really seems to be to be rooted in fear that a kid will be influenced into becoming something they are not. I just don’t really think that happens enough to worry it outweighs protecting the kids with homophobic parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is WRONG. Period.
OP, is it a K-12 school or a K-8 school? It is my nightmare that something like this can happen at our school.

This attitude is exactly why children need a safe adult outside of their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be sure your kids know they can come to you about this stuff, and that you mean it, and you’re not going to have to worry about some silly survey.

If, on the other hand, your kid knows you would be incredibly displeased if they come out, they are not going to tell you, and they need support from other people in their lives.

There’s not some middle ground where your kid who otherwise wouldn’t be gay or trans will become that way for the rest of their life because of a survey or because there’s a rainbow club at their private school. Seriously.

I had adults intervene and help me during high school, including not sharing things with my abusive parents, not about being gay but about other issues. It was huge and I’ve never forgotten it. Yeah it would have been better if my parents were different people and other adults didn’t have to withhold information from them but those weren’t the facts I was living with.

I'll agree with you about being gay, but there is tons of evidence that trans identities are "contagious" within adolescent peer groups.

Please provide any evidence of this.

When people are given safe environments in which to explore theit interests, beliefs, and identities, they tend to flourish. It’s part of growing and maturing. You try out parts of your personality, style, communication, etc. Gender expression is one of many things kids — and adults — explore. Ultimately, people land at their truest self.

When they aren’t allowed this freedom, they are stifled and take on others’ expectations of them. Let kids live, even if you don’t understand it. Just be a loving, supportive place for them to grow towards their most authentic selves.
That’s the job of a parent.