Keeping stuff from parents in the private schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand what they are doing. Many LGBTQ kids are not supported at home. Do I also think this is slightly performative to be this aggressive about what they are doing? Yes. But that's the school you picked.

Are many LGBTQ kids at private schools in the DC area that would have this policy not supported at home?

[Anonymous]

^^ definitely. My kid has named two sets of parents who don't accept their trans and/or queer kid.

As a queer person with a queer kid, I see both sides of this debate. I don't like the idea of secrets, either, and wonder why queer stuff gets special treatment that nothing else would. Like if my kid told me she was taking advanced bio and she were really taking non-advanced but the school covered it up, I wouldn't support that.

On the other hand, queer and trans kids don't choose to be queer, and they didn't choose for Republican politicians to use trans bathrooms and athletic participation as a dog-whistle to drum up votes. They didn't choose for books with the slightest hint of queer content to be banned and their authors harassed for being pedophiles. So maybe the one-off issue treatment is warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ definitely. My kid has named two sets of parents who don't accept their trans and/or queer kid.

As a queer person with a queer kid, I see both sides of this debate. I don't like the idea of secrets, either, and wonder why queer stuff gets special treatment that nothing else would. Like if my kid told me she was taking advanced bio and she were really taking non-advanced but the school covered it up, I wouldn't support that.

On the other hand, queer and trans kids don't choose to be queer, and they didn't choose for Republican politicians to use trans bathrooms and athletic participation as a dog-whistle to drum up votes. They didn't choose for books with the slightest hint of queer content to be banned and their authors harassed for being pedophiles. So maybe the one-off issue treatment is warranted.

Queer book bans and trans athlete/bathroom stuff is not happening at DC area non-religous private schools. Can we please stop nationalizing everything.


To put it another way - would anyone that is homophobic send their kid to a school like GDS?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Appreciate the various perspectives on this. I think I’m just miffed at the idea that a school feels like they can decide when their values usurp the parents. What if a Jewish kid didn’t want to join a Jewish affinity group even though the parents wanted them to. Would they add it to the kids schedule to help the kid lie to the parents? What if a kid got an F on a test and the kid said their parents would pull them out of the school if they failed another test. Would they agree to hide/throw out the bad grade? Everything about this just rubs me the wrong way. Breaks trust, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a student thought they might be gay/trans/etc and told a teacher.

Is a teacher obligated to call a parent and inform them?

Depends on the school. Many schools have a don’t ask/dont tell policy. Be Leary of schools where the teachers dont share their own pronouns

[Anonymous]

This kind of mentality is why we left a private like this one in favor of Catholic school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see the intentions behind it but also think the unintended consequences and potential misuse and distortion of policies like this are more harmful than any benefit.

I think it's more useful to message to kids if you are struggling with sharing your identity at home, please know you can talk to your counselor or a teacher. And work through it individually with students to support them. As opposed to the blanket way this private school is handling it. It's sending a sledgehammer after a tiny nail.

I agree with this. As someone else said - it’s performative….not to mention unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see the intentions behind it but also think the unintended consequences and potential misuse and distortion of policies like this are more harmful than any benefit.

I think it's more useful to message to kids if you are struggling with sharing your identity at home, please know you can talk to your counselor or a teacher. And work through it individually with students to support them. As opposed to the blanket way this private school is handling it. It's sending a sledgehammer after a tiny nail.

I agree with this. As someone else said - it’s performative….not to mention unnecessary.

If it even happened this way. Kids are just as prone to seeing things through colored lenses as anyone else. If you’ve got questions, ask the school how they presented this to students. You’ll either feel better or start looking for another school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the pronouns, sure. If this is an issue that really bothers you, I'd suggest a more conservative school, but it doesn't bother me at all.

Why? Because middle schoolers are in such a state of metamorphosis that I want the teachers to be trusted adults in children's lives. If they feel strongly about something like their gender but are afraid of their parents reactions, I want them to have a teacher to rely on.

OP, also consider how much more visibility/much less private space kids have now compared to when we were kids. Social media that everyone can see, tracking where kids are by phones, text messaging that parents can review. I'm ok with school being a place where they can figure out who they are without constant parent involvement. I'd much prefer that it be under the watchful and caring eye of a teacher, than telling no one anything.

Exactly why this is so dangerous. You want the parents AND the teachers to be trusted adults. Giving the impression that teachers are above parents in the trust ladder is wrong. You are doing this to the middle schoolers, you are starting them a life of mistrust with parents. If I hear this happening in our school, there would be a talk with the director and staff.

Not everything is conservative vs liberal.

Signed, a liberal voter.

+1. I would be very upset at this. They should not be undermining parents, much less proactively bringing it up as an option... for any topics.

[Anonymous]

Yeah all those vegan composting parents gonna flip their lids when kid joins the Young Conservatives Club lolz.

[Anonymous]

Interestingly, a common piece of advice for helping your kids to protect themselves against adults with bad intentions is that they should stay far away from anyone who asks them to keep something secret from their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of mentality is why we left a private like this one in favor of Catholic school.

This is why a lot of parents leave the private NYC schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, a common piece of advice for helping your kids to protect themselves against adults with bad intentions is that they should stay far away from anyone who asks them to keep something secret from their parents.

Exactly this. The school is trying to undo the messaging around safety that kids have been given since they were toddlers. It’s not okay. I’d pull my kids from a school that tried that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, a common piece of advice for helping your kids to protect themselves against adults with bad intentions is that they should stay far away from anyone who asks them to keep something secret from their parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the pronouns, sure. If this is an issue that really bothers you, I'd suggest a more conservative school, but it doesn't bother me at all.

Why? Because middle schoolers are in such a state of metamorphosis that I want the teachers to be trusted adults in children's lives. If they feel strongly about something like their gender but are afraid of their parents reactions, I want them to have a teacher to rely on.

OP, also consider how much more visibility/much less private space kids have now compared to when we were kids. Social media that everyone can see, tracking where kids are by phones, text messaging that parents can review. I'm ok with school being a place where they can figure out who they are without constant parent involvement. I'd much prefer that it be under the watchful and caring eye of a teacher, than telling no one anything.

Exactly why this is so dangerous. You want the parents AND the teachers to be trusted adults. Giving the impression that teachers are above parents in the trust ladder is wrong. You are doing this to the middle schoolers, you are starting them a life of mistrust with parents. If I hear this happening in our school, there would be a talk with the director and staff.

Not everything is conservative vs liberal.

Signed, a liberal voter.

+1. I would be very upset at this. They should not be undermining parents, much less proactively bringing it up as an option... for any topics.

Not necessarily if a kid has a crappy home life then a teacher can be a great resource for help.