I’m a recovering (fill in the blank)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person who shrinks their personality to suit others

What was your wake up call?

When was one of the first times you didn’t shrink?

I kind of think that menopause helped with that because hormones during menopause make you care less about nurturing others.

I kinda didn’t realize I was doing it 100%. I kind of thought I should be doing it to fit into society.

But anyway, it’s been about three years that I’ve started shedding myself of friends that require me to shrink.

I’ve just started being more myself and then if my friends make passive aggressive statements about it, I think maybe that’s not my person. Or maybe they just stop inviting me places cause they think I’m too much which is great because then I don’t have to dump them.

That’s so interesting about the menopause effect. My sister and friends are a good 5-8 years older, so they had what I perceived as personality changes and now that I’m 40 I recognize situations in retrospect as simply their DGAF , self protective muscle getting stronger.

Can I ask what your “true self” does that makes certain friends back off? Like you are unabashed about your weird hobbies or you are the one dancing on the bar top after being the reliable doormat friend?

I am a little bit of a dance on the bar top type of person. I also do not dress conventionally. It’s not that I dress provocatively. It’s just that I will wear stripes and polkadots.

Here’s an example my brother is an alcoholic. In the past for a wedding, for example, we would just keep an eye on him to make sure he didn’t get too drunk. If he did one of us were just driving back to the hotel early. The last wedding I said you’re not invited unless you are 100% sober and you bring your sponsor with you.

There was a group of us that was going to the movies and there was like back-and-forth and back-and-forth and back-and-forth when we were gonna go and I finally just sent a text saying I’m going on Sunday at 3 o’clock if you wanna join me. A few people cant make it and I don’t care. Because the people that couldn’t make it ended up never being able to find a time.

When I tell a story, I said exactly what happened instead of trying to make one or two of the parties sound better than they are. Someone might say well Joyce was being a little bit much and then Marcella just had to walk away. And I’m like no Joyce told Marcella that her dress was ugly and Marcella told Joyce to F off and walked away. (That happened)

In the past, what held you back from being this unapologetically let’s be respectful but cut to the chase person?

My mom, my grandmother, teachers, male bosses, my brothers and there’s six of them.

I’ve had a lot of negative feedback my whole life from everybody around me.

I actually had an executive coach four years ago who told me to stop pulling back?

[Anonymous]

Virgin. Many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a recovering busybody. I realize the poisonous impact my not so subtle dirt digging has and it makes me sad how I used gossip to build relationships.

What are you a former?

Doesn't everyone do this?

HELL no.

It’s wild that people think that everybody does this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person who shrinks their personality to suit others

What was your wake up call?

When was one of the first times you didn’t shrink?

I kind of think that menopause helped with that because hormones during menopause make you care less about nurturing others.

I kinda didn’t realize I was doing it 100%. I kind of thought I should be doing it to fit into society.

But anyway, it’s been about three years that I’ve started shedding myself of friends that require me to shrink.

I’ve just started being more myself and then if my friends make passive aggressive statements about it, I think maybe that’s not my person. Or maybe they just stop inviting me places cause they think I’m too much which is great because then I don’t have to dump them.

That’s so interesting about the menopause effect. My sister and friends are a good 5-8 years older, so they had what I perceived as personality changes and now that I’m 40 I recognize situations in retrospect as simply their DGAF , self protective muscle getting stronger.

Can I ask what your “true self” does that makes certain friends back off? Like you are unabashed about your weird hobbies or you are the one dancing on the bar top after being the reliable doormat friend?

I am a little bit of a dance on the bar top type of person. I also do not dress conventionally. It’s not that I dress provocatively. It’s just that I will wear stripes and polkadots.

Here’s an example my brother is an alcoholic. In the past for a wedding, for example, we would just keep an eye on him to make sure he didn’t get too drunk. If he did one of us were just driving back to the hotel early. The last wedding I said you’re not invited unless you are 100% sober and you bring your sponsor with you.

There was a group of us that was going to the movies and there was like back-and-forth and back-and-forth and back-and-forth when we were gonna go and I finally just sent a text saying I’m going on Sunday at 3 o’clock if you wanna join me. A few people cant make it and I don’t care. Because the people that couldn’t make it ended up never being able to find a time.

When I tell a story, I said exactly what happened instead of trying to make one or two of the parties sound better than they are. Someone might say well Joyce was being a little bit much and then Marcella just had to walk away. And I’m like no Joyce told Marcella that her dress was ugly and Marcella told Joyce to F off and walked away. (That happened)

In the past, what held you back from being this unapologetically let’s be respectful but cut to the chase person?

My mom, my grandmother, teachers, male bosses, my brothers and there’s six of them.

I’ve had a lot of negative feedback my whole life from everybody around me.

I actually had an executive coach four years ago who told me to stop pulling back?

I am very happy for you. My dad is one of 8 brothers, some quite domineering, and they did paint their 4 sisters as drama queens

[Anonymous]

Perfectionist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a recovering busybody. I realize the poisonous impact my not so subtle dirt digging has and it makes me sad how I used gossip to build relationships.

What are you a former?

Doesn't everyone do this?

HELL no.

It’s wild that people think that everybody does this

OP here. Having a neighbor who is an intense and transparent bad faith nebnose made me take a very hard look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perfectionist.

What were some ways you insisted on perfectionism? Career, outward appearance, household standards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfectionist.

What were some ways you insisted on perfectionism? Career, outward appearance, household standards?

Everything

[Anonymous]

Public school teacher. I’m now retired.

When you walk into a room and the first you do is look for an exit to get out kids or keep them safe using a barricade during school shooting, it’s not right.

[Anonymous]

Knee jerk compliment giver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a recovering busybody. I realize the poisonous impact my not so subtle dirt digging has and it makes me sad how I used gossip to build relationships.

What are you a former?

I’m a former man, now I identify as a tree.

[Anonymous]

Reflexively apologizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a recovering busybody. I realize the poisonous impact my not so subtle dirt digging has and it makes me sad how I used gossip to build relationships.

What are you a former?

I’m a former man, now I identify as a tree.

At least you got wood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a recovering poor person. I am financially independent/will never be poor again and yet still, mentally I can't shake the poverty mentality and don't enjoy money except when traveling. And then, when I return, I worry that i wasted money by traveling.

and clothes. I want better work clothes but when i go to the store, everything is so expensive. So I buy trash from Target/Amazon.

I feel like I need therapy or something.

There is therapy for this. There’s also ways to set up your money so you don’t feel guilty when you buy expensive things.

I’m like this and my financial planner set a set amount of money I have to spend a month

Me too. I have considered therapy but it’s too expensive, lol. Is there a book I can check out from the library? In the meantime, I like the idea of establishing an “allowance” that must be spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a recovering poor person. I am financially independent/will never be poor again and yet still, mentally I can't shake the poverty mentality and don't enjoy money except when traveling. And then, when I return, I worry that i wasted money by traveling.

and clothes. I want better work clothes but when i go to the store, everything is so expensive. So I buy trash from Target/Amazon.

I feel like I need therapy or something.

There is therapy for this. There’s also ways to set up your money so you don’t feel guilty when you buy expensive things.

I’m like this and my financial planner set a set amount of money I have to spend a month

Me too. I have considered therapy but it’s too expensive, lol. Is there a book I can check out from the library? In the meantime, I like the idea of establishing an “allowance” that must be spent.

Morgan Housel has two books one is the psychology of money and the others is the art of spending money