I know “I’m going to miss this” but

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh it feels like such a slog. Constant driving, listening to vents/dramas/complaints, cooking food no one is around to eat, but then also being constantly asked for takeout food, my evenings don’t really belong to me. I’m simultaneously too busy to do much for myself, yet totally bored and lonely. Spouse works a ton and helps where he can but, ugh. They tell me thanks and that I am appreciated but I don’t actually feel appreciated.

I know I will be sad when they are gone, I know. But is there any way to actually enjoy this? Because I’m not.

It is a slog. I did not enjoy the teen years, but I got through it. I listened to audio books when I was driving a lot, but would shut it off when the kids got in the car, because I found that was the time to listen to them. If they aren't ready to talk, agree with giving them control over the music. For food during that time I got really into making dinner early, and letting people eat at their leisure. Pulled pork and crockpot meals were great.

Then on Sunday, early afternoon, we'd have take out lunch on the back porch. It really was the only time all five of us could carve out between jobs, activities, and whatever else was on the calendar.

You make small enjoyable pockets of time rather than enjoying every second of every day.

As a mom who is now out of the slog (youngest just started college), I think this is great advice.

[Anonymous]

It's a slog. If the driving is too much, I would look into teen uber. It has worked well for us.

[Anonymous]

So you work part time and you’re sick of driving? Fewer activities. End of problem.

[Anonymous]

It’s a slog dam

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

OP here. Yes I work 20 hours a week and frankly it’s the best part of my day.

Ok so your DH is by far the breadwinner. Doesn’t seem fair to complain about his absence when you chose to marry an attorney

When I was 24 I had no clue what a lawyer did or that it was “normal” to work like this. Did you have perfect clarity at 24? My parents worked lower paid jobs that were basically just 40 hours per week. I frankly had no idea then that people worked in offices at 9pm.

Probably not. But if OP is honest she might admit that she has enjoyed the spoils of his hard work through the years.

’


Just eat sht and die, sorry you could neither earn nor attract a higher earner.

Cue your lies about your happiness and your wealth. Liar.

How has that worked out for you? You sure sound happy.

Loser, I have a high-earning, loving spouse and amazing DC. An additional wonderful thing is I don’t have to sht on women trying to talk about their lives out of envy. You do. Enjoy the misery!

[Anonymous]

Nope you won’t miss any of it.
Find some hobbies for yourself ..

As once those kids are adults/college bound .. You’ll be bored.

[Anonymous]

Same girl, same

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

OP here. Yes I work 20 hours a week and frankly it’s the best part of my day.

Ok so your DH is by far the breadwinner. Doesn’t seem fair to complain about his absence when you chose to marry an attorney

When I was 24 I had no clue what a lawyer did or that it was “normal” to work like this. Did you have perfect clarity at 24? My parents worked lower paid jobs that were basically just 40 hours per week. I frankly had no idea then that people worked in offices at 9pm.

Probably not. But if OP is honest she might admit that she has enjoyed the spoils of his hard work through the years.

’


Just eat sht and die, sorry you could neither earn nor attract a higher earner.

Cue your lies about your happiness and your wealth. Liar.

How has that worked out for you? You sure sound happy.

Loser, I have a high-earning, loving spouse and amazing DC. An additional wonderful thing is I don’t have to sht on women trying to talk about their lives out of envy. You do. Enjoy the misery![/quote

Happy and loving! Yes, you show that clearly in each of your posts.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

OP here. Yes I work 20 hours a week and frankly it’s the best part of my day.

Ok so your DH is by far the breadwinner. Doesn’t seem fair to complain about his absence when you chose to marry an attorney

When I was 24 I had no clue what a lawyer did or that it was “normal” to work like this. Did you have perfect clarity at 24? My parents worked lower paid jobs that were basically just 40 hours per week. I frankly had no idea then that people worked in offices at 9pm.

Probably not. But if OP is honest she might admit that she has enjoyed the spoils of his hard work through the years.

’


Just eat sht and die, sorry you could neither earn nor attract a higher earner.

Cue your lies about your happiness and your wealth. Liar.

How has that worked out for you? You sure sound happy.

Loser, I have a high-earning, loving spouse and amazing DC. An additional wonderful thing is I don’t have to sht on women trying to talk about their lives out of envy. You do. Enjoy the misery!

NP but you are derailing the thread and being sucky on the internet so who cares how happy you claim to be? The only evidence we have is that you suck.

[Anonymous]

It gets better once they start driving. Hang in there, OP!

My teens make dinner one night a week and that helps so they develop cooking skills and appreciate the work that goes into putting a meal on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a parenting problem it’s a husband problem. You are articulating it - you are lonely and bored. You’re raising kids alone most of the time and he’s providing the money. I had this type of arrangement when my kids were young and turns out I didn’t like it. I even said what you are saying - I like my husband when I’m with him. I just didn’t want to be raising kids alone. I want to do it with a partner.

We talked about it for years and he finally got out of the job situation (not an attorney). It helped a lot.

To the people saying well don’t marry an attorney. It’s hard to know what it’s going to feel like until you’re in it. I think some people genuinely don’t mind this type of lifestyle. And you love the person so you take the leap of faith.

Not all attorneys work in intense jobs. I went to a T14 and I’ve worked for the federal government my entire career and frankly, being present for my kids and having down time is worth it to me. I’ve never even really felt stressed aside from this year. 😂

I only lasted 5 years at a firm before I moved into the public sector. I don’t practice, I do regulatory work and don’t have very many surprises anymore. But I do still have significant work week expectations as a manager as does my husband who does IT, as well as wknd emergencies. It takes both of us as well as carpooling with all the other parents in our same boat to get it all done. In a lot of ways it takes a village around here.

Regardless of who is responsible for getting the kid to a sport/ortho/doctor I put it on both our calendars. I suggest doing the same and sitting down Sunday night and asking which thing your H thinks he can drive to that week. He should be able to handle one night of coming home at a reasonable time and participating as a parent. That should not all be on you regardless of who is the breadwinner. That is not an unreasonable expectation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What specifically do you need spouse to help with? Can any of that be outsourced so you have more time for yourself?

I’d honestly just like him to keep me company and maybe drive a kid to sports on occasion.

To answer another PP, youngest is 14. So close, but not that close.

What are his hours like?

I feel you. My DH works long hours too and is never here in the evenings, but I enjoy the alone time.

Never done before 7:30, often it’s 9 or later. If I could just chill I’d be okay (but still lonely) but instead I’m schlepping kids, cooking food and cleaning the kitchen.

My kids aren’t “hard” but frankly they are pretty self absorbed which I guess is she appropriate. They aren’t bad company, but they aren’t super interesting company either unless you love TikTok’s and teen drama.

Pp here. Why are you cleaning the kitchen or even cooking food if you don’t want to? Pp here whose DH also works long hours. We hired a full time housekeeper who cooks a few meals a week. She does all the cleaning and most of the dinner cooking. If your DH has been a partner for 14 years in biglaw, you likely can afford this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh it feels like such a slog. Constant driving, listening to vents/dramas/complaints, cooking food no one is around to eat, but then also being constantly asked for takeout food, my evenings don’t really belong to me. I’m simultaneously too busy to do much for myself, yet totally bored and lonely. Spouse works a ton and helps where he can but, ugh. They tell me thanks and that I am appreciated but I don’t actually feel appreciated.

I know I will be sad when they are gone, I know. But is there any way to actually enjoy this? Because I’m not.

I just sent one to college and have a junior who doesn't drive yet. I'm not sad and kind of can't wait for the other one to leave too ; ) teens are HARD. the "second shift" (5-10pm) is relentless. I long for the days everyone was in bed by 7/8pm and I could catch up on my tv shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh it feels like such a slog. Constant driving, listening to vents/dramas/complaints, cooking food no one is around to eat, but then also being constantly asked for takeout food, my evenings don’t really belong to me. I’m simultaneously too busy to do much for myself, yet totally bored and lonely. Spouse works a ton and helps where he can but, ugh. They tell me thanks and that I am appreciated but I don’t actually feel appreciated.

I know I will be sad when they are gone, I know. But is there any way to actually enjoy this? Because I’m not.

I just sent one to college and have a junior who doesn't drive yet. I'm not sad and kind of can't wait for the other one to leave too ; ) teens are HARD. the "second shift" (5-10pm) is relentless. I long for the days everyone was in bed by 7/8pm and I could catch up on my tv shows.

What do you do during the second shift? I ask as a parent of kids who got to bed at 7 who is really enjoying tv show time…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What specifically do you need spouse to help with? Can any of that be outsourced so you have more time for yourself?

I’d honestly just like him to keep me company and maybe drive a kid to sports on occasion.

To answer another PP, youngest is 14. So close, but not that close.

What are his hours like?

I feel you. My DH works long hours too and is never here in the evenings, but I enjoy the alone time.

Never done before 7:30, often it’s 9 or later. If I could just chill I’d be okay (but still lonely) but instead I’m schlepping kids, cooking food and cleaning the kitchen.

My kids aren’t “hard” but frankly they are pretty self absorbed which I guess is she appropriate. They aren’t bad company, but they aren’t super interesting company either unless you love TikTok’s and teen drama.

Pp here. Why are you cleaning the kitchen or even cooking food if you don’t want to? Pp here whose DH also works long hours. We hired a full time housekeeper who cooks a few meals a week. She does all the cleaning and most of the dinner cooking. If your DH has been a partner for 14 years in biglaw, you likely can afford this too.

As long as your DH is in biglaw, these are the hours. They get paid a lot of money to essentially be on call for their clients.

My DH is in biglaw and it was/is a slog where he is just not available in the evenings because of work stuff.

My DH is not going to quit - working hard is just his personality. I finally ended up becoming a SAHP (to kids all in school) because it’s not fun to work all day and then work all night until kids don’t need me anymore. I’m happier now to have some downtime to run errands, go for a walk, etc while kids in school before picking up the afternoon/evening shift with them.

You can afford help, so find some, or use money to make things easier. And being a parent is not usually fun - my kids are amazing, but parenting is not really very fun.