Crying on my lunch break because I’ve realized I’ve seen more of the world than any of my relatives

[Anonymous]

They might be happy that they didn’t hurt the environment.

[Anonymous]

Crying about this is like what annoys me about America right now. What a waste of effort. I would be surprised if your aunt cared about not going to England or South Carolina. This literally had no impact on their lives. Until the 2000s international travel for individuals who were middle class was very rare, I think it still is but social media makes it seem like everyone takes these huge trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are equating happiness with a very narrow viewpoint. Traveling and seeing the world is great for those with wanderlust. Maybe even yourself. But not everyone even wants to travel. Some may get their happiness surrounded by close family with little travel. Some don’t find travel fun. Broaden your perspective on happiness. Some are happy with health. Some are happy to have a child. Some are happy to have a new sofa. Etc.

This is true. We have homebodies and travelers in my family. My husband and I are travelers. Our kids are homebodies. I'm on the last day of vacation in a great city and nobody wants to make a plan for today because they are feeling done with vacationing. I think when the kids are grown and have more autonomy they might convert into travelers but that is a ways away.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked at how narrow minded people are. It is not about OP's family not being able to travel per se. It is about her loved ones never having her the same opportunities that she has now. Never having a chance to experience the things she has. It doesn't matter that maybe they would not have liked traveling. It is that OP loved the experience and loves her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this thread was kind of eye opening. OP shared an experience that showed she is a sentimental and sensitive type of person. I read her OP and could totally relate. There are random moments in life when that sentimentality and nostalgia just hit. And what happens? Posters think there is something wrong with her. Newsflash there is something wrong with you all for apparently never feeling deep emotions.

Then OP shares that she is African American, and whoa, then I guess all criticism is off limits because everything she feels and experiences MUST be the product of institutional racism. Poor OP cannot help but be crazy, it is not her fault!

Seriously people, sometimes is wrong with you all. What OP experienced is perfectly normal. It is call being in touch with yourself and emotions. It was clear from her OP that her family members didn't travel because of circumstances out of their control, like poverty, and not because they just didn't like to travel. That context was enough regardless whether she is black, white, purple.

Some emotions are stupid. Crying because dead people didn't get to go to the beach is one of them.

I guess you have never read great literature or great thinkers. If you did, you would appreciate that great revelations often come from something ordinary and normally insignificant. This is why we can't have nice things anymore today. People freak out with deep emotions and go "omg all the feels!, must go see my therapist, self-medicate and/or distract myself"

[Anonymous]

idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

It feels like you are sad for what society deprived them of. Their full economic and social liberty. I feel sympathy for your grief over this.

Regarding travel. Historically speaking, mass market travel for pleasure is very new. In the 1900s-1940s, even upper middle class people used to go to lectures with films and slideshows about distant travel destinations instead of going anywhere. I went to a couple myself in the 1980s with my grandparents and they loved these talks while I didn't understand why anyone would care to get travel information this way.

Life changes. I feel that older generations had more skills at crafting, making, and community building. Those are also sources of enjoyment. And things we modern people seem to have less of.

[Anonymous]

Travel to me is a must in terms of experiencing life to the fullest. However, some people just don't care to and that's their right. I find that in general, the more you travel the more you want to continue traveling so if you just never want to go anywhere, chances are nothing will motivate you.

My best friend hate to travel. We could not be more different. But I find that I can talk to her about everything where some well travelled folks wouldn't get it. So it's not a sign of intelligence or education or worldliness to travel more. It comes down to the individual.

I also suggest that as someone who has wanderlust and loves beautiful and different places, it's damn annoying to go anywhere these days. Unless it's a specific destination I have very strong feelings to go to, it's so hard to want to make the trek. Having teens makes it easier but it's more $$$. There's a shortlist if where we want to go but logistically considering schedules, seasons, expenses, it's not always feasible and so I think traveling for the sake of it makes no sense. Ultimately, not sure if going to 50 places is more meaningful than exploring a few destinations you really treasure in exploring.

It's a different time now. It used to be hard, then it got better, now it's hard again for different reasons. I cry for all of us with the crowds now!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really respect how African Americans, Palestinians and Jewish people never let go of or let others forget their trauma. In South Asia, you are just suppose of forget trauma and hustle harder to do better in life. Not great for mental health.

Trauma will find a way out. Asians will often abuse their children passively aggressively. at least AA have positive means to express trauma.

Lol are you actually saying Asians abuse their children more than African Americans?

Highly educated Asians you meet in us are not typical Asians.
So Americans learn about world geography? I will give you a pass.

Asia is a big continent which part of Asia are you talking about. You certainly didn’t answer the question as pp pointed out

Am I eligible to answer a question about African Americans?
Why are you asking a rhetorical question 😆 just to point out I am not AA therefore I can’t answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really respect how African Americans, Palestinians and Jewish people never let go of or let others forget their trauma. In South Asia, you are just suppose of forget trauma and hustle harder to do better in life. Not great for mental health.

Trauma will find a way out. Asians will often abuse their children passively aggressively. at least AA have positive means to express trauma.

Lol are you actually saying Asians abuse their children more than African Americans?

Highly educated Asians you meet in us are not typical Asians.
So Americans learn about world geography? I will give you a pass.

NP. You didn’t answer the question.

I don’t answer stupid questions.

[Anonymous]

I felt privileged OP. But I understand how you would feel sad, don't think my great grandparents ever got to go to a beach to see the ocean and they only lived 50 miles away from one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

I get it, OP.

We are immigrants. My family came here with nothing, and my parents worked blue collar jobs their whole lives. Their first time visiting a different country after immigrating here was 30 years later when I had a destination wedding in Europe. They were so happy to have experienced it and said if it wasn't for me having this destination wedding, they would've never gone to Europe.

I've traveled internationally many times to different countries, and I'm super grateful. My parents are now in their 80s/90s, one has dementia, and while they had a harsh life in their earlier years, they did get to experience some travel in their later years after they retired, mostly because we the adult children could afford to help them financially.

I doubt my parents will last much longer, maybe another five years, but I'm grateful that they got to travel a bit. It's more than what they ever expected.

One of my siblings and I have traveled quite a bit. It's also more than we ever expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

This is some important context, OP, and I expect you wouldn't be seeing the same kind of confused/ snarky reaction from PPs if you had included it in your OP.

OP, I heard something on Oprah which may help. “Your crown has been paid for.”

Maybe your ancestors would be happy for you! That there is progress and you are getting to live the life they should have had opportunity to live.

I get it. I’m an international adoptee which means I was an orphan in my home country with no status and born in poverty. I did used to feel guilty that I had privilege. But I found that working toward social justice causes helped. Now I don’t feel guilty about living the life I’ve been given, I try to pay it forward to make the world more equal for all kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

It feels like you are sad for what society deprived them of. Their full economic and social liberty. I feel sympathy for your grief over this.

Regarding travel. Historically speaking, mass market travel for pleasure is very new. In the 1900s-1940s, even upper middle class people used to go to lectures with films and slideshows about distant travel destinations instead of going anywhere. I went to a couple myself in the 1980s with my grandparents and they loved these talks while I didn't understand why anyone would care to get travel information this way.

Life changes. I feel that older generations had more skills at crafting, making, and community building. Those are also sources of enjoyment. And things we modern people seem to have less of.

This. I traveled a lot in my 20s because I thought I wanted to be in international development. But I learned from the communities that I was in that the local people didn’t get why I would leave my home and community to hang out with them. They poured themselves into their families, jobs and communities. Now I see rich people traveling and bragging about it but they don’t have any curiosity or willingness to learn about the cultures where they travel. It’s tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is AA.
Her sadness about historical treatment, segregation, limited opportunities for her older relatives is understandable.

+1 this makes more sense than focusing on their not traveling

My parents are immigrants from a developing country. Much of our family there now is doing well and they travel etc. my grandparents generation definitely not, most never got on a plane. But I don't think they were unhappy or had a sense of missing out. Life was on the upswing in terms of things getting better and the next generation doing better. Life was hard but that was the norm. Not like here where the material standard of living is unimaginably high even for the average person but people are somehow unhappy and most feel like it's not enough.

Being oppressed through segregation and discrimination is a very different experience and harm though.