Crying on my lunch break because I’ve realized I’ve seen more of the world than any of my relatives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

This is some important context, OP, and I expect you wouldn't be seeing the same kind of confused/ snarky reaction from PPs if you had included it in your OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

I get it OP. Several of my relatives availed themselves of many opportunities to travel — both internationally and within the US. They grew up in segregated DC — and went from the segregated schools and stores and buses and trains of their youth, to being able to get on a plane and go to China or Kenya or even Russia — freedoms that they could not imagine would be possible even throughout their early years as adults. My grandmother and uncle bought property in an African American beach community— so that they and their kids and their grandchildren could experience the joys and relative innocence of growing up with a place of relative freedom — instead of the limited recreational opportunities then available in racially segregated DC — which was, itself, far less restrictive then segregated Alabama and Georgia where they were originally from.

For me, my tears actually are holding a lot of rage — that my family, my ancestors worked so hard in a country that didn’t value them and respect them or allow them the freedoms that they should have had access to as human beings. OP, like many of us, you are living your ancestor’s wildest dreams. Your joy is a revolution. I’m sure that they would encourage you to see and experience as much of the world as you can — if only so you can more fully break free from the restrictions that are embedded in your/their/our history and generational consciousness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

survivor guilt

[Anonymous]

OP is AA.
Her sadness about historical treatment, segregation, limited opportunities for her older relatives is understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

No need to feel guilt, life isn't fair and unless we are multimillionaires, we can only do so much about it. If you can't send them all on big trips, take them to a thoughtfully arranged local picnic. If more funds, book a van and an Airbnb house nearest beach for all to enjoy. If God wanted international travel for them, he would've arranged it. If they themselves really wanted it, they would've done something about it. My dad earned same as my uncle but he was responsible and frugal so we always thought of travel as a luxury we couldn't afford. My uncle on other hand was carefree and took his family on international and domestic travels. Yes, he couldn't pay for his children's colleges or his own retirement while my dad did because they had different priorities. I felt deprived as a child but as an adult who got to do a lot of travels later on, I feel my dad made a wise choice.

[Anonymous]

A touch melodramatic

[Anonymous]

Other than privileged most humans are deprived in different ways, no matter by poverty, slavery, racism, colonialism, war, dictatorship, occupation, ethnic cleansing, genocide, natural disasters, diseases, discrimination, accidents, or whatnot.

What's important is to do your level best to make life easier on people around you and support help end injustice by humans on humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A touch melodramatic

May be some but OP clearly needs therapy as generational trauma is a real thing.

[Anonymous]

I really respect how African Americans, Palestinians and Jewish people never let go of or let others forget their trauma. In South Asia, you are just suppose of forget trauma and hustle harder to do better in life. Not great for mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

Are you sure it's guilt OP? Or just melancholy and nostalgia for family members missed?

Op here. I feel emotional also when they talk about how segregated things were for them and how life was even at the times when they were my age. We are AA. They were all in the South their entire lives - deep VA and NC.

This is some important context, OP, and I expect you wouldn't be seeing the same kind of confused/ snarky reaction from PPs if you had included it in your OP.

I posted the pregnancy comment and happen to be a POC and have grandparents who were immigrants, some that never became citizens. I’m sorry if I came off as snarky or insensitive, it wasn’t my intention. I really did cry at everything when I was pregnant and am very emotional and reflective again in menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that I should be sad but I’ve just started traveling in my adult years. I’m almost 40 and many of my family members are in their 70s, 80s, 90s now and never had the opportunity or financial means to travel.

I’ve only been to England and every state on the East Coast so far — so nothing terribly exciting but more than any of them have ever been able to.

I think of the family that died like my father and grandmother without ever going to the beach. Simple things I take for granted maybe?

Not sure what type of guilt I’m feeling but I am feeling it today.

So take them with you on some trips.

Or else keep flexing on them and bragging about your vacation travels. Either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A touch melodramatic

A touch callous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really respect how African Americans, Palestinians and Jewish people never let go of or let others forget their trauma. In South Asia, you are just suppose of forget trauma and hustle harder to do better in life. Not great for mental health.

Trauma will find a way out. Asians will often abuse their children passively aggressively. at least AA have positive means to express trauma.

[Anonymous]

I lived overseas for a number of years. My husband traveled for work for many years, globally.

Unless you live in a different country for a substantial amount of time- work there, travel there, engage there, etc , you are basically spending a ton of $$ just to have dinner in some other country, this after using a surprising amount of environmental resources in order to do that. I'm not sure what you've gained over someone else who hasn't hiked in Norway, or posdibly hasn't seen the Edinburgh Tatoo. Or made pasta in Italy. Or whatever.

Many people have full lives within their own environment, rich with family, people, a job, connections, and family. You aren't better, more privileged, or even more cosmopolitan than anyone. You just have room on your credit card and lots time. When you are in a village in Greece (or wherever) looking at the YiaYias having coffee together in their shirtdresses and calloused feet,laughing and talking, realize that you are taking their picture as something exotic for you, but they probably have never left, nor will ever leave that village to travel to your suburban vinyl coated houses and find that remotely interesting. They raised whole families, live on a fraction of what you require, sustainably, and their world is people. They could teach everyone what true life is.

Bloom where you grow.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it helps, they may not have cared too much. If their family was close/happy and they had their health, this was probably more exciting to them. I do understand the 'loss of opportunity' feeling though for them. All you can do is pay it forward.