I hate forced family events.

[Anonymous]

Op, how is your relationship with your actual parents? Who is pressuring you to attend these events?

I love spending time with family. My 1st cousins, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles more than extended family. I also spend a lot of time with friends.

Is it possible your family is closer to each other than you are to them? Im skeptical of these things being forced or fake. Are they just trying to make you feel included? Who calls you a jerk if you don't go? Is some of this in your head. Just don't go if you don't enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your relationship with your actual parents? Who is pressuring you to attend these events?

I love spending time with family. My 1st cousins, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles more than extended family. I also spend a lot of time with friends.

Is it possible your family is closer to each other than you are to them? Im skeptical of these things being forced or fake. Are they just trying to make you feel included? Who calls you a jerk if you don't go? Is some of this in your head. Just don't go if you don't enjoy.

It is not that complicated. Even though op is related to these people, sounds like op does not have anything in common with them and if they were not related they would not be people she would be friends with either. So she is wondering why some people feel obligated to spend their free time with someone just because you share dna when there are no other interests.I agree that op should not go.

[Anonymous]

I see my family about this often (2-3 times a year), and I love it. No one is faking anything, as far as I know. In the interim, we talk on the phone, share photos, etc. Of course we know each other. Infrequent would be relatives you see once every 5-10 years and never talk to in between.

As for “making your own family” with friends, that’s nice if it works for some people, but most people are not going to stick around for decades and decades with no actual family connection. Friends tend to come and go with seasons of our lives. Family, ideally, will always be there.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to “say” anything about feeling this way?

You are allowed to not attend these events, without saying anything. And you don’t even have to post about it. I know in both cases, you won’t get the attention you seek, but still.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of pressure to see family over the summer, or to attend a graduation or celebrate a birthday or anniversary.
My family has a lot of difficult personality types. It's not that I don't care about them, but I find it very taxing to be subject to their judgments and criticism, and it takes me a long time to recover.
I noticed one brother (ironically, one of the most difficult family members) just doesn't come. Once in a while he'll show up at Thanksgiving--the easiest holiday; no gifts and it's just one day. Wise.
Skip it, OP. If there are people you care about, try to meet them one-on-one in a place you'd like to visit anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are lots of threads on here about this. Make the family you want with your friends. My siblings have stopped visiting (I live near the hometown) and nobody visits them either. We might get a grown niece or nephew passing through so it's not total estrangement - it's just a mutual... "not interested".... it's very freeing.

Sad

Why sad?

If you have to ask . . .

Yes, I am asking. So why sad? Of course it does not sound like you can articulate an answer. No surprise there. Go away if you can’t add to the thread.

Not the PP above this but ... it's very sad that you find it freeing to have no connection to people who to many are considered loved ones.

How dare you dictate that someone who declares themselves to feel free and content actually feels sad. I guess you are god the one who judges all now?

[Anonymous]

This is where being married to someone with Asperger personality is so great. DH’s have several relatives who are very pushy and manipulative. It goes right past him and he doesn’t even blink at all their contortions to get us to do or go where they want. He just says no and moves on. I had a hard time at first politely declining their requests because they caught that I wanted to be gracious and not rude. If they smell the slightest whiff of people pleasing they will pounce! Once I learned NTGAF, it’s been bliss. They can contort themselves into pretzels but we aren’t doing anything we don’t want just because they think we should. Nope, not happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is where being married to someone with Asperger personality is so great. DH’s have several relatives who are very pushy and manipulative. It goes right past him and he doesn’t even blink at all their contortions to get us to do or go where they want. He just says no and moves on. I had a hard time at first politely declining their requests because they caught that I wanted to be gracious and not rude. If they smell the slightest whiff of people pleasing they will pounce! Once I learned NTGAF, it’s been bliss. They can contort themselves into pretzels but we aren’t doing anything we don’t want just because they think we should. Nope, not happening.

Your DH is 👍

[Anonymous]

No, you don’t hate forced family events you just hate your family. Figure out how to deal with that. Just don’t go and I’m sure you won’t be missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are lots of threads on here about this. Make the family you want with your friends. My siblings have stopped visiting (I live near the hometown) and nobody visits them either. We might get a grown niece or nephew passing through so it's not total estrangement - it's just a mutual... "not interested".... it's very freeing.

Sad

Why sad?

If you have to ask . . .

Yes, I am asking. So why sad? Of course it does not sound like you can articulate an answer. No surprise there. Go away if you can’t add to the thread.

Not the PP above this but ... it's very sad that you find it freeing to have no connection to people who to many are considered loved ones.

How dare you dictate that someone who declares themselves to feel free and content actually feels sad. I guess you are god the one who judges all now?

She never said that. She said SHE thinks it’s sad, and she has as much of a right to feel sad as the other poster has the right to feel free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are lots of threads on here about this. Make the family you want with your friends. My siblings have stopped visiting (I live near the hometown) and nobody visits them either. We might get a grown niece or nephew passing through so it's not total estrangement - it's just a mutual... "not interested".... it's very freeing.

Sad

Why sad?

If you have to ask . . .

Yes, I am asking. So why sad? Of course it does not sound like you can articulate an answer. No surprise there. Go away if you can’t add to the thread.

Not the PP above this but ... it's very sad that you find it freeing to have no connection to people who to many are considered loved ones.

How dare you dictate that someone who declares themselves to feel free and content actually feels sad. I guess you are god the one who judges all now?

She never said that. She said SHE thinks it’s sad, and she has as much of a right to feel sad as the other poster has the right to feel free.

Wow. There sure are a lot of sad people responding on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I suspect you have a family like mine, OP-lots of dysfunctional dynamics and a need to pretend you are one big loving extended family. When I get together with people where there is genuine connection it doesn't feel forced. Try reducing the amount of events you attend to see if you can find a comfort zone. Only problem is, if your family is really dysfunctional there will be guilt trips and manipulations that force you to either get sucked in or reduce more or even take a break.

[Anonymous]

Be selfish with how you spend your time. ..Stop attending and pretending.