I hate forced family events.

[Anonymous]

I know I’ll likely feel attacked for feeling this way, but I’m tired of “wasting” precious free time getting together with family I only see 1-3 times a year. Everyone gets together and acts like it’s this grand event, but it’s always awkward and we don’t know anything about each other. I know more about coworkers, and I don’t even see them outside of work.

Why do we do this? It feels so forced and fake. Why am I supposed to pretend we are so close or that we are so happy to be together, but then nothing the rest of the year? But if I say I want to quit these relationships and focus my time on people closer to me, I’m a jerk.

[Anonymous]

You sound fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound fun.

I am? With people I care about. I guess I’m tying to understand why, just because I share DNA with someone, they should be more important than the people who actually make an impact in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I’ll likely feel attacked for feeling this way, but I’m tired of “wasting” precious free time getting together with family I only see 1-3 times a year. Everyone gets together and acts like it’s this grand event, but it’s always awkward and we don’t know anything about each other. I know more about coworkers, and I don’t even see them outside of work.

Why do we do this? It feels so forced and fake. Why am I supposed to pretend we are so close or that we are so happy to be together, but then nothing the rest of the year? But if I say I want to quit these relationships and focus my time on people closer to me, I’m a jerk.

One year you skip 1. The next year you skip 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound fun.

I am? With people I care about. I guess I’m tying to understand why, just because I share DNA with someone, they should be more important than the people who actually make an impact in my life.

It’s a two way street. Maybe if you were a good enough person to “care about” your family it would have been reciprocated and you’d be a happier person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound fun.

I am? With people I care about. I guess I’m tying to understand why, just because I share DNA with someone, they should be more important than the people who actually make an impact in my life.

It’s a two way street. Maybe if you were a good enough person to “care about” your family it would have been reciprocated and you’d be a happier person.

What if it’s not reciprocated? I think the issue is the pretending everyone is a big, happy family, and you’re a jerk if you don’t play along. It’s all for show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound fun.

I am? With people I care about. I guess I’m tying to understand why, just because I share DNA with someone, they should be more important than the people who actually make an impact in my life.

You sound even worse now. If it bothers you that you get together with people three times a year that you don't know very well, then get to know them better. You are a shrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound fun.

I am? With people I care about. I guess I’m tying to understand why, just because I share DNA with someone, they should be more important than the people who actually make an impact in my life.

You sound even worse now. If it bothers you that you get together with people three times a year that you don't know very well, then get to know them better. You are a shrew.

OP, ignore this person.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy our big extended family get together. There's one big holiday we celebrate annually and also weddings and funerals. Weddings are actually more fun than funerals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I’ll likely feel attacked for feeling this way, but I’m tired of “wasting” precious free time getting together with family I only see 1-3 times a year. Everyone gets together and acts like it’s this grand event, but it’s always awkward and we don’t know anything about each other. I know more about coworkers, and I don’t even see them outside of work.

Why do we do this? It feels so forced and fake. Why am I supposed to pretend we are so close or that we are so happy to be together, but then nothing the rest of the year? But if I say I want to quit these relationships and focus my time on people closer to me, I’m a jerk.

I don't understand. The purpose of spending time together is to get to know each other better.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are lots of threads on here about this. Make the family you want with your friends. My siblings have stopped visiting (I live near the hometown) and nobody visits them either. We might get a grown niece or nephew passing through so it's not total estrangement - it's just a mutual... "not interested".... it's very freeing.

[Anonymous]

OP you just come across as really whiny and defensive and also a poor communicator.

What's problematic about these events? Is it the behavior of some family members? If so, in what way?

Is it that you have to travel to them, And that takes up vacation time and budget you'd plan to spend differently?

Do you have kids and do they have cousins there? If so is there value (if they enjoy it and bond) even beyond your perspective?

Can't you just attend fewer if you hate it so much for some unspecified reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound fun.

I am? With people I care about. I guess I’m tying to understand why, just because I share DNA with someone, they should be more important than the people who actually make an impact in my life.

It’s a two way street. Maybe if you were a good enough person to “care about” your family it would have been reciprocated and you’d be a happier person.

What if it’s not reciprocated? I think the issue is the pretending everyone is a big, happy family, and you’re a jerk if you don’t play along. It’s all for show.

Consider that the other people aren't pretending. Maybe open your heart a bit to the possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I’ll likely feel attacked for feeling this way, but I’m tired of “wasting” precious free time getting together with family I only see 1-3 times a year. Everyone gets together and acts like it’s this grand event, but it’s always awkward and we don’t know anything about each other. I know more about coworkers, and I don’t even see them outside of work.

Why do we do this? It feels so forced and fake. Why am I supposed to pretend we are so close or that we are so happy to be together, but then nothing the rest of the year? But if I say I want to quit these relationships and focus my time on people closer to me, I’m a jerk.

One year you skip 1. The next year you skip 2.

Third year no one misses you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are lots of threads on here about this. Make the family you want with your friends. My siblings have stopped visiting (I live near the hometown) and nobody visits them either. We might get a grown niece or nephew passing through so it's not total estrangement - it's just a mutual... "not interested".... it's very freeing.

+1

Realizing that you're allowed to spend your time as you wish is good.