Could you tell when you were younger that your parents hated being a parent? How obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I figured out that my father didn't want kids when I was around 8. He never wanted anything to do with us , ate our food off our plates, and basically acted like we were competition for my mom's attention. Never in my life did my father say good night to us, read to us, help us with homework, or take us anywhere solo.
If this ever comes up my mom gets very prickly and says "But he was a good provider." As opposed to my husband who doesn't make enough money for her standards but is a hands on dad.

My dad also competed with me for my mom's attention, even as a baby, as well as in everything else. I've never heard anyone else have that issue, but it's been like that my whole life. He's always competed with me over everything.

Very strange indeed for a father to resent his daughters. I ended up getting a higher SAT score than my dad and he was livid and listed reasons why it must have been a fluke. As opposed to being happy for one's own offspring.
He was very happy when I got a full ride to college though! He cashed out the 529 and treated himself to a new sports car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

As evidenced in the post right above this. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

As evidenced in the post right above this. Sad.

Not that sad. Not everyone was pretty like you to score a spouse who can provide.

We don’t want to die alone either.

[Anonymous]

My dad would sometimes mutter, "damn kids, wish I never had any kids" so that clued me in. Not sure how old I was but he died when I was 12 so younger than that.

My mom thought she liked being a parent, but in hindsight, I feel like she kind of checked out once we hit like 2nd grade. She loves babies, toddlers, little kids. I was the most boring teen in the world and didnt need a whole lot of parenting, but something would have been nice. Her main concern was that I not be fat so I guess I can probably give her credit for my college era eating disorder.

DH had a similarly rudderless upbringing so we both went into parenting kind of clueless, but made sure our kids always felt loved and cared for, even if we weren't always perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

Yes, it’d be preferable for the kids to not be in summer camp and just sitting around the house? Maybe watching tv? Structured time with a peer group is not letting your kids go by the wayside you weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was obvious and very painful. We are estranged now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

Yes, it’d be preferable for the kids to not be in summer camp and just sitting around the house? Maybe watching tv? Structured time with a peer group is not letting your kids go by the wayside you weirdo.

Nice touch. You sound like a lovely person and I'm sure you are a great parent too.

[Anonymous]

My mom told me, but only once, that having children ruined her marriage. But my oldest sibling was born only a few months after they got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad would sometimes mutter, "damn kids, wish I never had any kids" so that clued me in. Not sure how old I was but he died when I was 12 so younger than that.

My mom thought she liked being a parent, but in hindsight, I feel like she kind of checked out once we hit like 2nd grade. She loves babies, toddlers, little kids. I was the most boring teen in the world and didnt need a whole lot of parenting, but something would have been nice. Her main concern was that I not be fat so I guess I can probably give her credit for my college era eating disorder.

DH had a similarly rudderless upbringing so we both went into parenting kind of clueless, but made sure our kids always felt loved and cared for, even if we weren't always perfect.

That is awful. I'm so sorry, PP.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

Yes, it’d be preferable for the kids to not be in summer camp and just sitting around the house? Maybe watching tv? Structured time with a peer group is not letting your kids go by the wayside you weirdo.

Very young kids should be home with parent during summer. But 12 year old should absolutely go to camp, spend time outside and have fun with friends.

[Anonymous]

All the time. My mom would often say out loud “I hate kids” or “I hate having children”

Not just once or twice, multiple times a month, every month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I first felt it in 1st grade. I was upset about not being cast in the school play but my brother was, and there wasn’t time to find me a dress for Christmas. And instead of comforting me or trying to cheerfully make the best of it, I could tell my mom was just mad that I had feelings. Later she would not keep enough food in the house and would make me sit next to her while she paid bills and let me know how much she resented the expenses.

She took to napping for 2 hours after work every day all throughout middle school and high school and that was her way of checking out of parenting.

Where was your father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

Yes, it’d be preferable for the kids to not be in summer camp and just sitting around the house? Maybe watching tv? Structured time with a peer group is not letting your kids go by the wayside you weirdo.

Very young kids should be home with parent during summer. But 12 year old should absolutely go to camp, spend time outside and have fun with friends.

Hilarious. You think only 12 year olds and older should be going to camps in the summer? This board is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

Yes, it’d be preferable for the kids to not be in summer camp and just sitting around the house? Maybe watching tv? Structured time with a peer group is not letting your kids go by the wayside you weirdo.

Very young kids should be home with parent during summer. But 12 year old should absolutely go to camp, spend time outside and have fun with friends.

Hilarious. You think only 12 year olds and older should be going to camps in the summer? This board is insane.

You have great reading comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could tell my parents prioritized work, 100%.

The strangest part about that is that I was a fully planned child.

Yet I would be forced to go to school sick, because neither wanted to miss work. I was sent to school with the chicken pox. My mom sent me, telling me to tell them it was mosquito bites if they asked! I remember sleeping in the counselor’s office in high school when I had the flu, because my parents weren’t available to pick me up. One time I threw up in the hallway in third grade and HAD to be picked up, and I recall feeling so guilty about it.

My parents never came to any school event ever. I was the kid searching out into the audience, disappointed as usual. In high school my mom came to one final performance, and then complained about it afterwards.

Logistics were always a problem. They complained constantly about who was going to watch me, or pick me up, or take me here or there, because they couldn’t miss work, HUGE assignment, whatever. I always felt like a burden and afterthought.

This makes me sad and I see it all around us. I bet a lot of upper middle class kids feel this way. They are exhausted from going from home to school to after care,summer camps. Never any down time. And their parents are proud that they maintained their careers while "being a parent." No you didn't. Something had to go by the wayside and it was your kids.

Yes, it’d be preferable for the kids to not be in summer camp and just sitting around the house? Maybe watching tv? Structured time with a peer group is not letting your kids go by the wayside you weirdo.

Very young kids should be home with parent during summer. But 12 year old should absolutely go to camp, spend time outside and have fun with friends.

Hilarious. You think only 12 year olds and older should be going to camps in the summer? This board is insane.

You have great reading comprehension skills.

The poster said 12 year olds should absolutely go to camp but younger kids should stay home with their parents. It’s lunacy, but there’s nothing being missed. Thanks for your concern about my reading comprehension. Maybe you should work on it since the plain letters on the page were confusing?