How would you approach this in college essay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on DC's growth in empathy and community-building (with the LGBTQ+ friendship as only one example of how they learned to connect across differences).

This story could (potentially) make for a thoughtful diversity essay if approached with the right (soft) touch (which might be hard to do well without an editor). There might be something beautiful in how DC learned about friendship and belonging through a chance or unexpected connections.

What might make this compelling:
The heart of the essay lies in DC's movement from 'outsider' to someone who understands what it means to be 'welcomed' or 'included'. Being new taught DC to notice other people who might be sitting on the fringe/at the edges, waiting for someone to see them. Imo, this isn't really about any particular (diverse) community. It's about learning that connection/being seen/real friendship happens only if we stop making assumptions about who 'belongs'.

How to tell this story so it doesn't offend:
- Start with the rawness of being new.
- Let readers feel what it's like to walk into a cafeteria where every table seems closed off, where conversations pause or stop entirely when you approach (that feeling of not knowing where you fit is something most people remember well)
- When you write about the friendships that formed, make sure they feel mutual: DC didn't just find acceptance. DC found friends who saw something worth knowing in return. Show what DC brought to these relationships, not just what DC received (it has to be two-way - and you need to explain the "why").
- The larger story here is about how being excluded teaches you to include others - now and in the future. Maybe now DC learned to spot the kids who eat lunch alone, or figured out how to make space for different voices in group projects or even in certain ECs.
- The question for the essay becomes: how did this experience change the way DC moves through the world?

What to watch out for:
Don't let it sound like DC is borrowing someone else's story or struggle. Avoid positioning DC as the person who saved anyone, or anyone as the person who saved DC. Keep the focus on perspective and values rather than claiming a kind of diversity that isn't DC's to claim.

The best version of this essay will feel like it's about growing up and learning to build the kind of community DC wishes had been there from the start.

Yes. Agree wholeheartedly with at least some version of this, OP. Ignore the haters.

The haters are of course right that the essay CANNOT be the story of how I, a non-LGBTQ kid met LGBTQ kids, and -- see? diversity!
Just like it couldn't be a story of how I, a white kid, became friends with black kids, and -- yeah no that obviously cannot be the essay.

However, this could be good or even great if DC is a good writer and really works through his actual real experience in a thoughtful way.

How does it matter -- if at all -- that the non-cliquey kids were lgbtq students?
What kind of community is DC seeking in college, who is he as a community member?
What did he learn about people, values, connections, what he needs, what he has to offer?

It might be an essay about outside to inclusion, as PP thoughtfully suggested. It might be about allyship. It might be about how the value he perceives in strong identity communities is that actually it stops being about identity and starts being about people. It might be about confronting biases--but it might just be about staying open to surprises and finding what works, even something you wouldn't have predicted in advance.

How they should approach this is 100% the right question--as it is for all essays. And the answer really depends on the student, their genuine experiences, and their actual insights.

[akolle]

Hi!

I'm a college essay consultant, and if I were working with your child, I would steer them away from this topic. Admissions officers want to make sure your child will be able to thrive at their school—including an essay about social exclusion could be considered a red flag. In addition, your proposed topic doesn't actually highlight any diversity, nor does it show any tangible growth.

A lot of families get stuck on the diversity/community essay, but I have yet to meet a student who can't write something both compelling and true to their identity. If you'd like to discuss this—or any other—essay in more detail, feel free to reach out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC transferred in 9th grade to a private high school. Many existing students were cliquey and didn’t want to interact with new students. But their lgbtq students were open so DC made friends in their circle although DC themselves is not self-identified as lgbtq. We're happy to see that because this experience made DC a more authentic and kind person. Is this a good topic for diversity essay in college application? Would it backfire? How would you approach (or not) this?

There are 2 ways to do this.

1. Explain a time when your kid felt "othered", and how it made them feel. Show (don't tell) how it made kid open up to different people and experiences. Now kid wants to bring that thing that had first made DC feel othered to xyz school, where DC will learn/accept/champion those who are both similar and different than DC by doing xyz. This is the more traditional route by talking about specific examples of when DC was excluded or microaggressions the kid has faced, that's now made DC more empathetic and someone who stands up for others by doing abc - and that's what DC brings to campus.

or

2. It's about your kid's own experiences and how they have shaped DC and what they'll bring to campus. don't think about diversity LITERALLY. That's a TRAP. Any unique hobbies or life experiences? go outside the box. nowhere does it say you have to "identify" with a marginalized group. You can write about anything (being part of a super affectionate loving family; having a long bus commute to school daily; being a member of a religious community that is super observant (or not at all), being a knitter, being a thrifter or dumpster diver etc)....

#2 is literally the AN strategy.

[Anonymous]

the real way to approach this depends on the prompt, first of all. Because IME rule #1 is to answer the question -- both the implicit and explicit question.

Here is a list chat gpt compiled:

✅ Examples of Real College Supplemental Essay Prompts (Diversity / Identity / Community)
1. Duke University (2023-2024)
"We seek a diverse student body that embodies the wide range of human experience. Please share a perspective you bring or experiences you’ve had to help us understand you better—perhaps related to your family, culture, race, gender, sexuality, religion, or life experiences." (250 words)

2. University of Southern California (USC, 2023-2024)
"Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests and why you want to explore them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections."
Then, in a separate short-response section:
"USC students value diversity, equity, and inclusion. Describe how you might contribute to these values at USC." (250 words)

3. Brown University (2023-2024)
"Students at Brown value the school's culture of open curriculum and collaborative learning. Brown’s students care deeply about their communities, and they are committed to making a difference. Tell us about a community you are part of. How has it shaped you, and what contributions have you made to that community?" (250 words)

4. Pomona College (2023-2024)
"Pomona is committed to fostering a community where everyone feels that they belong. Tell us about an experience when you felt like you belonged—and one when you felt like you didn’t. What did you learn from those experiences?" (250 words)

5. Rice University (2023-2024)
"Rice is strengthened by its diverse community of learning and discovery that produces leaders across the spectrum of human endeavor. What perspectives, experiences, or challenges have shaped you and what unique contributions would you bring to the Rice community?" (500 words)

6. Tufts University (2023-2024)
"How have the environments or experiences of your upbringing—your family, home, neighborhood, or community—shaped the person you are today?" (200-250 words)


Note that these are not all really asking the same thing. Duke, for example, is obviously saying, Hey if you have a hook, this is where to mention it. Either way, please be interesting and thoughtful! Brown is explicitly not doing this: They really actually want to know about meaningful connections -- hooked or not-- and leadership qualities and experience. Rice and Tufts explicitly ask about what "shaped you," and want students to show a through line from past experience to present experience / future trajectories.

DC's experience could be interesting to explore for Pomona's essay -- we can't really know whether or not yet, based on what OP shared. But where the quesiton asks about the student's upbringing or background, this wouldn't seem like a great fit.

hope this helps, OP!