Dealing with a totally unhinged person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many of you (I assume grown adults) suggesting passive aggressive behavior? It’s childish and wrong.

No, it’s childish to drag your friends through drama like this over basically nothing. I will not have dramatic people like this in my life, it isn’t worth it. I would not bother making the fade slow and just be done with her.

They can both be childish. The friend's behavior sounds very immature, but the suggestion that you deal with immature behavior by being two-faced or passive aggressive is just avoidant and similarly immature.

I've noticed that often people who are highly reactive wind up in friendships with people who are avoidant, and it's always a mess. There's a tendency to 100% blame the reactive person (who absolutely is engaging in immature behavior) but the truth is that both sides are to blame.

In a functional, mature relationship, people are honest with each other and also have control over their emotions. None of the women in this scenario are behaving in a very adult way.

I totally disagree. It’s completely normal for someone who has faded out of a group not to be included after a while. The woman’s reaction was over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is mentally ill, OP. There are a few diagnoses that could fit that sort of behavior. The problem is that it's self-fulfilling - the more paranoid and delusional she becomes, the less people will want to include her. The intensity of her reaction likely indicates that this has happened to her in the past, and she's probably lost friends before... but she can't help herself (that's the mental illness part).

With what qualifications are you diagnosing this woman as "mentally ill?" Are you a psychiatrist that sees this woman as a patient? And you are now actually sharing your diagnosis with the entire internet?

All you know is that OP has said she is "totally unhinged" and that she has called the friends expressing her pain of being left out. We have no idea how OP and her friends have reacted or responded to the "accusations."

eliciting a reaction in other people that you are “unhinged” is pathognomic of BPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who feels empathy for the friend left out? You don’t say why she isn’t always in touch. Does she have a busy job or something that keeps her out of touch? Does she consider you her friend group? If so, of course she would feel very hurt to be excluded. It was a party, not a small intimate dinner, so I assume the headcount wasn’t an issue. And you are accusing her of being unhinged. You all sound like a horrible group of so called friends. Maybe this woman is better off without you.

You aren't the only one.

I do not think we are getting the whole story. So OP and the other women in this group are all totally reasonable and blameless, and they randomly have one friend who is just crazy and impossible to deal with? Nope. I've been around long enough to know that's never how it works.

It kind of is how it works though.

Says who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who feels empathy for the friend left out? You don’t say why she isn’t always in touch. Does she have a busy job or something that keeps her out of touch? Does she consider you her friend group? If so, of course she would feel very hurt to be excluded. It was a party, not a small intimate dinner, so I assume the headcount wasn’t an issue. And you are accusing her of being unhinged. You all sound like a horrible group of so called friends. Maybe this woman is better off without you.

You aren't the only one.

I do not think we are getting the whole story. So OP and the other women in this group are all totally reasonable and blameless, and they randomly have one friend who is just crazy and impossible to deal with? Nope. I've been around long enough to know that's never how it works.

It kind of is how it works though.

Says who?

Anyone who has encountered a person with BPD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting that people are convinced this friend is borderline based on OP's description, but no one has flagged that OP claims she is having trouble sleeping over this. That's a huge overreaction to a friend being upset with a group of people for a non-invite. Unless the friend has been texting constantly or has yelled at OP, why would she lose sleep over this?

Well, OP has insight that her reaction is a projection based on her past experiences and is likely out of proportion. She says as much. That is the difference between BPD and other types of mental health issues. BPD is characterized by intense distortions of the facts when the person feels rejected, so much so that the “borderline” refers to “borderline psychosis.” If you have been powerless to get away from this in past (like OP) it can be really jarring and upsetting to encounter it again. This woman appears to be mounting an entire Spanish Inquisition over one party and it is throwing OP off. That is why I (as also subjected to a BPD parent) advise OP to just stay the ffffff away and not interact (either with the crazy lady or rest of the group trying to appease her).