Getting kids (almost 3 and almost 5) to actually listen to books being read

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started reading to my kids from the time they were newborns while nursing them. They are trained to relax and sit or lie still when I am reading to them.

This may not help the OP, but hopefully other new moms should read to their kids, twice a day, and show them the pictures, so the kids learn to love being read to.

Please be quiet. Bless your heart.

OP, I have a kid who was like this and to some extent is still like this. She does have some special needs (sensory processing disorder, potentially a mild form of ASD though diagnosis has been split on that and most people don't interpret her behavior as autism, more as just being "quirky"). I only have one kid, so not all of my advice below will work for you, but I do think some of this you could adapt for your situation or it might give you an idea that would help you figure out a solution that works for you:

- Schedule 15 minutes of very physical activity at bedtime. Pillow fight, relay race, gymnastics on or in the yard, dance party, etc. I think parents resist doing stuff like this because they think "you should be settling down, this will rile you up." But some kids really need the sensory experience of being aggressively physical before they CAN settle down.

- Post-dinner trips to the playground also work, if you have one very close by. Dinner at 5 or 5:30, an hour at the playground, then bath is a good routine for this kind of kid that will help them settle.

- As she's gotten older, the playground trips have been replaced by activities. The best one is swimming. Swimming is so freaking exhausting. I know a lot of parents prefer weekend swim lessons but I swear by weeknight lessons because they tend to produce a calmer kid and a great nights sleep. We also do dance class and Girls on the Run on weekdays.

- For non-bedtime reading, I would sometimes lean into her active mode. Would your kids be interested in acting out the books you read? Mine did this a lot when younger. We'd let her pick a costume from the costume bin and she'd use stuffed animals as props or other characters, and she'd act out entire books. It ensures she's listening but gives her a reason to be up and moving around.

- Along the same lines, giving her a "part" in the book can engage her more. When younger, you do this with familiar books where she knows all the lines, and then she has to pay attention so she knows when to say her lines. As she got older, she'd read her part. My recommendation for this activity is books by Mo Willems, especially the Elephant & Piggie books, which are all dialogue and even color code the dialogue so it's easy for kids to know when each character is speaking.

- Alternatively, choose more complex books that require closer attention to follow (as opposed to familiar picture books). I started reading chapter books like Stuart Little to DD when she was 4. Having to follow a more complex story and only being able to read a chapter or two each night helped her to engage and focus. If you only read short, easy books, some kids figure out they can follow what's happening without having to sit still and really pay attention. So make it harder.

- Someone else mentioned reading in the bath. We did this a lot. Also when we took car trips I often read to her in the car. Reading to her at moments when she was a captive (and still) audience helped her build some endurance, I think.

- Story podcasts. We'd do these during her quiet time in the afternoon instead of music (she dropped her nap early but I enforced a quiet time until she started K.

In summary, different kids have different needs. Some kids easily acquiesce to sitting quietly and listening to books. Others might have unmet physical needs that make this very hard. I had to experiment to figure out what worked. But guess what, my kid is 9 now and my spouse and I still read chapter books to her every night and most nights she lays quietly next to me. She's also a phenomenal reader who just devours books and we go to the library multiple times a week. But sometimes she still chooses to be active while we're reading. Sometimes she'll draw or play with a sticker book. Other times she'll sit on the floor of her room and do her ballet stretches while I read. She's listening. But sometimes she needs to be doing something with her hands or body at the same time, and I've learned this is just who she is and it's okay. Plenty of adults are like this too, it turns out.

[Anonymous]

Are you reading before bed? Create wind-down time: brush teeth, bath (use calming lavender scented products), then when they are in their PJs, and calm, read books when they are in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are home with all day long and the only time you read to them is at bedtime? That seems odd to me. Read to them in the morning, read to them when you take them to the library (you take them to the library, right??), read to them while they're eating breakfast or lunch, read to them before or after nap time. I mean, ANY TIME, OP. Geez!

Also, where are you getting books and what are you reading them? At those ages, my kids LOVED books. There are so many amazing options!

They dont nap
They run around the library
I have thought about reading at breakfast but I seem to barely keep on top of the requests for more milk etc. It would be literally 5 minutes

It sounds like you need to work on your parenting skills, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion, but if it’s not working for you it’s okay to stop for a while. They’ll still learn to read and stuff.

There are hundreds of studies about how literacy starts early and that children who are read to at home have better outcomes than children whose parents don't read to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started reading to my kids from the time they were newborns while nursing them. They are trained to relax and sit or lie still when I am reading to them.

This may not help the OP, but hopefully other new moms should read to their kids, twice a day, and show them the pictures, so the kids learn to love being read to.

Please be quiet. Bless your heart.

OP, I have a kid who was like this and to some extent is still like this. She does have some special needs (sensory processing disorder, potentially a mild form of ASD though diagnosis has been split on that and most people don't interpret her behavior as autism, more as just being "quirky"). I only have one kid, so not all of my advice below will work for you, but I do think some of this you could adapt for your situation or it might give you an idea that would help you figure out a solution that works for you:

- Schedule 15 minutes of very physical activity at bedtime. Pillow fight, relay race, gymnastics on or in the yard, dance party, etc. I think parents resist doing stuff like this because they think "you should be settling down, this will rile you up." But some kids really need the sensory experience of being aggressively physical before they CAN settle down.

- Post-dinner trips to the playground also work, if you have one very close by. Dinner at 5 or 5:30, an hour at the playground, then bath is a good routine for this kind of kid that will help them settle.

- As she's gotten older, the playground trips have been replaced by activities. The best one is swimming. Swimming is so freaking exhausting. I know a lot of parents prefer weekend swim lessons but I swear by weeknight lessons because they tend to produce a calmer kid and a great nights sleep. We also do dance class and Girls on the Run on weekdays.

- For non-bedtime reading, I would sometimes lean into her active mode. Would your kids be interested in acting out the books you read? Mine did this a lot when younger. We'd let her pick a costume from the costume bin and she'd use stuffed animals as props or other characters, and she'd act out entire books. It ensures she's listening but gives her a reason to be up and moving around.

- Along the same lines, giving her a "part" in the book can engage her more. When younger, you do this with familiar books where she knows all the lines, and then she has to pay attention so she knows when to say her lines. As she got older, she'd read her part. My recommendation for this activity is books by Mo Willems, especially the Elephant & Piggie books, which are all dialogue and even color code the dialogue so it's easy for kids to know when each character is speaking.

- Alternatively, choose more complex books that require closer attention to follow (as opposed to familiar picture books). I started reading chapter books like Stuart Little to DD when she was 4. Having to follow a more complex story and only being able to read a chapter or two each night helped her to engage and focus. If you only read short, easy books, some kids figure out they can follow what's happening without having to sit still and really pay attention. So make it harder.

- Someone else mentioned reading in the bath. We did this a lot. Also when we took car trips I often read to her in the car. Reading to her at moments when she was a captive (and still) audience helped her build some endurance, I think.

- Story podcasts. We'd do these during her quiet time in the afternoon instead of music (she dropped her nap early but I enforced a quiet time until she started K.

In summary, different kids have different needs. Some kids easily acquiesce to sitting quietly and listening to books. Others might have unmet physical needs that make this very hard. I had to experiment to figure out what worked. But guess what, my kid is 9 now and my spouse and I still read chapter books to her every night and most nights she lays quietly next to me. She's also a phenomenal reader who just devours books and we go to the library multiple times a week. But sometimes she still chooses to be active while we're reading. Sometimes she'll draw or play with a sticker book. Other times she'll sit on the floor of her room and do her ballet stretches while I read. She's listening. But sometimes she needs to be doing something with her hands or body at the same time, and I've learned this is just who she is and it's okay. Plenty of adults are like this too, it turns out.

Did OP say her kid was SN? Why not post in SN forum? Maybe SN is a overdiagnosis and basically SN is the same as NT?

Go away... and bless your heart too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started reading to my kids from the time they were newborns while nursing them. They are trained to relax and sit or lie still when I am reading to them.

This may not help the OP, but hopefully other new moms should read to their kids, twice a day, and show them the pictures, so the kids learn to love being read to.

You were reading kids books or your adult book to them? I can't fathom reading kids books to a baby. I am far too selfish. Maybe I am paying the price.

NP. Selfish? There are many fantastic children's books. I thought most people did this.

What did you read your newborn?!?!?!?

Are you OP? Do you not have any friends? My children "read" soft cover books with shapes and bright colors from day one, but we started reading them board books when they were newborns (The Hungry Little Caterpillar, 10 Little Toes, Taro Gomi books like "My Friends", etc...), then picture books, now in early ES we read chapter books WITH them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started reading to my kids from the time they were newborns while nursing them. They are trained to relax and sit or lie still when I am reading to them.

This may not help the OP, but hopefully other new moms should read to their kids, twice a day, and show them the pictures, so the kids learn to love being read to.

You were reading kids books or your adult book to them? I can't fathom reading kids books to a baby. I am far too selfish. Maybe I am paying the price.

NP. Selfish? There are many fantastic children's books. I thought most people did this.

What did you read your newborn?!?!?!?

Brown Bear, Brown Bear: The Very Hungry Caterpillar, anything by Sandra Boynton, lots of other board books

+1 Anything that rhymes and has bright, colorful pictures.

[Anonymous]

OP - your 4 year old needs to be in preschool so that he learns how to behave before he starts kindergarten. A HUGE part of preschool is sitting and listening to story time, and that is preparing kids for kindergarten, when they have to sit and listen all day long. Get on that NOW.

[Anonymous]

It has to be interesting to them. So what do they like? Space, legos, cars, silly books with booger jokes? I'd start there and go for 5-10 min at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion, but if it’s not working for you it’s okay to stop for a while. They’ll still learn to read and stuff.

There are hundreds of studies about how literacy starts early and that children who are read to at home have better outcomes than children whose parents don't read to them.

Yeah, because that’s what smart educated people do. I read a lot more to some of my kids than others, simply due to life circumstances when they were small (including their interest level!) and there is not a noticeable difference among them on academic performance, interest in books, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started reading to my kids from the time they were newborns while nursing them. They are trained to relax and sit or lie still when I am reading to them.

This may not help the OP, but hopefully other new moms should read to their kids, twice a day, and show them the pictures, so the kids learn to love being read to.

Please be quiet. Bless your heart.

OP, I have a kid who was like this and to some extent is still like this. She does have some special needs (sensory processing disorder, potentially a mild form of ASD though diagnosis has been split on that and most people don't interpret her behavior as autism, more as just being "quirky"). I only have one kid, so not all of my advice below will work for you, but I do think some of this you could adapt for your situation or it might give you an idea that would help you figure out a solution that works for you:

- Schedule 15 minutes of very physical activity at bedtime. Pillow fight, relay race, gymnastics on or in the yard, dance party, etc. I think parents resist doing stuff like this because they think "you should be settling down, this will rile you up." But some kids really need the sensory experience of being aggressively physical before they CAN settle down.

- Post-dinner trips to the playground also work, if you have one very close by. Dinner at 5 or 5:30, an hour at the playground, then bath is a good routine for this kind of kid that will help them settle.

- As she's gotten older, the playground trips have been replaced by activities. The best one is swimming. Swimming is so freaking exhausting. I know a lot of parents prefer weekend swim lessons but I swear by weeknight lessons because they tend to produce a calmer kid and a great nights sleep. We also do dance class and Girls on the Run on weekdays.

- For non-bedtime reading, I would sometimes lean into her active mode. Would your kids be interested in acting out the books you read? Mine did this a lot when younger. We'd let her pick a costume from the costume bin and she'd use stuffed animals as props or other characters, and she'd act out entire books. It ensures she's listening but gives her a reason to be up and moving around.

- Along the same lines, giving her a "part" in the book can engage her more. When younger, you do this with familiar books where she knows all the lines, and then she has to pay attention so she knows when to say her lines. As she got older, she'd read her part. My recommendation for this activity is books by Mo Willems, especially the Elephant & Piggie books, which are all dialogue and even color code the dialogue so it's easy for kids to know when each character is speaking.

- Alternatively, choose more complex books that require closer attention to follow (as opposed to familiar picture books). I started reading chapter books like Stuart Little to DD when she was 4. Having to follow a more complex story and only being able to read a chapter or two each night helped her to engage and focus. If you only read short, easy books, some kids figure out they can follow what's happening without having to sit still and really pay attention. So make it harder.

- Someone else mentioned reading in the bath. We did this a lot. Also when we took car trips I often read to her in the car. Reading to her at moments when she was a captive (and still) audience helped her build some endurance, I think.

- Story podcasts. We'd do these during her quiet time in the afternoon instead of music (she dropped her nap early but I enforced a quiet time until she started K.

In summary, different kids have different needs. Some kids easily acquiesce to sitting quietly and listening to books. Others might have unmet physical needs that make this very hard. I had to experiment to figure out what worked. But guess what, my kid is 9 now and my spouse and I still read chapter books to her every night and most nights she lays quietly next to me. She's also a phenomenal reader who just devours books and we go to the library multiple times a week. But sometimes she still chooses to be active while we're reading. Sometimes she'll draw or play with a sticker book. Other times she'll sit on the floor of her room and do her ballet stretches while I read. She's listening. But sometimes she needs to be doing something with her hands or body at the same time, and I've learned this is just who she is and it's okay. Plenty of adults are like this too, it turns out.

Did OP say her kid was SN? Why not post in SN forum? Maybe SN is a overdiagnosis and basically SN is the same as NT?

Go away... and bless your heart too.

OP is describing kids engaging in sensory seeking behavior. The examples are things that help kids who are sensory seeking engage with books and sit calmly. It doesn't matter if they are diagnosed or if it rises to a level of special needs. This would work with amy kid who struggles to sit still and listen at bedtime.

It's certainly more helpful than, "Simply go back in time and read to your kids as babies, and also have the kind of children who easily acquiesce to quietly sitting while you read to them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started reading to my kids from the time they were newborns while nursing them. They are trained to relax and sit or lie still when I am reading to them.

This may not help the OP, but hopefully other new moms should read to their kids, twice a day, and show them the pictures, so the kids learn to love being read to.

You were reading kids books or your adult book to them? I can't fathom reading kids books to a baby. I am far too selfish. Maybe I am paying the price.

No cure for that.

But, there exists a whole world of board books for babies and toddlers - sensory books, books with rhymes, books with hidden flaps, cutouts etc. As infants, your children cannot run away. Usually, they are attentive and interested in listening to your voice - so it is easy to read to them and you should strive to make reading a ritual of calmness and comfort. Just do it every day for 30 minutes. They will get trained to be still and enjoy being read to.

Books by Sarah Boynton are great.
Goodnight Moon & Big Red Barn - Margaret Wise Brown.
Goodnight Gorilla - Peggy Rathmann
Brown Bear, Brown Bear & The very hungry caterpillar - Eric Carle. etc.

[Anonymous]

Snuggle Up Sleepy Ones was a mainstay on our house from the time our keloid was born. So was Are You There Little Bunny?

[Anonymous]

Make a schedule for the day and stick to it. Add story time to it, add active play time at a park or outdoors to the schedule. They need to get their wiggles out sometime. Model appropriate behavior at the library and a t home. If the behavior isn't being let. Stop the activity. Reading is absolutely necessary for children. The more books you read the more words they hear and the stronger their vocabulary and language skills become. Absolute attentiveness isn't necessary, but don't stop reading to your children.

[Anonymous]

Read to them while they are in the bathtub. But also, be authoritarian. Say, "you can sit here while I read the book, or I can sit here while you read the book. what do you prefer?"