nature vs nurture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you firmly in the "nature" camp, how do you not throw your hands up in the air on all the hard stuff, like helping a kid who struggles with executive functioning skills get through their homework or helping another kid with no athletic talent try to find a somewhat enjoyable sport? Why am I working so hard to save for college, shuttle kids to activities, pay for musical instruments, etc? Why not just focus on my hobbies and let the chips fall with the kids?

Before kids, i thought nurture played a larger role but that went out of the window the minute my oldest was born, and further confirmed with subsequent kids. Each has their own personality, traits, even eating habits. I don't through my hands up, cause I still need to try to help them with them strengths and weaknesses which are unique to each and with which they were born. One kid wouldn't touch fruit with a long stick and has a really sweet tooth, i still insist he eats fruit daily, even though it wouldn't be his first choice and hope that by time he's 18, he'd continue with the habit of eating at least a fruit a day.

[Anonymous]

Nature. Because you just can't make anyone do anything they don't want to. Quit or try or practice and get better or stop a bad habit or learn a new skill - nothing. It's all free will and thus it's all nature.

You can continue to offer of course but the choice belongs to each individual. Which is exactly why a kid growing up in a dysfunctional family if they understand it's dysfunctional will be able to land on their feet. Which is why someone who grows up privileged and spoiled may still turn out wonderful. It's why someone from a great healthy supportive family may commit suicide. A kid given all the tools to succeed cannot.

It comes down to nature - the good thing is that choice can kick in at any time and age. So that you really don't know if it's because of "nature" or "nurture" but really, it's still innate. It's always nature. Don't be fooled - everyone chooses for themselves at every age what they want to do.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally genetic lottery. My kids got none of my cognitive abilities and both have average IQ and do not do well in school despite hard work. I went to an Ivy, was always the tippy top of everything, blah, blah, blah. I was blindsided by genetics/ nature winning out and always thought my kids would follow in my footsteps. On the plus side, they also got none of my (non-existent) athletic ability, which has worked out to their benefit tremendously.

Did you marry someone with an average IQ who is athletic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally genetic lottery. My kids got none of my cognitive abilities and both have average IQ and do not do well in school despite hard work. I went to an Ivy, was always the tippy top of everything, blah, blah, blah. I was blindsided by genetics/ nature winning out and always thought my kids would follow in my footsteps. On the plus side, they also got none of my (non-existent) athletic ability, which has worked out to their benefit tremendously.

Maybe you aren’t as smart as you think?

[Anonymous]

I see both sides. I think early experiences in daycare/camp have led my kids to be more outgoing than their introverted parents.

Musical and math ability tend toward nature.

One kid is way more athletic than parents but it’s possible we as parents didn’t have the opportunity to develop athletic skills.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I work with families and certainly bad parenting/nurture has a huge effect on kids. And the lines can be blurry. Is prenatal drug/alcohol use nature or nurture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a healthy balance of both. don’t you guys know ANY kid who has been greatly influenced by nurture?

Otherwise why do we fuss so much about not talking about weight because we worry about causing eating disorders?

We talk about encouraging growth mindset and effort instead of outcome based results so our kids have persistence and grit.

So many adults on this board talk about how their parents’ actions totally messed them up.

I work in a low income school. Most of those kids will not rise up to their full potential because of their limited upbringing.

I think it’s easier to say it’s nature, but ultimately it’s a huge mix of both.

Unfortunately, a lot of that is nature. Life is not fair and the reality is that income is correlated with genetic behavioral tendencies.