How do you help your children's significant others feel like part of the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll mention a few things not to do.

Have your child's fiance (weeks before the wedding) join for his first Christmas and make a big deal in front of everyone how is name is written on masking tape on his stocking and can easily be ripped off

In my case - married for almost 10 years and we spend most Christmases with his family. 3 years ago everyone else got thoughtful presents and I got a a few boxes of junk from the garage wrapped up to feel hefty and give the appearance of the weigh of a gift only my actual gift was cash ranging from $5 to $20. $40 in total. The excuse was they didn't know what to get me. Embarrassing as everyone else opened real gifts and the first thing I opened was string lights that I was actually appreciative for. Come to find nope the $5 in the box was my gift.

This was when we were first married - going to the store and buying knickknacks for DH and SIL and then making a big deal of you going in a separate line to purchase a $6 item. I grew up in a family ( not great but also not cheap) where if my mom bought me something she bought the same for sil.

Hosting Christmas and then sending a Venmo for groceries but only to DH and I. Before SIL was married.

When BIL called to tell in laws he was proposing to SIL. In laws first reaction was I guess it's a race to see who has the darkest grandchild.

That's nothing. My DH financially supported his parents so we had to pay for their airline tickets, their gifts, our gifts from them and gifts from them for SIL, BIL and their families. Holidays were really expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll mention a few things not to do.

Have your child's fiance (weeks before the wedding) join for his first Christmas and make a big deal in front of everyone how is name is written on masking tape on his stocking and can easily be ripped off

In my case - married for almost 10 years and we spend most Christmases with his family. 3 years ago everyone else got thoughtful presents and I got a a few boxes of junk from the garage wrapped up to feel hefty and give the appearance of the weigh of a gift only my actual gift was cash ranging from $5 to $20. $40 in total. The excuse was they didn't know what to get me. Embarrassing as everyone else opened real gifts and the first thing I opened was string lights that I was actually appreciative for. Come to find nope the $5 in the box was my gift.

This was when we were first married - going to the store and buying knickknacks for DH and SIL and then making a big deal of you going in a separate line to purchase a $6 item. I grew up in a family ( not great but also not cheap) where if my mom bought me something she bought the same for sil.

Hosting Christmas and then sending a Venmo for groceries but only to DH and I. Before SIL was married.

When BIL called to tell in laws he was proposing to SIL. In laws first reaction was I guess it's a race to see who has the darkest grandchild.

That's nothing. My DH financially supported his parents so we had to pay for their airline tickets, their gifts, our gifts from them and gifts from them for SIL, BIL and their families. Holidays were really expensive.

You have a DH problem then not an in law problem.

[Anonymous]

We took serious girlfriend #1 on vacation with us for a week. Serious girlfriend #2 stayed at our home for a week. If girlfriend #3 becomes serious, we certainly will include her in future plans of the sort.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is taking me and my DD on vacation with her even though DH--her own son--no longer likes this vacation spot and doesn't want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We took serious girlfriend #1 on vacation with us for a week. Serious girlfriend #2 stayed at our home for a week. If girlfriend #3 becomes serious, we certainly will include her in future plans of the sort.

Your son is the one who seems to lack seriousness.