Dim view of future as I age

[Anonymous]

I’m looking forward to retirement but I also have this feeling that I can see how much worse shape I am in than 25 or 30 years ago and I am unhappy thinking about 25 or 30 years of further deterioration.

And please don’t tell me it’s avoidable. I’m getting exercise, taking care of myself yadda yadda but I just don’t feel like health issues are avoidable— half the people I know got injured “staying in shape”.

When you are young you never think getting old will happen to you— it’s only now I can appreciate what it means.

[Anonymous]

Don't borrow trouble, you're not even there yet! There is another phase to life that you need to prepare for and that is retirement. You'll probably have grandchildren. You might decide to downsize and move to another part of the country. Travel? Volunteer? I started a blog that helps people and keeps me busy. My sister travels, plays golf, and mahjong.

[Anonymous]

Dearest OP, I could have written everything you described verbabim (except no SSRI here).
I have two kids, the first one left in September and it's been hard. Two deaths in the family, a lot of family drama, job loss and accepting a less than stellar position had me in the doldrums since last September.
Try as I might to remind myself how lucky I am - and truly I am lucky, my kids have been really great kids, high achieving, very gratifying people to parent, we are all in good health, I revived my career after a long SAHM-hood, financially solid, ex-DH and I get along very well - try as I might to remind myself of these things I still feel so depressed.

I live in the same neighborhood where I went to college and it is a stark reminder of how different this stage of life is. 30 years ago I walked these blocks feeling like anything and everything was possible, there was so much of life still to unfold. Now, especially after the recent passing of family members, life feels suddenly shortened. It seems that much of life has already unfolded. What else is there ahead?

I know that I feel this way because of the charmed luck I have had. I think of the women I've met who hit this age without experiencing marriage, children, and worse yet - job loss. They don't feel the heartache because they aren't closing a huge chapter of their life. Motherhood was intense. Those were deep relationships with the kids and I was extremely busy. I didn't know it then, but I know now how happy and fulfilling those years were for me. And that is why it has been so hard.

Maybe we're in the bottom of the U curve of life. Supposedly it can only get better from here.
I have always exercised a lot and it does help with this, but it's merely a temporary escape. Once I'm showered up and at my less than stellar job I am reminded of the diminished options ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dearest OP, I could have written everything you described verbabim (except no SSRI here).
I have two kids, the first one left in September and it's been hard. Two deaths in the family, a lot of family drama, job loss and accepting a less than stellar position had me in the doldrums since last September.
Try as I might to remind myself how lucky I am - and truly I am lucky, my kids have been really great kids, high achieving, very gratifying people to parent, we are all in good health, I revived my career after a long SAHM-hood, financially solid, ex-DH and I get along very well - try as I might to remind myself of these things I still feel so depressed.

I live in the same neighborhood where I went to college and it is a stark reminder of how different this stage of life is. 30 years ago I walked these blocks feeling like anything and everything was possible, there was so much of life still to unfold. Now, especially after the recent passing of family members, life feels suddenly shortened. It seems that much of life has already unfolded. What else is there ahead?

I know that I feel this way because of the charmed luck I have had. I think of the women I've met who hit this age without experiencing marriage, children, and worse yet - job loss. They don't feel the heartache because they aren't closing a huge chapter of their life. Motherhood was intense. Those were deep relationships with the kids and I was extremely busy. I didn't know it then, but I know now how happy and fulfilling those years were for me. And that is why it has been so hard.

Maybe we're in the bottom of the U curve of life. Supposedly it can only get better from here.
I have always exercised a lot and it does help with this, but it's merely a temporary escape. Once I'm showered up and at my less than stellar job I am reminded of the diminished options ahead.

I know we’re supposed to be at the bottom of the U curve, but how will any of this get better? I just don’t see it. The deceased loved ones won’t come back to life, health won’t return to us the way it used to, kids are living their own lives and jobs get less stable and gratifying the older we get. So I am having a really hard time visualizing the upswing. Btw, I am the poster who doesn’t enjoy birds - funnily, I made my younger DC travel with me over the weekend, and she was for once so nice to me and I had such a great time - and then I saw a gorgeous bird sitting in a tree outside my hotel. I thought I was really wrong to dismiss the bird. But I feel like I only enjoyed it because I was already happy. Now I am back to real life and the bird won’t change any of the above factors of misery - sure it’s nice but it doesn’t give me meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50's (and recently on an SSRI due to some of this and some other things). I cannot get over this feeling that "life is over." My child is headed to college. I'm going to be retired in the next 10 years (which I don't love so that is not the issue). I'll have this empty house with me and my spouse.

I went through life full of what lies ahead, goals, ambition, etc. And now it's all behind me: job, school, kids, marriage. Maybe I only have 25-30 years left. What's the point when you have nothing to look forward to and you long for the "glory days" of young kids, lots of activity in the house, etc. OF COURSE I want my kids to fly and have their life. But I love them so much and will miss seeing them on the daily (I don't guilt them with that as I want them to make their decisions on their own and regardless of my feelings).

Also, all the little nagging health things are starting. And people my age are dropping dead, getting cancer, etc. All of my big extended family in my hometown -you know the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. that you think will live forever as a kid- they are all dying. And many of them had their last years pretty lonely (even surrounded by family and things familar to them). What is my end of life going to look like?

I feel anxious. I feel sad. I feel like death is everywhere.

How do you get out of this funk? Feel like you have a purpose again?

Please find a good therapist to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, the depression is almost contagious on this thread