Would you divorce

[Anonymous]

OP, did you refuse sex or become unattractive or gain lots of weight after number kid # three? I feel like something is missing from the story especially because some significant details are added in your subsequent posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over the years DH had almost completely checked out of our marriage. We have kids 11,8, and 7. He no longer does anything one on one with me (date nights, sex, etc). He know longer comes with us when we travel out of town to see family and has decided to stay home the last 3 family vacation.

His only contributions are monetary (he earns very well, I also work), and he babysits the kids when I need to take care of things for work. He is extremely hands off with the kids and they’ve just grown to expect this.

Would you stay married? I have no idea if he’s having an affair. At this point I don’t think I’d even care because due to his checking out I no longer have romantic feelings for him. he says his intention is to remain married until death.

As soon as I read this (bolded), the answer is NO. Unless of course you want to screw up your kids' lives over a problem so vague that you can't even identify it.

Yup. As of now, the answer is no because of the kids. But I strongly suspect your husband is having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The problem is not vague. The problem is that DH no longer participates in the marriage, and only extremely minimally in the family. This has been going on for several years and he refuses to try individual or couples therapy.

The kids and I experience increased economic stability because of the marriage. I just worry for the example that’s being set. DH literally doesn’t even say hello to us when he comes home. He just lives in his home office not interacting with anyone. He even sleeps in his office and doesn’t come down for dinner. I fear the kids internalize this and feel unwanted.

I earn a decent amount of money but our lives would take a serious financial hit with divorce. I would no way be able to afford our current home or neighborhood.

The example being set is that marriage is a commitment and a couple works together to solve issues that pop up. I don’t understand this idea that outside addiction or abuse or adultery, you walk out on a child’s father because of the “example that’s being set.”