At what point does your happiness outweigh the happiness of your kids?

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to work on myself. Have given up. Just want to lessen the damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. My kids know we don't like each other. That he is unkind to me. But they go into freeze/faun response with him and they don't want to live with him without me. I am afraid of making the wrong choice for them. I can suck it up, but I feel they will be distraught if they have to stay with him 50/50.

I totally understand being worried about them being with him half the time. But the way it is now they are seeing an unhealthy relationship and they will likely mirror that themselves when they’re older. They’re better off having a happy healthy home with a happy healthy parent half the time. If you break the cycle they can go on to have healthy relationships of their own.

I know how hard and overwhelming it feels to leave when you’re in it. But you and your kids will be much happier and healthier on the other side.

Thank you. I need to hear this. I know they see him emotionally abusing me, but it is killing me to leave them with him. I think maybe if they were older. But then I would have to stay here another six years.

You’re welcome. I wish someone had told me this when I was in my marriage. I did everything I could to make the marriage “work” but it’s just not possible with an abuser.

He’s not allowed to speak to me but he still abuses me through text and email. It’s still hard but it’s so much better than if I’d stayed. My leaving showed my kids that you don’t put up with that. We can have fun together and I can raise them to be kind, feminist men. It’s a gift to them and me.