Do I die on this hill?

[Anonymous]

I think he's old enough to have a time requirement.

If you are in bed at 8:30pm, you get a story. On nights where you get in bed late (even if it's out of his control, like a family outing kept you out of the house), then no story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid does this but it's not because he wants THE STORY, it's because he wants me as white noise. It's his way of self-soothing in a transition. He pays no attention to the plot and he couldn't say what's happening in the story if I asked. I usually read a bit then leave the room when he's halfway out. If he says something I say I'm going to the bathroom and will be right back, which is, of course, not true.

Pro tip: make a recording of you reading.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Also, wouldn’t Alexa be nice? Or any other app? Nope, doesn’t meet his standards.

Lights off, open the book, push play, take a napm

[Anonymous]

OP keeps modifying the story to reject suggestions. I guess she really is quite good at making up stories on the spot.

[Anonymous]

On those days when I’m exhausted, I have my kid read to me. They loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid does this but it's not because he wants THE STORY, it's because he wants me as white noise. It's his way of self-soothing in a transition. He pays no attention to the plot and he couldn't say what's happening in the story if I asked. I usually read a bit then leave the room when he's halfway out. If he says something I say I'm going to the bathroom and will be right back, which is, of course, not true.

Pro tip: make a recording of you reading.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Also, wouldn’t Alexa be nice? Or any other app? Nope, doesn’t meet his standards.

I think it's OK to have boundaries, even if they "don't meet his standards" for a bedtime story.

BUT - you need to work with your providers to set this expectation in advance, and give him and you a script to prepare for it with advance warning. So you talk with his therapist together at the next appointment, and say that you LOVE this part of your routine, but sometimes it isn't possible - oh no what do we do?? See if he has suggestions, if not, suggest some of the things others have offered on this thread.

THEN - you come to a day where there is a late sports game, or a late flight. You set the expectation that morning, "Hey, remember we talked about this with Dr so and so...tonight is one of those nights we won't have time. I'll plan to (insert his suggested alternative here) when you're all ready for bed." - then say this after school, on the way to the game, after the game, etc until it's time to turn it on and then he'll probably tantrum the first time it happens. Hold THAT line. He'll adjust to it after it's happened a few times and becomes part of the late bedtime routine.

This isn't easy - but it is OK to teach him how to handle these times. Work with your providers to come up with solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't teach flexibility at the end of the day when everyone is tired and out of spoons. Work on flexibility at other times, but give him what he needs to get through bedtime. (Obviously, when you can't, you can't, but don't say no just to try to teach flexibility.)

this exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - he doesn’t want to be read to (that would be easy) he wants a full made up story. Even if we went somewhere and get home super late

Do it in the car on the ride home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP keeps modifying the story to reject suggestions. I guess she really is quite good at making up stories on the spot.

op - this is a little trolly. how have i modified it? I never said 'read' at the beginning I just didn't specify that it was make one up

[Anonymous]

We have a 'Plan A" schedule that includes reading for 20 minutes among other things.
BUT we also have a "Plan B" schedule that supplements a podcast on their Ipad (has a timer) instead on nights where we are spent or out late.
I will say "We have Plan B" tonight! Pick out a podcast and they love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Story time can be “earned” by being ready on time. You can coach. Give 10 and 5 minute warnings. Act like the deadline for story time is not under your control. Natural consequences = no time for story.
“Oh no, we don’t have time for a story! That’s very sad. Let’s hope we can have a story next bedtime. What can we work on?”

I think helping him improve the efficiency of the bedtime routine is a great idea—maybe with a checklist. I really hate the idea, though, of having him “earn” anything that is helping him regulate his neurological system. And I suspect that a bedtime routine that includes a story is part of that. I agree with those who have proposed listening to a story on cd or a bedtime story podcast. It can accomplish the same calming. Just plop your phone on his nightstand and come back and get it when you’re able. This would be the extent of the flexibility I’d expect at the end of the day for a child with these issues.

Also—maybe this doesn’t apply but maybe it does—it’s not ok to expect flexibility of those around us just because we can’t get our acts together. If the reason you don’t have time to read at bedtime is related to your own lack of organization, then address that.

op- it's not. It's just sometimes too late. sometimes he might have had a late soccer game, or there's been an event. or we've flown somewhere. I can't always control for everything and i wasn't sure it was serving him to keep to this routine no matter what the circs. sometimes we have to learn flexibility right? but he is also a kid who wants a story so... tricky.

So work on increasing flexibility -- but don't start with his bedtime routine. That's not fair to him.

[Anonymous]

I have to say… my DD, who as far as I know is NOT diagnosed with ASD or ADHD, has insisted on this and we never managed to stop. I still read every night, although now it’s things like Science or Nature journals. And yea, it is exhausting, and I wish I had dealt with the tantrums much earlier. I assumed she would grow out of it and she never did. She is 13.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, but bedtime is not a good time to teach flexibility. He's tired and feeling stressed about the separation of going to bed. It's about the last time he is going to be in a place to learn. I would go with it unless you really are sick or cannot on rare days. Maybe come up with some short stories for those times. Focus on other times to work on flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Just read to your kid. You can even have the kid read too if tehy are able to do so