Doctor has a parent preference

[Anonymous]

Physician here. In pediatrics, we are there to be advocates for children. Children are also minors who live in the care of their parents and so it is incumbent upon us to work with the child’s caregivers. In the case of shared custody with contentious adults, it can be very disruptive to have those contentious issues brought to the examining room with children. Examples include children being brought for well visits which include vaccines and having one parent refused vaccines that day, only to get an email from another parent asking why vaccines were not given and indicating that now there has been a disruption and a camp or school plan. Physicians cannot be placed in the middle of these disagreements, hence there can be some proactive action to mitigate these situations.

This is just one example. OP without further details it’s difficult to advise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another Dr. This is not acceptable.

Agree. And I'm the one who schedules/handles 99% of the appointments.

I would not allow a doctor to suggest they only deal with me, really unprofessional.

Unless we're talking about major verbal abuses/major transgressions in some way towards the doctor from the other parent obviously... a PITA is not a justification to ask to only see one parent.

Not necessarily. I've been listening to the podcase "nobody Should believe me". It discusses Munchhausen by Proxy and the doctor may be suspicious about the other parent's claims regarding the child.

Have you ever been to the appointments together or is it always only one parent?

[Anonymous]

My sister was divorced. The psychologist who was appointed by the court to decide who should get primary custody also said my sister (the mother) is the one who should handle health care.

I think he felt the father had bad judgement in that regard (maybe over-reacted/was a hypochondriac??). Not sure why but she was surprised to see that in the report.

[Anonymous]

You should try not to go before a judge to determine your civil life
1- It’s insanely expensive
2- the judge makes decisions when everyone is on their worst behavior
3- going through change is really hard… people change at different rates —
you can do a lot yourself and should try to make an agreement, first yourself as a private citizen
4- Lawyers egg you on and make things worse. Ask any court house staff
5- not being a strong man builds good will over time , even if the person is too short sighted to recognize it at first
6- have faith in the original person you married: this is the craziest thing right??! The idea is that you no longer recognize or care for that person — but that person cares for your mutual child . You might not agree? But guess what ? The standard is actually how the kid is doing.
7- Most kids do well w ith access to two parents . Your child is not the exception

Hard to hear isn’t it? — experienced poster , who went through hell and made it back to tell about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever experienced a doctor having a preference on which parent should be handling medical? I have not experienced this until recently and I'm not sure what it means. The doctor is asking that all future appointments be held with one parent as opposed to the other. Looking for opinions of doctors and what would make them do this and is it serious? Will the courts take it seriously?

Has CPS ever been involved with the other parent? Or notified of an incident involving that parent? Pediatricians are mandated reporters. So if you come in with a dangerous “accident” that looks more like significant neglect and poor judgment and zero remorse (or worse, DARVO), it will get reported. And put in medical records.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another Dr. This is not acceptable.

Of course. It's in acceptable, particularly if one parent is a royal PITA!

Yeah that’s not how service providers work. OP needs to take their business elsewhere and probably file a complaint with the state board.

Based on what? Doctors can determine that a relationship is not effective and decline to continue, so long as they provide a bridge of emergency care for a month -- unless they are ER doctors. Every other doctor can say "no," and that is a part of standard practice. There is nothing to complain about.

But of course, what OP is experiencing is a great reason to change providers. She's just not going to get anyone in trouble for doing so, not the doctor and not herself or her kid (that is, there should be no retaliation for doing so -- of course!).

The doctor isn’t refusing care—and money— they’re trying to dictate which parent participates in the care of their child. That’s absolutely worth filing a complaint over. If the doctor just fired the family there’s no complaint to be made.

If one parent is hostile to the doctor, in denial of the diagnosis, refuses to administer medications, or provides incorrect information to the doctor about the child, then it seems justified for the doctor to work with the other parent instead.

But without more info from OP it’s impossible to tell what is happening. Maybe OP and the doctor are pushing a quack diagnosis and therapy. Maybe it’s an actual medical condition and OP’s ex is refusing to cooperate in the necessary treatment. Who knows.

The above.

Has OP even asked WHY?

My ex was worthless at doctor visits- couldn’t remember things, always said no one is sick or no issues, would lie that things are good, wanted to just get out of there asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another Dr. This is not acceptable.

Of course. It's in acceptable, particularly if one parent is a royal PITA!

Yeah that’s not how service providers work. OP needs to take their business elsewhere and probably file a complaint with the state board.

Based on what? Doctors can determine that a relationship is not effective and decline to continue, so long as they provide a bridge of emergency care for a month -- unless they are ER doctors. Every other doctor can say "no," and that is a part of standard practice. There is nothing to complain about.

But of course, what OP is experiencing is a great reason to change providers. She's just not going to get anyone in trouble for doing so, not the doctor and not herself or her kid (that is, there should be no retaliation for doing so -- of course!).

The doctor isn’t refusing care—and money— they’re trying to dictate which parent participates in the care of their child. That’s absolutely worth filing a complaint over. If the doctor just fired the family there’s no complaint to be made.

No, the doctor is dictating who the point person for future communication will be. One parents is unreasonable and the other isn't. The doctor is going about it in the way that will enable them to best serve the patient. Unreasonable parent needs to get their act together.

Unreasonable
Suspected abuse or mistreatment
Clueless
Unethical
Unsafe home
Chronic lying
Denying treatment

All sorts of valid reasons, especially in a divorce / coparenting situation.

[Anonymous]

They slept together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

What’s the big deal? You can still take your kid and have a direct line of communication. Undistorted by your Ex or whomever he sends.
Treatment plans will still go to the other parent.

Does he bully his own kid to not say anything at doctor visits? That would be creepy, but not uncommon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

You need to get to the bottom of this. I don't know how; I've never been through something like this. Is there something like a medical guardian ad litem for a child?

Agree

I would not want to here that the other main advocate of my child is “painting a very different picture” of anything or anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physician here. In pediatrics, we are there to be advocates for children. Children are also minors who live in the care of their parents and so it is incumbent upon us to work with the child’s caregivers. In the case of shared custody with contentious adults, it can be very disruptive to have those contentious issues brought to the examining room with children. Examples include children being brought for well visits which include vaccines and having one parent refused vaccines that day, only to get an email from another parent asking why vaccines were not given and indicating that now there has been a disruption and a camp or school plan. Physicians cannot be placed in the middle of these disagreements, hence there can be some proactive action to mitigate these situations.

This is just one example. OP without further details it’s difficult to advise.

OP here. The issue is that the other parent fails to report any observations related to the condition. They do this in the school setting and most recently provided contradicting feedback to the person conducting a psychoeducational assessment.

The child self reports and is aligned with parent A, while the other parent seems to be unaware of the childs issues.

The doctor further explained that the disruption that is caused is delayed treatment due to Parent Bs lack of feedback and observations.