siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several of the learn to drive programs for teenagers also do assessments of elderly people. For example, I think “I drive smart” does those.

Perhaps getting an independent assessment of her driving ability from one of those types of places would be a reasonable way to decide if you or your siblings are correct about your mom’s driving ability.

That’s a good idea. Get an unbiased opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t comprehend the idea that the children of an older person somehow become all-powerful caretakers and life-monitors merely by the older person’s accrual of age. Raise a question? Sure. Suggest training, resources, etc.? Sure. But the blanket, and quite frankly nasty, judgmentalism in the prior posts is out of line. There are plenty of appallingly bad young and middle aged drivers on the road. There are 90 year olds who are blessedly still competent. I don’t see the point of OP even debating the issue. As long as the mother is legally competent her children have nothing to say.

OP's siblings disagree with OP. All of us have read the horror stories of 80+ year olds driving into buildings or sidewalk seating at restaurants, parades etc. When someone hits 75-80 years old, it's irresponsible not to be trying to protect them from themselves, let alone innocent bystanders. If they can pass a vision, direction and reflex test, then great! Carry on. Most won't be able to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.... you are ridiculous. How would a bunch of strangers on the internet have any idea whether your geriatric mother is an ok driver?

Generally, very few people in their 90s have any business being behind the wheel of a car. The only way to answer this is for YOU to go as a passenger in the car with her. Don't guide her or assist her, just observe. Most likely you will be scared shitless, but regardless, you will have an answer.

Actually you are ridiculous. The OP addressed this hours before you posted, try reading the comments before spouting off with your big self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.... you are ridiculous. How would a bunch of strangers on the internet have any idea whether your geriatric mother is an ok driver?

Generally, very few people in their 90s have any business being behind the wheel of a car. The only way to answer this is for YOU to go as a passenger in the car with her. Don't guide her or assist her, just observe. Most likely you will be scared shitless, but regardless, you will have an answer.

Actually you are ridiculous. The OP addressed this hours before you posted, try reading the comments before spouting off with your big self.

Lol, calm down cranky pants. I call BS on that response. If OP had actually driven with the mom and know them to be a competent driver, that would have been the main point they would have made in their original post. They are backpedaling. Also call BS that mom is being tested regularly by the DMV. what does that even mean? Where do they live that this is the case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t comprehend the idea that the children of an older person somehow become all-powerful caretakers and life-monitors merely by the older person’s accrual of age. Raise a question? Sure. Suggest training, resources, etc.? Sure. But the blanket, and quite frankly nasty, judgmentalism in the prior posts is out of line. There are plenty of appallingly bad young and middle aged drivers on the road. There are 90 year olds who are blessedly still competent. I don’t see the point of OP even debating the issue. As long as the mother is legally competent her children have nothing to say.

OP's siblings disagree with OP. All of us have read the horror stories of 80+ year olds driving into buildings or sidewalk seating at restaurants, parades etc. When someone hits 75-80 years old, it's irresponsible not to be trying to protect them from themselves, let alone innocent bystanders. If they can pass a vision, direction and reflex test, then great! Carry on. Most won't be able to.

Those are bigoted ageist assumptions and prejudiced. Nobody has a duty to “protect people from themselves,” particularly based on age. How about all the terrible, reckless, aggressive, nitwit drivers in youth to middle age?

Age impacts people differently. Some elderly people (e.g., those who have had cataract surgery) have great vision. Experience compensates for other limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t comprehend the idea that the children of an older person somehow become all-powerful caretakers and life-monitors merely by the older person’s accrual of age. Raise a question? Sure. Suggest training, resources, etc.? Sure. But the blanket, and quite frankly nasty, judgmentalism in the prior posts is out of line. There are plenty of appallingly bad young and middle aged drivers on the road. There are 90 year olds who are blessedly still competent. I don’t see the point of OP even debating the issue. As long as the mother is legally competent her children have nothing to say.

I think most of us agree that some 90 year olds can be fine drivers. I think most of us also accept that statistically speaking, 90 year olds are not good drivers and should not be in the road.

Personally, I believe the state should test older drivers to renew their licenses ( no automatic renewals). But if the state isn’t going to do it, who can convince the elderly (who may be legally competent) to give up the keys of not their family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t comprehend the idea that the children of an older person somehow become all-powerful caretakers and life-monitors merely by the older person’s accrual of age. Raise a question? Sure. Suggest training, resources, etc.? Sure. But the blanket, and quite frankly nasty, judgmentalism in the prior posts is out of line. There are plenty of appallingly bad young and middle aged drivers on the road. There are 90 year olds who are blessedly still competent. I don’t see the point of OP even debating the issue. As long as the mother is legally competent her children have nothing to say.

OP's siblings disagree with OP. All of us have read the horror stories of 80+ year olds driving into buildings or sidewalk seating at restaurants, parades etc. When someone hits 75-80 years old, it's irresponsible not to be trying to protect them from themselves, let alone innocent bystanders. If they can pass a vision, direction and reflex test, then great! Carry on. Most won't be able to.

Those are bigoted ageist assumptions and prejudiced. Nobody has a duty to “protect people from themselves,” particularly based on age. How about all the terrible, reckless, aggressive, nitwit drivers in youth to middle age?

Age impacts people differently. Some elderly people (e.g., those who have had cataract surgery) have great vision. Experience compensates for other limitations.

The bolded might be the dumbest thing I have read this year. Congratulations, I guess.

[Anonymous]

My mom drove into her late 80’s…weeks before she died. She stopped driving at night and never drove in snow or rain. She had zero incidents her entire driving life. I see a large amount of young drivers swerving on roads because of texting or being on their phone.

[Anonymous]

There were 3 siblings against one in our family too. Our brother was kissing up to our mom trying to influence her. I am suspicious of OP's motives for keeping her mother driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your responses. I've driven with her recently and saw no problem. Yes, she's tested regularly by the DMV.
Siblings think she can just use Uber or Lyft, but she struggles with the apps; her phone isn't always charged; and she resents the $$.

But she's trying. I don't like when my siblings say, "It's so easy, Mom!" It's not easy, for her.
I will temper my temper and focus on the infantilizing of our mother on many fronts: whether she should continue to live on her own; whether she should be cooking, etc. I respect her choices. But on the driving, I'll watch carefully. Thank you.

Tell us more about how "she's tested regularly by the DMV". Are these vision tests or driving tests?

Next time she comes to your house roll a ball in front of her car and see if she notices. You'll definitely be able to assess her skills then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t comprehend the idea that the children of an older person somehow become all-powerful caretakers and life-monitors merely by the older person’s accrual of age. Raise a question? Sure. Suggest training, resources, etc.? Sure. But the blanket, and quite frankly nasty, judgmentalism in the prior posts is out of line. There are plenty of appallingly bad young and middle aged drivers on the road. There are 90 year olds who are blessedly still competent. I don’t see the point of OP even debating the issue. As long as the mother is legally competent her children have nothing to say.

I think most of us agree that some 90 year olds can be fine drivers. I think most of us also accept that statistically speaking, 90 year olds are not good drivers and should not be in the road.

Personally, I believe the state should test older drivers to renew their licenses ( no automatic renewals). But if the state isn’t going to do it, who can convince the elderly (who may be legally competent) to give up the keys of not their family?

+1 Spend some time in the car with your mother driving and reassess OP. The elderly can deteriorate fast, and sounds like you're caught up in the 3 against 1 mentality when statistically, your siblings are likely to be the wiser ones in this case.

[Anonymous]

Test reaction time, it’s akin to being drunk.

[Anonymous]

Here’s the problem . You can sit in the passenger seat next to her 1 or 2 times and say hey she’s fine! However, this means nothing. Slower reflexes and diminishing cognitive reaction time is normal once you are in your 90s! You use these skills when defensive driving needs to kick in which isn’t every trip.

The crazy person squawking childishly that there are reckless young and middle age drivers so 90 year olds should get to drive too is missing the point. The fact that there are reckless drivers out there is one of the reasons why reflex and reaction time is important for defensive driving.

OP your mom needs to stop driving.

[Anonymous]

What’s the law in your state? For example in Va. she would need a renewal every five years. If she is passing that, and wants to drive, not sure what else is to be done, it’s not their call.

[Anonymous]

OP -- you think there is a perfect decision. Timed perfectly. That can defended perfectly.

Op, you are way too triggered. Finding fault. Reasonable people are making the best decision/giving advise ... and it is reasonable.