(New) adult son wants to go to Ibiza

[Anonymous]

If you would let him go to Cancun or Miami, there’s no reason not to let him go to Ibiza. If you wouldn’t, then I think you need to start thinking about getting him help for the severity of ADHD/‘personality issues that are barriers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

It's a vacation. Chill out.

The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip her adult son is taking tells me that they he/she is a control freak who needs to loosen the reigns and let her child live his life.

Exactly. And the best way for these young adults to develop their brains is to be in situations where they get to independently exercise their reason, judgment and planning. Yes, they will make mistakes but it's part of living.

And by the way, "...no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18." is somewhat laughable. There is nothing legally you can do! Plus, are PP and OP not aware that males 18+ MUST register for selective service?

Mommy may not want Little Billy to go on vacay because she's worried about him but Uncle Sam sure doesn't have that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

It's a vacation. Chill out.

The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip her adult son is taking tells me that they he/she is a control freak who needs to loosen the reigns and let her child live his life.

Exactly. And the best way for these young adults to develop their brains is to be in situations where they get to independently exercise their reason, judgment and planning. Yes, they will make mistakes but it's part of living.

And by the way, "...no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18." is somewhat laughable. There is nothing legally you can do! Plus, are PP and OP not aware that males 18+ MUST register for selective service?

Mommy may not want Little Billy to go on vacay because she's worried about him but Uncle Sam sure doesn't have that problem.

BS, As long as I'm paying for the darn college, their credit card, their food, their phone, their car, their shelter, their insurance, their car insurance, their clothes, their gym membership... I am Uncle Sam!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

It's a vacation. Chill out.

The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip her adult son is taking tells me that they he/she is a control freak who needs to loosen the reigns and let her child live his life.

Exactly. And the best way for these young adults to develop their brains is to be in situations where they get to independently exercise their reason, judgment and planning. Yes, they will make mistakes but it's part of living.

And by the way, "...no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18." is somewhat laughable. There is nothing legally you can do! Plus, are PP and OP not aware that males 18+ MUST register for selective service?

Mommy may not want Little Billy to go on vacay because she's worried about him but Uncle Sam sure doesn't have that problem.

BS, As long as I'm paying for the darn college, their credit card, their food, their phone, their car, their shelter, their insurance, their car insurance, their clothes, their gym membership... I am Uncle Sam!

^ Uh, think you missed the point here. The legal age in the United States is 18. If an 18 year old commits a crime they are responsible. Not the parent. If an 18 year old is called up for military service, they must report (or provide an exemption) Not the parent. If an 18 year old has a child, they are financially legally and morally responsible for that child (unless deemed otherwise)

[Anonymous]

Get his grandpa to tell him to use condoms. JK. This actually happened to my brother.

Telling kids to be careful at 19 is kinda too late. Hopefully you did the groundwork years ago and he already has good education on drugs and STDs.

[Anonymous]

As someone who went to Ibiza in her late teens/early 20s many times (along with droves of my fellow British young adults), all I can say is he’s picked the best party island in the world. He’s going to have a great time. Let him be an adult and make some cracking memories. It’s the most fun he’ll ever have.

[Anonymous]

You do nothing. If he can self fund it, he can go. Hope he has a good time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him he should wait to be at least be 21 to go there... and stick to it.

That would, at least, give you a few more years.

Everyone knows only the US has this backwards 21 rule. He 100% knows the legal age is 18 there.

Fine print says ages 15-18. Id be interested to see a map for ages 19-23. Because that’s when US kids get black out drunk compared to other counties where the kids get it out of their systems earlier. IMO, in the US, binge drinking happens with young adults as opposed to school aged teens living at home and is more likely, IMO, to lead to young adults turning drinking into a main part of their social lives as adults

[Anonymous]

We were there last summer, there’s definitely a drug scene but that can be anywhere you have lots of young people partying. I don’t do drugs and never witnessed any drug use firsthand beyond weed.

[Anonymous]

I would warn him against balconing (jumping off a balcony/roof into a swimming pool) and cliff jumping. It's so dangerous and yet a lot of young male tourists do it in Spain, esp. in the Balearics and there are deaths every year.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balconing

Tell him no bull fighting / running with the bulls either. I know, I know, you think I am joking, but American tourists (all young men) get gored practically every year.

Also emphasize the importance of sunscreen, Spanish sun is not joke and you can get very badly burned in only a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to keep his money in his shoe, hide his passport, and never leave his drink unattended. Then tell him to enjoy the trip!

It's his money, and he's an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the parent and can try to pull rank if you want. But... do you think that is the best way to communicate with your kid? What do you think that will do to your relationship? If you have VALID reasons for your disapproval, then you need to discuss them with your kid. Does he have past substance abuse issues? Ibiza may not be good for a kid in recovery. If your concerns are more general, then lay those out and see what he has to say. At some point, we have to trust our kids to do the right thing, or at the very minimum take ownership for their mistakes and try to rectify them. This is a great opportunity for him to learn about how to keep himself safe while traveling and having fun - basics like never taking a drink from a stranger or leaving your drink unattended, keep your valuables either close to your body or someplace safe, walk in groups and in well-lit places, don't take drugs from strangers (or anyone, really), don't break laws...

[Anonymous]

He could be in the military serving his country at 19.

Cut the apron strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever he can do there, he can do here. Only thing you can do is bribe him with something better or threaten to take something away.

I advise instead to treat him like an adult and talk about how to stay out of trouble and how to handle various scenarios.

100% this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

It's a vacation. Chill out.

The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip her adult son is taking tells me that they he/she is a control freak who needs to loosen the reigns and let her child live his life.

Exactly. And the best way for these young adults to develop their brains is to be in situations where they get to independently exercise their reason, judgment and planning. Yes, they will make mistakes but it's part of living.

And by the way, "...no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18." is somewhat laughable. There is nothing legally you can do! Plus, are PP and OP not aware that males 18+ MUST register for selective service?

Mommy may not want Little Billy to go on vacay because she's worried about him but Uncle Sam sure doesn't have that problem.

BS, As long as I'm paying for the darn college, their credit card, their food, their phone, their car, their shelter, their insurance, their car insurance, their clothes, their gym membership... I am Uncle Sam!

Wiill you be my parent? That kind of of indulgence was never a part of my universe.