Mom forgets coffee in microwave multiple times a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mug that says "If found in microwave return to Mom"

I heat it, get distracted and there it stays.

Of all the examples you could pick, that is not a good one.

Ha. This makes me feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you move in with your mom after your dad died? Did you live on your own before? Are you in a transitional phase in your own life at this time?

I lived a few hours away on my own before and my mom has never lived in her own before. My brother lives in the same city but he’s very hands-off; I was the one who helped my parents financially and frequently checked-in on them. My mom didn’t want to live alone and she had a mortgage that she couldn’t afford so I moved in to cover that but more importantly because she didn’t want to be alone.

I say this kindly, is it at all possible that you are looking for a reason that your mom needs you as a caregiver right now? Maybe to “justify” to others, or even yourself, the idea of you living with your mom?

Your mom sounds busy and very active for someone her age, and the incidents you’ve mentioned just don’t sound that concerning to those of us who have dealt with older parents and dementia. So maybe something else is going on here.

Just something to give thought to.

She would call me crying about living alone and feeling lonely, so no.

I moved from the city to Farmville, Va - this is not something that I wanted.

Have you lived alone most of your adult life? Maybe you are just not used to living with others so little things like the beep of the microwave really bother you. It’s hard to get accustomed to sharing living space with another person when you are used to having complete control over your space.

Why are you harping on my living habits? I’m not annoyed by the beeping. I was concerned because of the frequency and her not realizing for many hours that something in there even though is in ear shot of the beeping.

My brother was concerned. I’m concerned. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

But this is a really common thing to do- even for people in their 20s and 30s- so it is not really indicative of anything concerning.

It just sounds like you are the one bothered by the beeping and/or you’re actively looking for something to be wrong with your mom so that she needs care.

I get the beeping thing- my husband is really bothered by sounds like that after working in a fairly quiet office setting before Covid. I, on the other hand, spent a lot of my life working with kids of various ages in settings where there was a lot of activity going on. He is very bothered by microwave beeps and feels the need to take whatever it is out of the microwave right away. To me, it’s just a little peep in the background and I could easily let it go on in the background while I am busy working.

People are just wired different ways- one way isn’t right or wrong, better or worse. We’re just different, and different doesn’t mean something is wrong with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you move in with your mom after your dad died? Did you live on your own before? Are you in a transitional phase in your own life at this time?

I lived a few hours away on my own before and my mom has never lived in her own before. My brother lives in the same city but he’s very hands-off; I was the one who helped my parents financially and frequently checked-in on them. My mom didn’t want to live alone and she had a mortgage that she couldn’t afford so I moved in to cover that but more importantly because she didn’t want to be alone.

I say this kindly, is it at all possible that you are looking for a reason that your mom needs you as a caregiver right now? Maybe to “justify” to others, or even yourself, the idea of you living with your mom?

Your mom sounds busy and very active for someone her age, and the incidents you’ve mentioned just don’t sound that concerning to those of us who have dealt with older parents and dementia. So maybe something else is going on here.

Just something to give thought to.

She would call me crying about living alone and feeling lonely, so no.

I moved from the city to Farmville, Va - this is not something that I wanted.

Have you lived alone most of your adult life? Maybe you are just not used to living with others so little things like the beep of the microwave really bother you. It’s hard to get accustomed to sharing living space with another person when you are used to having complete control over your space.

Why are you harping on my living habits? I’m not annoyed by the beeping. I was concerned because of the frequency and her not realizing for many hours that something in there even though is in ear shot of the beeping.

My brother was concerned. I’m concerned. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

But this is a really common thing to do- even for people in their 20s and 30s- so it is not really indicative of anything concerning.

It just sounds like you are the one bothered by the beeping and/or you’re actively looking for something to be wrong with your mom so that she needs care.

I get the beeping thing- my husband is really bothered by sounds like that after working in a fairly quiet office setting before Covid. I, on the other hand, spent a lot of my life working with kids of various ages in settings where there was a lot of activity going on. He is very bothered by microwave beeps and feels the need to take whatever it is out of the microwave right away. To me, it’s just a little peep in the background and I could easily let it go on in the background while I am busy working.

People are just wired different ways- one way isn’t right or wrong, better or worse. We’re just different, and different doesn’t mean something is wrong with someone.

Okay, so what about my brother calling because he was worried? Is he looking for something wrong too? Mind you I hadn’t said a word to him about my mother prior to him calling me.

Either way, I made a post expressing my concern but also realized that I may be over thinking. Again, why are you so hung up on the microwave beeps? I’ve repeatedly said now that I’m not annoyed by it and I’ve repeatedly explained why I brought up the microwave.

[Anonymous]

OP, my mom was a daily coffee drinker, and didn’t start to leave her coffee in the microwave until she started her cognitive decline.

You and your brother are right to be concerned about new behaviors.

Also, some people are better at masking cognitive decline. Often, you won’t notice anything at first, because they are able to cover it up with small talk and certain routines.

I would see if you can go with her to her doctor to be evaluated. There are specific memory tests that can be done. If she is declining, there are medications that can help. Waiting until she doesn’t remember her name to be concerned, as someone suggested, is too late.

Finally, I think some people in this thread are having a knee-jerk reaction because they regularly leave their coffee/tea in the microwave and are suddenly worried and defensive that it might be a sign of cognitive decline. It’s likely not in their case, because they’ve done it for years, but if it’s a new behavior for OP’s mother, it could indicate there is an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom was a daily coffee drinker, and didn’t start to leave her coffee in the microwave until she started her cognitive decline.

You and your brother are right to be concerned about new behaviors.

Also, some people are better at masking cognitive decline. Often, you won’t notice anything at first, because they are able to cover it up with small talk and certain routines.

I would see if you can go with her to her doctor to be evaluated. There are specific memory tests that can be done. If she is declining, there are medications that can help. Waiting until she doesn’t remember her name to be concerned, as someone suggested, is too late.

Finally, I think some people in this thread are having a knee-jerk reaction because they regularly leave their coffee/tea in the microwave and are suddenly worried and defensive that it might be a sign of cognitive decline. It’s likely not in their case, because they’ve done it for years, but if it’s a new behavior for OP’s mother, it could indicate there is an issue.

Agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking for problems both me and my spouse in our 40s do this. Not a big deal. You are completely overreacting. Wondering if you have any real problems going on in your life right now...

Don’t be a winch.

I’m concerned about my mother and so is my brother.

What do you want to do? Lock her up? Commit her to an old folks home?

She’s getting older, memories aren’t as great. You too will be there in a couple decades!

[Anonymous]

I’m 73 and I would be very upset about forgetting Thanksgiving. Leaving things in the microwave is a problem if it’s frequent but forgetting a recent holiday is an issue. Encourage her to get tested because it feels young to me but I am 73.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking for problems both me and my spouse in our 40s do this. Not a big deal. You are completely overreacting. Wondering if you have any real problems going on in your life right now...

Don’t be a winch.

I’m concerned about my mother and so is my brother.

What do you want to do? Lock her up? Commit her to an old folks home?

She’s getting older, memories aren’t as great. You too will be there in a couple decades!

I think OP wants to be aware if there is an issue so she can take steps to help and protect her mother. Because if it is the start of a decline, next it might be wanting coffee and just pressing the “on” button without putting water, filter, or coffee in (ask me how I know). Or putting inappropriate things like metal in the microwave. Or, forbid, turning on the stove to cook something, and then forgetting, leading to a fire.

The point is, if there are new concerning behaviors, the last thing to do is bury one’s head in the sand and ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking for problems both me and my spouse in our 40s do this. Not a big deal. You are completely overreacting. Wondering if you have any real problems going on in your life right now...

Don’t be a winch.

I’m concerned about my mother and so is my brother.

What do you want to do? Lock her up? Commit her to an old folks home?

She’s getting older, memories aren’t as great. You too will be there in a couple decades!

This is a pretty dumb response.

[Anonymous]

When she says, "What's that beeping?" then you can start to wonder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving the drink in the microwave isn’t cause for concern. I’m in my 50s and have been doing this sort of thing for decades.

Multiple times a week though?

My husband does it at least once a day.

Op. I've never had a microwave that keeps beeping. There must be a setting you change so it just beeps once. Google it, change the setting, done.

If your Mom is actually distressed because she can't hear the microwave: suggest a hearing test. And suggest she set a timer on her phone every time she uses the microwave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy the woman a kuerig

Yes! And a really good insulated mug. Or a mug warmer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy the woman a kuerig

Yes! And a really good insulated mug. Or a mug warmer.

More dumb responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 73 and I would be very upset about forgetting Thanksgiving. Leaving things in the microwave is a problem if it’s frequent but forgetting a recent holiday is an issue. Encourage her to get tested because it feels young to me but I am 73.

This.

[Anonymous]

This is OK OP. No need to worry.